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couchmaster
climber
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Jan 31, 2019 - 04:56pm PT
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Aaron, thank you so much. You words and this thread can make a difference in a persons life, and despite a few asswipes sprinkled in here or there, even saving a single person can and does make a difference. Glad you left it up Mike Honcho.
When I got out of the service, where there was so much drugs and alcohol, I got a job with a bunch of hard charging hard drinking hard working construction workers. These guys drank hard, took lots of drugs and then drank some more ....everyday. One time (this was over 40 years back) I looked up and realized that it had been years since I could remember a day without drinking. So I decided to stop for a year. 1 year. For 4 days I shook and felt like total sh#t. I wanted a drink so much, and I realized: I was an alcoholic. I was 23 years old.
Eventually, I got it under control, but it takes my full mind/body to do so. I'm typing this with a glass of wine in front of me, and I still drink. But after that year of drinking, I realized that needed to not drink 2 days in a row. That's what works for me, and realize that we are all different and that won't work for some folks. Regardless, the never 2 days in a row vow I've held onto for many years. Now I've lightened up on that vow, but I haven't forgotten the 4 days of horror and shaking so long ago.
My advice to anyone who cares is to pull out of the tailspin now, as early as possible. Thank you all of the great folks who've put up stoke and advice on this thread, it matters and it helps to remind all of us.
Warm regards to all:
update, I just saw the post I put up back in 2011 with Hank the Dog pictured in it. That damned Jack Russell crawled deep into those very boulders and got stuck. For at least 20 min that fool howled his fool head off while my wife and I sat and listened to the noise from far into the bowels of the boulders: first with some amusement and then with growing concern. We were so relieved when he finally was able to back out of where ever he was. And that is why they cut those dogs tails off like that.
The other pup was younger than hank and lasted until about 2 months back. She was a rescue as well, all kinds of emotional issues. The multi-thousand dollar vet bill at the end was worth the (failed) shot at saving her. She was only 14 years old. There's some pretty decent climbing routes just to the right and up from these boulders.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Jan 31, 2019 - 07:26pm PT
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hey there say, hankster, caylor... say, i love you too...
i love you and your wife and, the the pups, too!
so very much!
thank you for being my friends!
>:D<
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johntp
Trad climber
By decision or indecision we are where we are.
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Jan 31, 2019 - 07:40pm PT
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This is Brandon's home place I'll leave my posts up for a few weeks and request deletetion from this site in the next few weeks.
Why? Gotta say most of the posts on this thread make my eyes glaze over due to length and prattling on and on and on, so I'm a bit lost.
Aaron, you stepped up for a friend. Says a lot to me.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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I can't help but be worried about B since he's not posted. Really hoping its because he is avoiding emotional drama this thread might have, but really am asking the Universe to keep an eyeball on our fellow Supertopian.
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Yeti
Trad climber
Ketchum, Idaho
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Today is my 32nd anniversary of living without alcohol or any other recreational drug. There are no words to express my gratitude and good fortune at being able to put into action the immortal words of my old friend, Doug Tompkins: "If you are heading in the wrong direction, turn 180 degrees and keep going."
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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hey there say, happiegrrrl... brandon is trying to get hold of you...
check your facebook messages...
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wizard of was
Social climber
serendepidy
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[Click to View YouTube Video]minutes away from a hot bath with an imaginary lady friend this 5 am; fresh, warm toast in my belly, another piece dripping with ghee in my hand, loads of work complete- invoices sent out; gustav holtz on the boom box, i peeped into the not-drunks thread. rooting for brandon and all of you other lovely skews.
i have to admit i found coupons for reality in the penny ads, and i rushed to wallmart, isle 6 / 0 and peeked me up some plastic packed reality. god it's f*#king sweet.
but now, i know. which is a burden upon an errant soul. this exaggerated clarity is tipsy. i can weave through hope, upset sorrow, confound god, and marry the devil and in one fluid sweep.
excuse me superdupertopo..... "hold on sweetie i'll be right there. would you like a kumbucha?"
okay team, im back...just had to buy a minute for my head to unspin...yes i talk to my imaginary friend and serve her drinks. her name is steve and i'm not gay. not that that's bad, gay is actually beautiful if that's the way you love...
where was i? oh yea consummating with the devil....
my point for dropping in, is... and jebus instigated this insight that i'm dropping.... with sobriety comes day-in and day-out clarity. right? my mind is no longer bogged down and trampled with stinky alcohol vapors. thus it's not bouncing down life's lane careening off bad judgement and false realities. nope.
it just see's the world for it's truth. it understands relationships. and calculus. it buys reality on sale. and not from a man in a black jacked on the corner. it pleases and thank you's. it raises children with less shouting. it talks to supertopo and other computer theaters on cue...
i love you guys and i'm in this quest right beside you.
i f*#king hate clarity. especially when it cascades over me in droves. but i also hate being a drunk; kinda slave like to alcohol.
that sh#t f*#ked me up in so many ways. in my experience these negative affects were mostly subtle. like music stopped sounding good. and life seemed like a steaming pile of shite that never cooled. i tried to paint said-sh#t-pile with poetry,
but have you ever tried to paint wet shite?
good. dont.
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Jim Clipper
climber
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Weege? Going straight to persuade a crooked life towards smoother, more curvalinear bends? Thought there should be some recognition for the effort. Fair travels...
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Yury
Mountain climber
T.O.
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Feb 18, 2019 - 02:43pm PT
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Asking for a friend.
How can my friend be convinced to get some external help?
He acknowledges that he has an "A" problem. For example once he was found by police passed out in his car in a residential neighbourhood and as a result lost his driving license for three years.
If he is not watched 24x7 by his family, there is a risk of a relapse.
At the same time he claims that he can manage it on his own and doesn't need any external help.
Do you know what could work in such situation?
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Feb 18, 2019 - 02:54pm PT
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They make us wear those stoopid seat belts but they don’t have the balls to mandate
breathalyser interlocks?
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 18, 2019 - 03:20pm PT
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Yury, unfortunately, they have to want to quit.
For friends and family there is So-Anon. Beieve it or not, its a powerful tool in helping people recognize "their part" in the relationship with the addicted, and learn ways to cope with, deal with and not enable the addict.
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Yury
Mountain climber
T.O.
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Feb 18, 2019 - 04:27pm PT
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Happiegrrrl2, what is "So-Anon"?
I can't find it on Google.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 18, 2019 - 06:25pm PT
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Yuri, my cell phone corrected my typing... Grrrr.
It should be Al-Anon!
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 23, 2019 - 06:04pm PT
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Gotta say-really happy to have my sobriety these days.
I think of what my life might be like by now if I'd not stopped and stayed stopped. Hard to say, of course.
Sometimes I actually think "Thank god I don't WANT to drink, because I'd probably hate my life if I was drinking." I'd probably be unhappy with such a low level job, and ...how would I even keep my drinks cold!?
Funny that something like that could help keep me away from a drink.
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urban burnout
Mountain climber
industrial park
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Feb 23, 2019 - 06:21pm PT
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i'm glad that you're not unhappiegrrrlll. congratulations on sound decision making with respect to your trajectory as a human being.
i also have to say that sobriety better fills my size 8.5 shoes than that size 10 drunk who stood me up for years. i thought that i had strong stride. good wit.
and sometimes i did.
but it always collapsed. sometimes dramatically but more often like 10 grains of sand at a time, emptying my beach.
now dogs sh#t on my white beach and i just employ the wind to shift grains into a strategic heap, thus hiding other's loin spoils.
may i raise my empty glass to, infinity within our hearts;
broke down pasts everywhere.
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Spider Savage
Mountain climber
The shaggy fringe of Los Angeles
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Quit drinking one year ago and enjoying the benefits.
At my age concerned about heath degredation. I've never had much of a drinking problem. My dad did, so I kept and eye on that line and stayed away from it.
Plus there is this:
https://www.aad.org/public/diseases/acne-and-rosacea/rosacea/does-drinking-cause-rosacea
At this point in life I have pretty much experienced and learned all there is to know about drinking. Not much sense in continuing to drink with the negative side effects threating health in various ways.
Escaping the culture of drinking is the hardest part.
Water is very good to drink.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Alcoholism, alive and kicking in my family, as in the codependency.
This morning one of my younger brothers posts on our private family FB page "Can someone get in touch with(other younger brother)? He called and I can't really him" I though it was a phone typo for can't "reach" him. So I called, and got the joy of listening to a drunken person at 10am his time, 9am mine, going on about how he hates life, and nobody cares and...on and on and on and one.
I hear my mother in his voice - for years every night she would get drunk and cry that nobody loved her, only her dog. Being 10, 12, 14, 16 and hearing that for years on end, nightly. And no amount of "I love you mom. I appreciate you." changes one. damned. thing.
So, I know better than to try to placate.
I give him a while to see if it will run its course, but nope. He's just warming up. No reason to live, the only thing keeping him from killing himself is what it would do to the family, the only reason to live is that his cat needs him.
It's not going to turn to a different conversation. By letting him go on - when I eventually DO get off the phone, he will tell himself that he has been validated in his opinion.
So - no.
I tell him he needs to stop drinking; that life WILL change.
He doesn't want to hear that, of course. "Drinking is all I have in life. I'll kill myself one day after stopping. I can kill myself in one day, or do it slowly by drinking."
After attempting to dissuade him from going there, and failing, I tell him that I cannot talk to him when he is drunk, and will call again later.("When?," I ask myself. "He'll never be not drunk.")
He makes it easy by hanging up on me.
An hour later I turn my phone back on and he is calling me.
We repeat the process and again he hangs up when I refuse to condone his alcoholic ranting.
So - YES, it SUCKS. There really is the possibility he would kill himself. I know that. He's drunk. He's been drunk for years.
It isn't a matter of "I can tell him no because I don't think he'll do it." Its a matter of "I HAVE to say no, because whether or not he does it has nothing to do with what I say to him. I'm simply not that powerful."
A part of me has wanted to say "Yeah, I can see why you have no reason to live. Your life really does suck. You could change that, but if you don't want to do that, then...well, yeah - being dead would be a better option for me, for certain."
I don't wish him another 20, 30 , 40 years of suffering in this disease. I know his life would be difficult when sober. He has brain damage due to years of drinking and a couple bad car accidents, and he does seem to have paranoid thinking - due to the alcohol or an underlying illness - the only way to find out is to take away the alcohol to find out.
I wish him sobriety. So he can see if it's really all as bad as he says. I bet he would find out it's not. Even if his body does ache just doing daily crap. Even if he has Tinitus. Even if he has to eat soft food for his ruined teeth and because his throat is ruined from the booze.
But if he won't get sober - No....I wouldn't blame him one bit for opting out. I would be silently saying "He's in a better place."
Can't tell THAT to my family, that's for sure!
I suggested, to the brother who "couldn't really...." that we should talk about doing an intervention when I come through this spring, and maybe he could run it by our sisters to see what they think. That suggestion went unacknowledged. But it takes time for a seed to sprout, and maybe that will happen(though I really doubt it.)
I ran to NYC in 1986 to get away from the disease that ravages my family. In the process I found a life worth living for myself. It took another 10 years for me to find my own exit ramp to sobriety. Going home really IS difficult for me - the ghosts of the past, present and future. Part of me really wishes I could close the door and say "I can't help you all - I have to save myself. Facebook is as close as I want to get - really."
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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TIL 30% of Americans don't drink alcohol at all, 60% drink less than 1 drink a week. The top 10% drink ~74 drinks a week.
edit for response to the below: pretty sure it's not hard at all to tipple down 10+ drinks/servings a day if you start going when you open your eyes. not vouching for the source (random completely untrustworthy website) but...24hr/day, that's under half a drink per hour which is barely enough to "feel" esp if you are habituated
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