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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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New development. My first ever roommate, Aaron in Steamboat has been a friend over the past twenty years since we first met. He learned about what’s going on and coincidentally, has been through the same sh#t. He lives in the twin cities and is pulling strings to get me into a forty day inpatient facility He makes really good money, so that helps. Never thought I’d be at this place in my life, but it seems like the right thing. Plus, my wife is moving out so I can be out of her beautiful hair as she does so. Life is so f*#king bittersweet sometimes.
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dutch, who?
Trad climber
212, celsius
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bran dawn, i suck at sobrity.
i'm even horrible at spelling it.
i join you in struggle, brother.
i often breath foul breath; smells like backyard funk.
you know, when you tip the tallboy to yon lips?
i f*#king hate it. the conundrum.
becuase american reality sucks ass.
no offense to the asse its merely the messenger of foul gas and other shite....
yea, sobriety is horrible is some aspects. am i wrong?
because then you gotta embrace excess and try to pretend that excess is really necessity, and in doing so you shove other venerable organisms (humans, trees, fish, etc) into suppression as you pursue your own personal spoils.)
so we lean to the mean medium and for a short spell
our mind is at ease. it can handle the krooked religions.
my mind is your mind, bran dawn.
i'm dutch. you are ever becoming who you are.
let me cut the poetry with a f*#king knife and share
with you how i've murdered my broke down mind.
skateboarding.
yes. that's right. skateboarding derailed my own personal trainwreck.
how? it's like this:
when i was just climbing and engineering and cutting trees, i drank. because i was safe in my comfort zone. it became boring. so i sought out accomplices to reality. which came in the form of 24 oz. coors.
i almost died. several times. for real, i almost died.
like free soloing 5.10 loose on a gray day. cold. slimy. but boosted by booze. or several other completey horrible circumstances that my booze affinity afforded me (i'm not a f*#king cat but i've been rocketing toward earth with nothing between me and death except, one small interruption (my life.) paul crawford can totally substantiate my story.
so the gist of my post is this: i've been dissatisfied with reality.
i've utilized booze to skew said poison. i've over-employed alcohol nearly unto my personal demise. i stayed in my sick state for years. i've children. and a wife. i could not escape.
SOUL YOU KNOW WHAT I F*#KING DID? I STARTED SKATEBOARDING. WHICH IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. I COULD NOT SKATE F*#KED UP. I COULD NOT SKATE IF I'D DRINKIN' IN THE LAST WEEK. SO I STOPPED DRINKING. BECAUSE, IN NOT DRINKING, I CAN SKATE. and i love skating because it substantiates my imposed stride upon this landscape.
so my advice to you (please try AA and other communal resources available) is to find a pastime - and it must be passionate, that demands of you more than you can author as a drunk.
love,
many.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Brandon,
Hoping the inpatient thing can be a go. It's a great way to get sober sea legs in a safer environment than our usual habitat.
It never occurred to me to use an inpatient, and my early sobriety went really easily. But after I had a fair number of days sober(probably less than a month, but in those first days it's just SO intense, and one day to the next feels like an epic saga), I remember this woman was sharing and referred to the inpatient place she was in.
I was jealous! I even thought "Dang, If I slip, THEN I can go to a treatment place!
I'm sorry that your wife has chosen to move out, but what can you do. Nobody knows what the future will bring.
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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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I am super stoked that I quit drinking 12 years ago. I am a much healthier person physically and emotionally than I was when I was drinking. Super easy for me now. I have no desire to feel like sh#t.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Jan 10, 2019 - 01:43pm PT
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Looks like I’m getting admitted to this 30 day program in Minneapolis tonight. God, I need this.
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John M
climber
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Jan 10, 2019 - 02:19pm PT
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Brandon, Thats great news!
I hope that you have an opportunity while you are in this program to get some counseling. While I disagree with Ken on the terms used to identify people with alcohol problems.. ( I don't like when people identify themselves as an alcoholic. I believe that leads to them holding on to the problem ) I do agree with him that there is more then one root issue with alcoholism. There is the physical habit/addiction and there is the psychological issue. To get completely free from those issues you need time away from alcohol AND you need to delve into why you abuse alcohol. What do you believe alcohol gives you that you can't get any other way? There are a whole host of questions that you need to answer and a good counselor can help guide you. Just remember that you have to come up with the answers. A counselor can help guide you, but they can not ultimately root those answers in you. You have to do that. So I hope that you get counseling and I hope that you do the work. Because bro.. it is work. Its not easy to dig deep into ones own psychology.
One thing that you should be aware of is that this type programs is just the first step. Its a huge step and can really propel you on your way towards being free from any issues with alcohol. but you need to be aware that there are layers to becoming free from being dependent on alcohol. Often people need to get more counseling once they are through a program. It took me about 3 years to be completely free from any issue with alcohol.
I wish you the best on your journey and please check in with us when you can. That doesn't mean breaking the rules while you are in the program. smiling here. It just means that we want to hear from you when its okay.
All the best,
John
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Jan 10, 2019 - 04:12pm PT
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I’m very uncomfortable writing this, but my buddy is going to set up a go fund me account for my recovery. Even with a scholarship it’s still $3900. My bank accoount is at like $200 and my barista wife has to cover all the bills. Not sure how thats going to work. Thinking about selling plasma. I’ll post a link when he gets it going. I feel like such a f*#king mooch but I dont know what else to do. My dad is poor, and I help support my mom and grandma as it is so borrowing money from family is out of the question. Wifes family is poor as well.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Jan 10, 2019 - 06:05pm PT
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I'm sure people will help, even if it's at a very small amount, which will likely be my donation at this time of year.
This last few days has been challenging for me. Without going into details, just want to say how emotionally exhausted I feel. Had a flat tire the other day, and it just took me down. Such a small thing, really, but it's kind of like my emotional battery is easily drained by certain things, which is where I'm at right now, and then even small things can make me just want to curl up and cry.
I'm very lucky that I somehow am one of those lucky ones who really doesn't consider drinking as a way to escape when I feel this way. But I do have to apologize to a lady at the local dog run. Her damned dog was growling at Lucas when we tried to get in and .... while it's true that she could have behaved better, and the meltdown I had was more like *crazy lady* than aimed at her, I know I have to fix my end of that.
Hoping that the issue that has me so emotionally vulnerable right now will pass soon.
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Jan 10, 2019 - 06:22pm PT
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Just saw this. I’ll be pulling for you. You know you can do this.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Jan 11, 2019 - 04:41am PT
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Heading in to the facility in a few. No internet allowed there so I’ll see you all on the other side!
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Jan 11, 2019 - 05:11am PT
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hey there say, Brandon... couldn't sleep ...
am suddenly have a small problem of my own... (my ear ) ...
so i am up...
best wishes and prayers...
we are all rooting for you...
and, we have had our really poor times and folks having to help us...
i lived my whole married life that way, and us all and the kids,
got by...
so i understand your situation...
i'm finally able to 'float' some, now, more than then...
so NEVER be ashamed to LET a friend help...
we will all try...
:)
the bigger shame is never caring to even try...
:)
the best HONOR, too, that a real friend can have, is:
to be ABLE to help...
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Jan 11, 2019 - 05:34am PT
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for their sake[]hope you read-chemical intervention too Dutch-pleez++
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TwistedCrank
climber
Released into general population, Idaho
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Jan 11, 2019 - 08:10am PT
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We're all rooting for you, Brandon! It works if you work it.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Jan 11, 2019 - 08:14am PT
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See you the flip side, good luck!
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hooblie
climber
from out where the anecdotes roam
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Jan 11, 2019 - 12:42pm PT
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what a buddy! you're both going to be enjoying a whole new brand of riches
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Jan 11, 2019 - 01:44pm PT
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Thanks Aaron. Looking forward to hearing from you in this thread!
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Jan 11, 2019 - 04:47pm PT
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hey there say, all...
got a call from brandon... here is where he will be...
HE WANTED THIS TO BE PUT HERE FOR YOU ALL:
so now-- he on his way...
:)
delete by request of his dear friend aaron...
:)
EDIT:
(just so folks can follow clear, what the delete was all about
i left this stuff in)
wow,
Aaron -- just saw your post...
thank you for the share and bearing your heart...
*Brandon_ just call a few hours ago, and shared that
he wanted the address here, so, hope that
has not affected anything, as to you...
thank you for all you are doing... yes-- friend DO best, being
and having, friends!!!
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Jim Clipper
climber
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Jan 11, 2019 - 05:27pm PT
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Great to see the support. Very impressed by Brandon's friends. Best wishes.
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WBraun
climber
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Jan 11, 2019 - 08:15pm PT
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Thanks, Aaron
Where's the Go fund me?
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WBraun
climber
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Jan 11, 2019 - 09:01pm PT
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Sorry ...
I'm looking for the link to help you Aaron since you only have a few dollars to your name and have kids.
I can send you a few dollars more?
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