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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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Aug 29, 2018 - 02:59pm PT
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hang in there Hank. bummed Isa and I did not hit CO on our trip this summer so we missed the chance to try and climb with the various culprits in that area...
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mynameismud
climber
backseat
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Aug 29, 2018 - 05:06pm PT
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Congrats Sal
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johntp
Trad climber
Little Rock and Loving It
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Aug 29, 2018 - 09:09pm PT
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Got a text from my nephew this evening. He knows my history of alcoholism to a degree.
He's having his own problems now. Wife kicked him out today. Has 3 little girls; owns a home here in Little Rock. He wanted to talk. Told him to come over. We've never been close as I've spent the last 30 years in SoCal.
He came over an hour or so ago. We talked for a while. I related my story and let him know from my experience the progressive nature of which addiction takes it's toll. It was a good conversation, but he is still not at the point of acceptance and "readiness" to stop. Hopefully it will sink in.
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Bushman
climber
The state of quantum flux
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Sep 12, 2018 - 08:36am PT
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I have some very bad news… Our son Manuel succumbed to his illnesses on Monday. We were all with him at the hospital when he died, the doctors tried to save him but he was too far along with his liver failure than anyone had thought.
It has been a shock to my wife and our immediate family, and we are all heartbroken and grieving, and we have a lot of things to do in the next several days. I could go into more detail about why and how he passed, but please understand if I do not respond to questions here for awhile.
I only mention it here because he died from cirrosis of the liver due to alcoholism, even though it has been over year since he took his last drink, and even after many weeks and months in and out of the hospital under the care of many doctors and specialists. I just hope that by posting here, if even one person is motivated to face their alcoholism before it’s too late, that I might have done some good.
We were hoping that by this winter he would be eligible and healthy enough to go on the transplant list and he would have a new chance at life. He was only 41 years old and leaves behind a wife and two adult children. We thought we would have a lot more time with him, a few more years at least.
-Tim
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fear
Ice climber
hartford, ct
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Sep 12, 2018 - 09:03am PT
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Damn Tim.... That sucks. Goes to show the damage is not easily repaired.
Sorry for your loss...
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Woody the Beaver
Trad climber
Soldier, Idaho
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Sep 12, 2018 - 10:14am PT
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Bushman, what a loss for you and your family. I'm deeply sorry to hear that.
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Capt.
climber
some eastside hovel
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Sep 12, 2018 - 10:14am PT
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Sorry to hear this Tim. Positive vibes and prayers to you and your family.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Sep 12, 2018 - 10:56am PT
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Oh, Bushman. My heart breaks for you and your family. To lose a son, and at such a young age. And to such a horrible reaper. I am so sorry.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Sep 14, 2018 - 04:30pm PT
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Condolences and positive vibes Bushman. Thanks for thinking of us on what’s got to be a horrible time!
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ionlyski
Trad climber
Polebridge, Montana
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Sep 14, 2018 - 09:58pm PT
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Aw Geez Tim (Bushman) that is hard to hear and I'm so sorry.
I can't even imagine; my son is so precious to me and real tragedy has eluded me in my life so far. I honestly don't know if I'd ever be strong enough to handle a loss so close.
Very sorry, that's all,
Arne
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John M
climber
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Sep 14, 2018 - 10:05pm PT
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Thats heart wrenching Bushman.. I love this thread because there is so much positivity in the number of people here who are overcoming their addictions, and yet there is a harsh reality to alcoholism which people have to face daily. I am so sorry for your loss and I pray for strength for you and your family.
John
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Hey guys. I don’t post much anymore, but I’m back on the sober train. Went to my first AA meeting this past Monday, and my second on Tuesday. Whole long story behind this decision, anyone else who is an agnostic/atheist currently in AA? Want to talk? I’m not in crisis or anything, just trying to improve. I figure this is like pre-spray.
Edit; So sorry to hear about your son Bushman.
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hobo_dan
Social climber
Minnesota
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I never really drank too hard but I did not like the way alcohol affected me- made me sort of crabby and less patient. I figured I wasn't doing myself any favors so I have decided to stop drinking- we'll see how this goes.
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Bushman
climber
The state of quantum flux
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Brandon, or any others who can relate to this; Since we lost our boy I’ve gone through a series of emotions I never fully experienced when I lost my brother Tobin back in 1980. For one thing even though Manuel was a fully grown 41 year old man and had been on his own with a family for many years, I still felt that sense of responsibility one feels their entire life for their kids.
The other difference is that when Tobin died I was drinking and toking through it all and for many years after. Many emotions around that were not fully processed by me until years after I became sober. In fact, I didn’t really start remembering more and writing about him until I’d been sober over twenty years. I never drank or used because of pain over losing a brother, but when he died it had been my coping mechanism since my early teen years.
Losing Manuel I’ve felt profound grief, anger, guilt, remorse, uselessness, and meaninglessness. But also I’m experiencing a renewed sense of rekindled love and appreciation for those still alive. I’ve had to reach out to mentors and those I’ve known who’ve gone through similar experience and draw on their strength to keep it together and be strong for my family. There are several survivors who lean on me and I love this family more than anything and wouldn’t want to let anyone down.
But along with all that, I have been an agnostic for many years, and finally rectified my beliefs with purely scientific ideas several years ago. I am an admitted atheist if anyone were to ask, but being in the minority of such beliefs among my family and peers, I don’t bring it up that often anymore.
Point I’m trying to make is; as much anger and blame I’ve felt since Manuel died, towards the disease, myself and my shortfallings as a parent, towards addiction, towards him, and the world itself, I’ve never blamed god this time around. I can’t blame a thing I no longer sense, or feel, or even conjecture about. I understand that the universe is a harsh cold place, our lives are temporary and fleeting. I’m ok with that.
I am so glad to have had a son, he was my adopted son, but I loved him and helped to raise him as my own, and had him in my life for thirty seven years from the age of four when I met his mom and sister, and we became a family. His kids only know me as their grandpa (papa), and the extended families we all share all are now closer because of his loss.
As I mentioned I’m ok with the harsh cold finality of our temporary situation in a harsh cold universe. We live, we often reproduce, then we die. But in the interim we get to know each other some along the way, we love, we find, passions, we hurt and grieve to find common ground to bond together.
We will find in our lives, if we’re fortunate, only few long time close friends and even fewer lasting loves. Passions, hobbies, careers, material possessions, status, physical health, even our reputation and memories will come and go. But in the end when all is said and done, I look up to the night sky and only wonder. Then I go back inside to be close to Manuel’s mom, the one I’ve loved and stood by, and who has stood by and loved me all these years, and near to the one sure and longest lasting expression of what I’ve known and felt from another.
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Trump
climber
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Bushman my condolences on the loss of your son.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It’s a big job just trying to protect ourselves from the perils of being human, and I admire the care and love that you put into doing the same for your child, someone who was born as someone else’s child.
Our best is good enough, for you, for me, for your son, for my kids, and for all the other someone elses among us.
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fear
Ice climber
hartford, ct
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Beautiful thoughts Bushman. Be well.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Oct 24, 2018 - 08:23am PT
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I keep trying for it, but sobriety is something I haven’t attained yet. My wife is leaving me after two years of marriage. I’ve let an addiction dictate my life for so many years and it’s finally caught up with me. Super sad, and I deserve everything. Stay off of the booze, please.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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F*#k. I keep f*#king up. Anyone out there?
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silentone
Mountain climber
wisconsin
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Brandon, we are here for you and I know exactly what your going through........you can only do your best and then do better.........do something besides drinking that gives you peace........I am sober since 12-31-18 so not long but every day I feel stronger....dude I have followed your work in the show me what your building thread and you have a gift........keep on brother..........
Peace
Silent One
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Bushman
climber
The state of quantum flux
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There is joy to be found in your craft, Brandon. There is living beyond pain, fear, grief, and loneliness, brother. We all deserve not killing ourselves with the toxic old demon, alcohol. My life is too full now without booze to barely keep up with it. Wishing you well and good fortune in your attempt to find sobriety. It is a choice you make minute by minute. Just for today you do not have to drink. The journey is always at the beginning.
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