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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Aug 26, 2016 - 03:39pm PT
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Woot! Looks like I should make it to midnight without taking a drink. Here's to all those sober today with me, and a big welcome into the sober circle for anyone still in the throes of addiction. This thread has been a great part of ST for me.
Congratulations with the 2 years, treez!
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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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Aug 28, 2016 - 01:34pm PT
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congrats happy! just hit 10yrs on aug 25th and did not even realize it untill i got pulled over last night for crossing the center line comming back from climbing. told the oscifer I had not had a drink in 10 years.
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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Aug 28, 2016 - 02:06pm PT
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What's ol' Hankster up to these days?
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trailridge127
Trad climber
Loveland, CO
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Supertopoians, I am reaching out for advice. I have a dear friend that has been in a downward cycle with alcohol for the past five years. He is an incredible talented climber and sensitive soul. It has turned from bad to very bad, he can no longer climb and is going from functioning and drinking a lot to incomprehensible drunk by noon. I have been passively encouraging him to lay off the booze. Recently, my concern and efforts have increased, he broke down to me and said that he is drowning and has no control over it. He wants to stop but is way past having the ability to do so. I bought him a SMART recovery workbook, but know that he is not near the level to stop without professional help. So, I am initiating the next step but don't know what my next steps are and what I am up against. My first step is try to get his wife on board with me(unfortunately she is a heavy drinker as well). Their income is limited, so I know that I am going to be invested financially and already am emotionally. Any advice is very appreciated. Thank you
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Bushman
climber
The state of quantum flux
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I am not a professional counselor, just a recovering alcoholic/addict who's been clean and sober for 27 years, so I can only recommend what worked for me. Before I got sober I did not understand what alcoholism and addiction were. I also had never heard of, nor had I any clue as to what codependency was.
Fortunately for me the catalyst was 'hitting bottom' with my drinking. That was precipitated by my wife, having had enough of me and my illness, and taking the kids and walking out the door (luckily for me she returned to my side, after I got sober, and is with me to this day with the caveat of course that I never take another drink).
This might be very hard for your friend to experience, with him being around so many people who either drink and/or are propping him up in some way, either morally or financially.
This roadblock to fully facing the problem is what codependency means, and so long as the person is surrounded by this support system, there is little chance of them 'hitting a bottom,' which might finally give them the opportunity to become humbled enough to find some kind of lasting sobriety.
A lot of this you might already know, so I hope it does not seem like I am lecturing you. But this has been the experience of my own sobriety and that of many friends who have finally found a way to live sober.
I was able to get sober through the program Alcoholics Anonymous, after my wife left me. It was difficult because I don't believe in God, so I had learn to trust in some kind of a higher power in order to find a way to let go of my own willfulness and to do the things that were asked of me (mostly volunteering to give of my time speaking with other alcoholics and opening and closing meetings).
I also learned to trust the groups of long term sober drunks with whom I developed a new kind of camaraderie. These were people of all walks of life, workers, businessmen, educators, doctors, and other professionals.
Well anyway, the books 'Alcoholics Anonymous' and 'Codependent No More' are a good starting point for understanding more about the illness and problems with treatment.
Good luck, it is not my place to tell you to walk away from your friend and let them fall flat on their face if the time comes when they no longer have somewhere to turn to or someone to help them with the disease.
If they are drinking as much as you say they are they may not be able to stop drinking without medical treatment, and to do so without being under the care of a medical professional or a treatment facility.
Without alcohol they might go through some pretty severe withdrawals (such as delirium tremens) and run the risk of having a seizure.
It's a harsh reality that many never find permanent sobriety unless they first reach a condition of incomprehensible demoralization before they're open to the idea of stopping for good, which is a lifetime one day at a time process.
I wish you all the best with your friend.
-Tim (bushman)
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trailridge127
Trad climber
Loveland, CO
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Thank you, that was very thoughtful and helpful
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Good luck!
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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Good post bushman.
Trailridge, thanks for your concern and love for your friend. Best of luck to you both.
Remember, sometimes the hardest thing is to walk away from something that has become too toxic for your own existence.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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He may need professional detox, to avoid the risks associated with withdrawal.
AA is free. There is a suggestion that one pays a buck or two when they pass the hat at meetings, and this pays for rent, literature and coffee/snacks if the meeting has them. But chipping in is not required.
My suggestion: Take him to an open AA meeting(you can look up the phone number for your area by searching "Alcoholics Anonymous" and the name of the town you live in(or nearest one that has a reasonably large population, as that will be where the local "office" is). They can give you meeting times/locations and answer any questions you may have.
Get him to the meeting and into the hands of the sober men there, and then step away a bit.Sure, sit with him at his first meeting, or two, but then - consider going to Al-Anon for yourself, to learn how to manage your own part in the alcoholic relationship. You might be surprised at how helpful it can be!
Good luck to your friend.
Oh....and if they do take that first step, consider mentioning this cool thread on Supertopo about sobriety that you heard of.....
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Mike Honcho
Trad climber
Golden, CO
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Well said Bushman, same here, hit rock bottom. The Wife walked out and then returned by some miracle and is still by my side. Well over 6 years now and we're binge watching Game of Thrones with our 3 Pugs. For me, you had to want what you used to have BACK, so bad!! You'll do anything to get it. That means a lot of sh#t is never coming back, but some of it is.
For me it was an AA meeting, not sure why it worked but it did, in the end.. prayers for your friend.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Dec 31, 2016 - 12:47pm PT
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Happy New Year to all - Remember to be safe out there during the Drinking Hours. If you're trying to stay away from the first one, consider calling and checking in with someone throughout the night, having something sweet available, and keep a (non)alcoholic drink in your hands - don't set it down and wonder which is yours!
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Yury
Mountain climber
T.O.
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Approach by Alcoholics Anonymous may seem like shamanism/voodoo.
However the "Power of Habit" book provides a rational explanation why it works.
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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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totaly stoked to not feel like sh#t on the first day of 2017.....
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
Nothing creative to say
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Apr 20, 2017 - 10:55pm PT
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An old friend went to jail for felony charges in a downward spiral of internal pain and daily drunken stupor. Tried to offer some thoughtful encouragement to work his program some time before that. It's somewhat like having a friend die, but frustratingly worse in that it may not be final and could be more of the same when out.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Aug 26, 2017 - 04:48pm PT
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21 Years sober today!
I had a few mild tinges of "wouldn't a drink be...." in the last two weeks, but nothing really serious and luckily I was well able to remind myself not to play that game for more that the few seconds it takes my brain to notice that I am doing it. For me, I have gained too much to ever risk seeing if I can "get away with a few drinks here and there." I know that I cannot. I know it beyond any doubt.
So, it was a pretty low key day, and I kept forgetting to mention it as my anniversary until I got online.
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okay, whatever
climber
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Aug 26, 2017 - 06:52pm PT
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I echo Walleye's post.
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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Aug 26, 2017 - 08:14pm PT
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Congrats Happie - that's a serious achievement and a reminder that we have to keep working at the positive changes we want to see in our lives.
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Aug 26, 2017 - 08:43pm PT
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The climbing culture has always lauded the heavy drinkers among us...something that has been apparent on ST.
Well...I've been around long enough to have seen far too many of my climbing friend's lives end early because of alcoholism.
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