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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Jan 27, 2015 - 12:08am PT
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it is my honor and privilege to present bvb with his one year chip,
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Vegasclimber
Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
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Feb 15, 2015 - 01:48am PT
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Had a good day yesterday. Spent time with the wife enjoying amazing weather, and taking two friends out climbing - one for the first time, the other's first time outdoors. I always enjoy getting the chance to share our amazing sport with others.
There was a time when I couldn't imagine going a day without a drink. My amazing day with my wife and friends marked 15 years sober. Couldn't be more thankful for the luck, support and strength I have received to make sobriety happen for me for so long.
Keep it up everyone - together we can do this.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Feb 15, 2015 - 02:04am PT
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hey there say, treez... wow, congratulations!!!!
so very happy for you! keep up the good work, :)
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Feb 15, 2015 - 04:48am PT
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Solid work Treez, I felt so much stronger after several months off the sauce. First six mo was the hardest, then a lot of smooth sailing in the years since with one or two bad cravings during times of intense stress. Coming up on five years?(IIRC) in March, along with Jaybro in the same time frame. Originally planned on a year's break, finally admitted to myself that going back on it would be like before, but worse, and it was easy to stay off it at the year mark.
Little things, like this thread, can be a big help. It helped me, many times. When I finally quit, I was struggling, and Linda and Jay had words of encouragement when I really, really needed it. More than they realize, I bet.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Feb 15, 2015 - 07:09am PT
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Hmmm , I didn't realize. Linda probably did, she's smarter than me. You seemed pretty on top of things, I took inspiration from you!
Hard to believe it's been almost five years!
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Woody the Beaver
Trad climber
Soldier, Idaho
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Feb 15, 2015 - 08:24am PT
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Thankster to da Hankster for the five years of this thread! Gratitude for another day!
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 15, 2015 - 12:11pm PT
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Yes, thanks to Hankster, for one of this site's most positive threads.
Met a woman on Day 21 the other day, who was so clearly flying on a Pink Cloud I felt giddy for her. What a time those early days were, when each experience seemed to be a first time one, and life was filled with mystery and magic. Glad I can recall having those feelings all these years later. I got a very good deal, when I signed on the bottom line of committing to getting sober.
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Karen
Trad climber
So Cal urban sprawl Hell
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Feb 15, 2015 - 02:43pm PT
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Feeling really down and just want to "escape", and not through alcohol other means. Yesterday was good but today I seem to not get that damn breakup behind me. Lonely and feeling hopeless, these happening on more days than not.
Hell I do everything people say to do and it just isn't working; I volunteer, workout, go to therapy but still in the sh#t can.
I want to get out of my house, go out to JT but still not sure If I can climb due to my foot issues. Am able to ride my bike and religiously doing so. Hope that venting here some of you guy/women can offer some insight. I don't think I am an addict, have no desire to drink, like I said above other means that I rarely indulge in-too afraid I might end up having to use on a regular basis.
Frankly, just want to sleep and not wake up.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 15, 2015 - 02:45pm PT
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There's more to do in JT than just climb Karen. Come on out and I'll hang with you and hike as you can do.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Feb 24, 2015 - 05:14pm PT
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the delusions have peaked.
the little lies,
they become truth.
psychological grip begins to slip.
the enjoyable mind circus
that usually stars coors is bankrupt.
i have begun to justify unreasonable risk,
on the rock and beyond.
i'm getting a c-.
barely passing each day.
now i love the brink;
peeking over into irreversible suffering,
only to reel back and laugh.
though the void down there begins to tug harder.
and each time i journey into,
a little bit less of me returns.
so a change is due,
actually way over due.
no harm has become of my ill habit;
at least not any tangible harm.
i probably could have been a better dad
the past few years,
but that will always be the case.
i still can love.
i almost lost that.
it was then i knew i had to stop.
there will be a time,
down many roads from here,
where i chip away at
my wayward destiny again.
i will unravel my vitality
and use the broken pieces
to build a throne;
it'll be a beautiful throne,
but i'll never sit in it.
i'll die next to it.
on the floor
like a little angel that don't want
to hover no more;
here's to day one.
of anyone's hell and mine, too.
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drunkenmaster
Social climber
santa rosa
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Feb 24, 2015 - 05:31pm PT
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crazy how feb 15 got a lot of posts on this - it was a bad day for me, drunkenmaster. i never read this thread as i never had a big drinking problem until recently when the drinks got a bit too many too often. im taking a long needed break. i may even need to change my name now maybe :) im thinking stonedmaster might be more appropriate. thank god for positive threads at our st campfire. good on ya hankster. cheers without the beers ya'll!!
peace and love and respect.
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Feb 24, 2015 - 08:02pm PT
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i dont want a drink
i think
burp
did sombody say cheers
what am i celebrating
alls i recall
its been nearly 3 days
since i seen my doll
my 8yo olive
not even a fucing call
her mom won't let me have
what i so earnestly produced
friendship
relationship
love
house
olive
home
hate
goin on 6 yrs
as counted in earths orbits
6 minutes
by the hearts pump
cheers
to the pump
the pumpity pump pump
for if it wasn't for that hump
i prolly end up a grump
or a chump
but no
i have olive
tomorrow at 3
let me see
who shall i be
quantifyably
its up to me
what shall i be
for it is destiny
that i remember yesterday
do i
burp
it's time to stop
start
belch
now add a question mark to the end of every line
BB?
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Feb 24, 2015 - 08:58pm PT
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dafuq?
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Feb 24, 2015 - 09:27pm PT
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my joker is gnome to
goin to mike's liquor
be back in too
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Bushman
Social climber
Elk Grove, California
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Feb 24, 2015 - 09:37pm PT
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Note to Norwegian and Self,
We cannot quantify suffering. But if you truly want to take a walk on the wild side I would entreat you experience a second deeper level of even more nearly complete and almost total incomprehensible demoralization such as I had experienced at about five years sober.
It's not for everyone and certainly I would have chosen an easier route during that phase of my life if it had not included the caveat of witnessing or being unable to witness my untimely demise.
My friend, if I may call you that for I believe we are both afflicted with the same illness, our troubles of course lie not in the long trail of empties that litter the landscape of despair but in the deeper morass of personality disorders and character defects the likes of which no normal person would be required to dredge up and hold to the light to try and make any sense out of.
These deeper flaws of course are not unique to us but somehow along the way we have chosen unconsciously to treat them with prolonged alcohol immersion therapy.
I speak to you about this here more in the hopes that I not forget but also that you might take heart in the fact that you are not alone in your journey and should you so chose to seek out this former drunk and recovering alcoholic not for solace but so that you would be willing to give sobriety a more fervent go.
My fifth year sober was my darkest hour and because I would have chosen to die before I took another drink of alcohol, facing my difficulties stone cold sober was just that; cold, like being alone in a tomb, and sobering in that only I could walk through the painfull and helpless feeling of fully realizing that I had absolutely no control over the people, places, and things in my life.
It has been dark and difficult to go through the low points in my life sober, even with AA, friends, sponsors, service, seemingly futile prayer, and trying like hell to get out of my own way and still I felt as lost and hopeless as when I first walked into my first AA meeting with a monumental hangover and the full realization that I had probably permanently screwed up my relationship with the most important people in my life because I could not stop drinking.
And Weedge I have to tell you as much because I have to remember, there was no going back. The long romance with alcohol was over. She was to me then as she is now, like a wicked voodoo sister on a dark windswept volcanic landscape, hollow, dry, and wholly without any scintilla of future hope for a life worth living.
I could tell you of the many wonderfull and unexpected things that have come to pass since I found sobriety my friend, but it means nothing if I don't tell you of the many dark hours, when the ugly sour horned horse of the loneliest brand of sobriety reared it's ugly head.
So if it's harsh, humbling, self immolation of the rawest variety your looking for, try staying sober for long enough to go through some real sh#t without beers or weed or hardly a leg to stand on, literally. It's what's for breakfast with any long term sobriety and I'm inviting you and egging you on to give it a shot. Come with me if you want to live.
Out of love and friendship I implore you,
-bushman
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ß Î Ø T Ç H
Boulder climber
extraordinaire
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Feb 24, 2015 - 11:39pm PT
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dafuq? Good forum moderation right there.
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Feb 24, 2015 - 11:59pm PT
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ask any old timer who relapsed, what did they learn?
they learned not to take that first drink, no matter what,
but how do you know if you are an alcoholic?
if you have ever woken up with a sunburn on the roof of your mouth,
if you have ever been arrested while in jail,
if you have woke up with a circus midget in your bed,
if you have been run over by your own car while driving it,
if you have ever danced the Tennessee Waltz while in a straight jacket,
then you might be an alcoholic,
what's the difference between an alcoholic and a non alcoholic?
alcoholics drink more,
why is it that non alcoholics don't become alcoholics?
lack of will power, stamina, concentration,
there is a gap of AA members in the 2 to 10 year range of sobriety,
maybe some of them are still sober but quit going to meetings,
probably most quit growing spiritually, when growth stops, recovery stops, you get into a rut and quit the program, so you have to keep working on it,
or else booze will come back and work on you,
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Feb 25, 2015 - 02:04am PT
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right on.
a good lot, here.
thank you bushman for the encouragement and good sentiment;
your tale brings me to a painful self-inquiry:
do i really seek suffering?
as a state,
as i state?
or am i a f*#king coward
that chooses the easy path
and justifies it with stupid and shallow poetry?
and blue your share also strikes the treble cleft
of my sob song.
i'm done f*#king around.
every ass kicking i got, i deserve.
it's time to shine a little,
polish up the chrome and
knock some dents out.
and g, and sprock and treez and everyone else
here tellin' tale of our crooked trail,
these stories could be a ballet.
one of metamorphosis,
a heroic tragedy of superheroes stumbling along a
a symphonic march,
running with demons.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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blowin' the lid off of wellness, over here.
doin alright.
a week out and i got a raise
and a new job assignment
(parking garage in sunnyvale)
no more tree work, for the time being.
my body is destroyed.
like a core-shot,
i'm pretty much just a sheath
of a man.
i do got verve spilling all over the place, though.
i'm even givin some to my neighbor.
tax man hit me a 12 grand bill,
i'm f*#ked financially.
physically i'm also f*#ked.
can't sleep fer shite.
my back is out, maybe broke.
my asse is purple, maybe broke.
i can't even push out a fart with severe grimacing.
my spirits sunk.
i ain't drinkin, though.
i gotta lean on the ol' engineering degree,
which i abhor to employ
because sitting in my chair all
day, indoors typing and staring down a screen
is absolutely deflating.
but the money is rolling in,
i got 12 grand to pay off.
anyway,
all this is more easily swallowed
when my pipes they aint irrigating
adolf's piss.
i've learned that a man who hates life
is quite protected and resilient,
for though the shite around his ankles
keeps getting thicker and deeper,
his stride means nothing to him
so the cruel universe lacks
means at his dying soul.
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Oh, forgot to mention picked up a year a couple of weeks ago. Yay me!
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