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Jennifer Lowe
climber
CO
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Aug 15, 2007 - 12:07am PT
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Molly, Bob Vallevona called me this afternoon with the news. I am so very very sorry. I cannot imagine how much your heart must hurt right now.
You know, it was interesting that Bob should be the one to call because you and Pete always reminded me of Bob and Christine. Both of you so full of positive energy that you were always happy to share with others. People always gravitated to you because you shared that energy with everyone, without hesitation. Know that all of those people whose lives you've touched, as individuals and as a family, even peripherally, are sending you love now and wanting to help hold you up in whatever way we can. You are in my thoughts.
Love, Jen (Lowe)
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Dorsey
climber
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Aug 15, 2007 - 12:32am PT
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Dear Molly and Avery -
Beyond words, though I keep trying to find the right ones.
Maybe it will help one tiny, little bit to know people all over the world are thinking of you and Avery and Pete.
Love, Dorsey
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Molly Absolon
climber
Lander, Wyoming
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Aug 15, 2007 - 12:32am PT
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Thank you all for these stories. I keep coming back to this site again and again. I've laughed and cried and cried some more. I'm so scared to think Avery won't remember Pete so please, please keep sending us your stories. You don't know how much this helps me and everyone who is hurting right now from losing someone we loved.
thank you.
molly
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Jeff Petty
climber
Seattle
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Aug 15, 2007 - 12:46am PT
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Dear Molly and Avery and extended family -
I am so, so sorry. I had late night and early morning calls Monday from Megan and then Drew in Bozeman and was starting to worry that there might be bad news, and then Mark Johnson came over yesterday and I learned what had happened. What a shock. Later in the day I spoke about it with Dan Dundon, who is also here in Seattle and had heard the news through the NOLS family.
I had spent all of three or four hours with Pete in person, and mostly knew him through friends like Drew and Gary W., Phil, Scott and Michelle, Andy and Molly. Through these folks I held Pete in high esteem for the integrity and joy of life he obviously modeled and transmitted to others. I am reminded of Jim Chisholm comments like "wringing the towel dry" and "sucking the marrow from the bones of life." What a great heart Pete willingly shared. And this forum is testament to what glue he was to the extended family of NOLS and Lander. A great loss and an inspiration to carry forward.
Like Neil I can only imagine the pain of this and hope that you feel held and loved by us all both close and far away.
Jeff
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betsy treadway
climber
WY
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Aug 15, 2007 - 01:02am PT
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Dear Molly and Avery and extended family……
I’ve been looking for words for days now. I haven’t found them yet and I’m not sure I will. Both you and Pete have been a huge part of my life at NOLS over the last 10 years and my heart is just so sad right now for all the people Pete has touched and especially for you, Molly and Avery.
Several days ago, I was paddling on a beautiful river in northern Canada with 5 other NOLS women. Allison Bergh, Kathy Brown and I were sitting on a gravel bar talking about Pete—reflecting on what a great supervisor and mentor Pete had been to all 3 of us…and just how meaningful it had been for us to have Pete in our lives as a coworker and more importantly as a friend. I will miss Pete’s presence in my life…. his laugh, smile and goodness.
It is hard to pick just one thing to write about. I’m overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude for having spent the time that I did with Pete. Mentor, supervisor, coworker and friend—he was truly an inspiring man. His heart was bigger and more caring than I realized, his dedication to you and Avery utterly devotional, his passion for everything he did unmatchable and his uncanny ability to bring brightness to everyone he encountered, remarkable.
In the midst of all the memories that I have of Pete, the one consistent piece to them all—besides his smile and ease, was his ability to always make me feel like everything was going to be OK whether it was making a challenging parent phone call or facilitating a tough debrief I had ahead of me or something else personally important to me, I always felt like they were going to work out just fine as long as Pete was around. I will carry this part of Pete’s spirit with me.
Molly, I can’t possibly express to you how sad I am for what you and Avery have lost. There are no adequate words. My heart is weak from crying, sad for the world to lose such an inspiration and grateful for knowing him in the first place. If I can do anything for you or Avery, please don't hesitate to ask.....
I’ll be in Lander soon. With love ...betsy
Dear Steve,
I cannot possible give you any words that make this easier. I would do anything if I could….but there is nothing I can say to lessen the pain or ease the sadness. Though I would give just about anything to be able to do so…..I wish I could give you a hug but know that I am thinking about you and sending you as much good energy as I can muster! See you soon…betsy
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tommi mchugh
climber
colorado
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Aug 15, 2007 - 01:08am PT
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Molly-
I am so heartbroken for you and Avery! I have tried to write so many times but like so many others I couldn't find words that covered how I feel. But, I had to write when I just saw your post. Molly, I promise you that Avery will remember Pete! It is just that simple even though I know that it feels anything but certain to you right now. I could quote research and all that stuff but instead I just want you to believe me on this one until time can prove it to you. Avery will remember Pete because she is old enough. She will remember Pete because you and Pete are her parents and she has been surrounded with love since before she even came into this world and that love and connection will keep Pete and his memory with her forever. She will remember him because you two will forever be sharing the stories of your lives with Pete. And Molly, because of the impact Pete made on so many lives she will know the stories of Pete that came before she was even born as if she was there. She will remember Pete because of your love, the love of your family and friends and the fact that Pete and his love for you two and his love for life are facts that will be talked about, laughed about and cried about as long as we all live because of the deep impact he had on all of our lives. He will be with you forever Molly. Just as clearly as you know that right now know the same is true for Avery because she loves him and misses him for the exact same reasons but in that amazing way that only happens between little girls and their Dads.
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EleanorH
climber
Anchorage AK
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Aug 15, 2007 - 01:28am PT
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Like most of you, everywhere I look I see Pete. And somehow with each of those memories a smile always comes over my face.
It was one of those perfect blue bird powder days on Teton Pass. Pete and I had been chasing Molly all day. In a last ditch effort to keep up with her, he tried to huck himself off the cornice only to crash and burn 10 feet from the top in a bottomless tree well. He looked down at Molly who was somehow already at the bottom waiting for us and then he looked back at me with a huge grin on his face and snow coming at our every orifice only to say “we make a good team.” That was Pete-always passionate abouthis life and his family.
All my love to you Molly, Avery and your families now and into the years ahead.
I am trying to convince my knee surgeon to let me fly to Lander this weekend but if I loose that fight please know that we Alaskans will be celebrating Pete’s life with all of you at 3 pm on Sunday in the shadow of the Alaska Range.
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Hampton
Social climber
Tucson, AZ
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Aug 15, 2007 - 02:45am PT
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Like most people who know Pete, I am having a hard time believing that he is gone. Molly and Avery, I am so terribly sorry for you and cannot really express how sad I am.
Also for me,like many others who have already posted here, Pete was a great mentor. He debriefed my first NOLS course and my first CL. We shared a tent on the Instructors Mountaineering seminar in the Winds. After that summer, I went to climb at Devils Tower and Pete made a list of climbs that were the perfect next step for me. The next spring he lent me about three sets of cams and made another list for me for a trip to Indian creek. He always seemed to know what everyone was up to and how to get them to the next level. That was true about climbing, work, ...everything.
I have many fond memories of Pete, eating elk burgers in the winds, splitting a six pack after a debrief of a particularly rough course, watching Avery on the big swing at the killer cave. There is no way that Avery will ever forget him... no one that ever met him could. He was awesome and one of my heroes.
Molly, Avery, Steve, and everyone in Lander, my heart is with you and please let me know if there is anything I can do now or later to help you.
Hampton Uzzelle
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Andy Cline
climber
Bow, WA
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Aug 15, 2007 - 02:54am PT
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Molly: I’ve been staring at the screen for I don’t know how long looking at the words and feeling the thoughts of so many who love you and Avery and Pete. All of us looking for an anchor through cyberspace and actually finding each other here, in this space. There are so many amazing people gathering and gathering, in so many different ways, because of our love for the three of you. And you and Pete and Avery are the common bond.
As always, the three of you are bringing people together to share and live life fully and live in moments that matter. You are all that is best about laughing and seizing the day in a life worth living. You are so good at embracing others. Pete was the best at that, wasn’t he? Pete will always and forever be a role model for me of what it means to embody joy. Pure joy. For the love of living, of being around others, of making others shine and look their best and all the while having a great time doing it! I know of only a handful of others who can do the same. And for many years, before I got married, and before I became a dad, I looked to Pete as someone who knew how to do it right. Live the path that’s right for you and love your soul mate passionately. And then, when that little one comes along, love them in every way you know how until your heart breaks. Avery knows her dad intimately, and she will carry that intimacy within and with her for the rest of her life, and you will help her. No matter what happens now or in the future, there will always be a time when it truly was Molly, Pete, and Avery.
I love you and I miss you. I miss our talks about having the same opinionated opinions about certain things. I cherish the way-too- few letters we have written to each other since leaving Lander. I will always laugh at the thought of breaking into a national forest cabin after post-holing in waist deep snow in canyon country, rolling our backpacks in front of us as we plowed along. We will see you soon, and then, after this, we will see you again. You will see and spend joyful time with so many of the people who are writing to you. They will carry Pete forward. You will carry him forward. Avery will carry him always. I truly believe that. And the stories will continue.
With all my love to you, Molly, - Andy
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COT
climber
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Aug 15, 2007 - 03:58am PT
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This spring I hired the Absolons as “models” for a photo shoot featuring general camping gear. Everything went smoothly until I needed Pete to sit still in a camp chair. Sitting still outside was not one of Pete’s strong points, but he faked it well enough.
Dave
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Mark Roy
climber
Lander
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Aug 15, 2007 - 05:48am PT
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When I was a pretty new Instructor at NOLS and Pete was a new "Fast Tracked" Instructor we worked a fall hiking section of a semeter in the Winds together. In addition to a standard heavy pack Pete also carried a hunting license and a slingshot. On the trail he picked up stones of just the right size and density. Finally the quarry flushed out and the grouse lit on a branch hanging over the trail in front of us. Pete took careful aim and missed. He crept closer and missed again. Soon we were directly under the bird who refused to fly despite our abandonment of any pretense of stealth. When Pete ran out of perfect stones he picked up a larger rock and threw it. To his horror he hit the bird which flew off in a puff of feathers. Pete insisted on searching for the bird because he didn't want to leave a wounded animal. Because of Pete's sense of responsibility we searched much too long and arrived at our camp well after all of the students, unfortunately without a bird to cook.
Another of a surprising number of memories from that course is that Pete left for the field without doing something he had told Molly he would do. I don't remember now what it was. But I remember that every evening he would bemoan how much trouble he was going to be in with Molly and brainstorm ways to get a letter out to her with a re-ration that might appease her. I barely knew Molly then but I was pretty sure that Pete wasn't much worried about her being mad, he just wanted to talk about her.
It has been hard for me to rise above the weight of this loss, but today I watched Avery and her cousin Willow and 6 friends play hard all day. They moved from activity to activity without missing a moment of joy. And did I say they played very hard? Their joy was contagious. Then they all disapeared to the basement and the costume bin. After over an hour of planning they moved into the living room and called me in to watch their play. The show began with my son Gavin's warning that there was a lot of dark humor in the play. The influence of Avery's recent wonderful performances in MacBeth in both the community and the children's theater efforts quickly became apparent. Watching the children act out scenes centered on death was disturbing and perplexing to me. I felt very uncomfortable when they referenced the dead father character. But the chidren were not uncomfortable or hesitant or guarded. Avery stayed in character as a princess who was to be poisoned. Her eyes were clear and full of intent. Her movements with her long red boa were graceful and joyous. She spoke strongly and confidently. She had courage, and she gave me some.
Thank you Molly, for the gift of Avery today. Avery won't forget Pete. You won't let that happen and we will help you. Pete is part of Avery and always will be. She cannot forget what is part of her.
Molly and Avery I love you both! I miss you Pete, but I was glad to see glimpses of you in Avery today.
Mark
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hscureman
climber
Lander, Wyoming
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Aug 15, 2007 - 08:40am PT
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As the days go by and the reality sets in, I start to realize that I didn’t just lose a friend – I lost a mentor, a guide, a supporter, and a hero. I don’t put too many people up there with my own father however Pete was the one person I really wanted my dad to meet. I wanted my dad to meet the person that had finally taught me how to be a good leader, how to truly listen and not judge, how to find humor in stressful situations, how to be more analytical and less emotional, how to be involved however not micromanage. Pete could have chose to close that office door of his however, we could rely on Pete coming out on a daily basis asking, “what’s going on” or “how can I help”. He was right there with us, a part of us – he believed in us and we believed in him.
My years in the staffing office were some of the most stressful years however some of the more blessed. I feel like we were the lucky ones – we got Pete Absolon as a boss!! The best kept secret at NOLS (or maybe not so secret)!!! The one thing that gives me some peace in mind is – I know Pete knew we loved and appreciated him. The day we all got together to spontaneously buy him a rope and present him “ The best Boss in the World” award was a day I know meant a lot to him. Meant a lot to us.
Avery – every day he would come in and tell us cute funny stories about you. He would raise his voice to sound like you whenever he’d reenact funny things you would say – or cute comments you would make. I think part of the reason he worked so well with all the woman in our department was because he was taking notes on how to be a good father to you. He was so proud to be your father.
Molly – I remember telling Pete how impressed I was with you. How incredibly nice you are, how athletic you are. He then proceeded to talk about all the things your involved in and just how talented you really are. You could tell with every story – just how much in love he was with you. He was so proud to be your husband.
Pete will forever be an important person to me and I will take the lessons learned from him and hope to be a better person. Pete you meant the world to me –thanks for all the laughter, goofiness, and lessons in life. You will never be forgotten!!
Love to all!!
Heather
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Kari Grady Grossman
climber
Lander, Wyoming
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Aug 15, 2007 - 10:09am PT
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My heart aches for my friends Molly and Avery and all of our Lander community. I wish I could be there to hold you, and hold up the people holding you, and chop onions and cook soup, and make it better - somehow.
Late last night I finally got an internet connection, after 4 days of moving and 12 hours of flying. George and I stayed up late reading every post here and cried. I've been crying for days. It is so difficult to be moving away from you instead of toward you. But I know that canceling our 7 book events this week is not what Pete and Molly would want us to do. So we soldier on, and go through the motions, and stay committed to our mission, drawing strength from the Presence that is, was and will always be Pete Absolon and his beautiful, amazing, and talented wife - whom I am lucky to call friend.
I knew Pete mostly as Avery's amazing daddy and Molly's obvious soulmate. We had passing conversations because he was always passing, usually at high speed on a bicycle,or skis, or running by our house. And I must admit, on more than one occasion, I admired Pete's ripped physique and thought "damn that Molly is a lucky girl!" I often marveled at how the two of you pulled it all off, the pursuit of your adventurous passions, physical fitness, your commitment to each other, the kid juggle - all of it done with complete grace and balance. That takes teamwork and you are an amazing team. And you always will be because it lives on forever in Avery. She is an amazing child who really understands things on a very deep level. She will not forget Pete. He is in the fabric of her being.
To help Avery keep those memories vivid long into her adult life and beyond to share her daddy with her own children someday, George and I would like to make a video of stories about him, as told by the people loved him.
We will come to Lander, as soon as we can, in 3-4 weeks when the shock and flurry of activity subsides, and there is time for people to gather their thoughts. I know Molly Hampton already asked and got the thumbs up from Molly A., so I thought I would post it here.
If anyone who doesn't live in Lander would like to send a video clip to be included, contact us at storyteller@wildheaven.com, for the technical requirements and mailing instructions.
It is a small gesture Molly, but we hope it helps to ease your fears. We will record Avery's memories while they are still young and fresh, and she will always have a visual aide to infuse the deep and lasting memories in her heart. We will try to have it ready for her birthday.
The speech the kids memorized for MacBeth keeps playing in my head..."tommorrow...and tomorrow... and tommorrow... "
Pete was so proud that day. He was sitting next to me. He was beaming. We all were. That is how I will always remember him.
All my love to you both.
Kari
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Liz Tuohy
Trad climber
Lander, WY
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Aug 15, 2007 - 10:13am PT
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I’m a bit of a mess right now trying to figure out what life will look like without Peter Absolon. I miss him.
Pete - I’m a happier and better person for knowing you. Watching you live your life has helped me live a life that represents my values. I’ve watched you build a family. You integrate family, friends and living in a way that multiplies. You’ve helped us build a marriage. You are a stabilizing force in our house, for Gary probably even more than for me. At work I’ve learned from you to take new jobs and not kick myself for being in the learning process for awhile. I remind myself on a regular basis to “Be like Pete”- don’t react, don’t take anything personally, move ahead productively, assume good intentions on all sides. And you’re hilarious. For the life of me I still can’t understand your convoluted explanation for why we can bike despite the “no biking” signs on the forest service ski trails, and I love it, (even though I still think my explanation is better.) It’s been an honor being your friend. I love you. And Pete, it breaks my heart to think of the enormous pain that you would have knowing that you had to leave Molly and Avery.
Molly and Avery - I have heard Pete say so many times at NOLS briefings, “I have a wonderful daughter, so every day is filled with new things. Yesterday Aves …..” We all know the glint in his eyes when he talks about Avery. Twice I asked Pete what the best part of having a kid was, and his reply was the same both times: that it was seeing Molly glow after Avery was born. My heart aches for you. Honestly right now I feel like all the encouraging words I can imagine add up to a bunch of crap. But I also know that we live in a beautiful world, and both of you have a gift of seeing beauty, magic and joy. You are so loved. Pete will never be gone. Whenever I sat with Pete it was clear and understood that you two were part of him. He is part of you forever, and part of us too. I love you both and look forward to our fun adventures to come.
Love,
Liz T.
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skonrad
climber
Laramie, WY
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Aug 15, 2007 - 10:16am PT
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Molly, I just heard the news on WPR when I woke up this morning. I haven't seen you and Pete for a decade, but I remember sharing our winter instuctor's course and shredding great powder in the Bighorn Range, where I first got to know and care for you and Pete. And I remember a hilarious day skiing/boarding in horrible crust at Two Oceans Bowl where Mark Bergstrom just about convinced me that boarding indeed could be better than telemarking as we watched you two connect the dots in the impossible-to-telemark breakable crust. In spite of the conditons, you two were undetered, and the day was filled with laughter. I'm so sorry that Pete is gone.
Sarah Konrad
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daryl
climber
NH
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Aug 15, 2007 - 10:28am PT
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Dear Molly, Avery, and so many friends from long ago,
I too was stricken when I learned of Pete's death, and have just now read through all these posts. Such sadness and comfort to read the stories, to catch glimpses of the Pete we all love.
Pete had such a fierce and playful love of life. Though we started our NOLS work at the same time, and I was older than him, I always looked up to Pete. I'm seeing here on this list that most of us felt that way about Pete. I'm not surprized.
The one course I worked with Pete and Molly was a caving section at Jewell Cave... Tom Haffnor was the CL. It got so cold everything froze solid... except the mustard. Boy, did we eat mustard as we hopped from foot to foot trying not to shiver too hard. I remember Pete had some long cockamaimie explanation for why the ketchup was a block of red ice, but the mustard didn't freeze... as he happily squirted it onto a piece of bread and chowed down. The rest of us were far less satisfied with the meal, but believed his story. He found that hilarious.
That's the thing about Pete. You just believe in him. And even when he's pulling your leg it's the right thing to do, because it really does help to laugh when it's so cold that even the students that HATE caving can't wait to get undergrond and warm up.
I visited Lander last year after way too long away, and as I sat chatting with folks I got a big slap on the back and one of those "hey Buddy!" greetings, and a strong hug. It was like I'd only been away thirty days and stepped off the bus at RMB.
Avery, your Dad was such a bright light in the world, and he made a huge difference in the lives of so many of us. And your Mom, well she's a bright star in her own right. Nonetheless, one of the biggest compliments I can offer you Molly is that you deserved Pete, just as he deserved you. Others have said it better, but you and Pete were an inspiration to many of us struggling to balance love for someone with love for a life in the mountains. You two showed it could be done.
What a blessing to have known Pete,
Daryl Burtnett
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Charlie Gray
Trad climber
Winter Park, Co
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Aug 15, 2007 - 10:31am PT
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Dear Molly and Avery,
It is with a very heavy heart and after so many tears and crying yesterday that I keep trying to write this post. I have my son, Shane, here with me for a few days and that makes it all the more poignant. The lives and the way that Pete touched those lives will remain forever a testament to his greatness as a human being.
Pete was and will always be one of the great standup and standout people - the kind of person you want your children to hang with, the kind of person you would often be envious of, either yourself, or that you wanted to emulate his lifestyle.
And I haven't had a chance yet to read all the stories herein, but I plan on it. You see, sadly, somehow there is a Divine Hand in all of this. I can't tell you why, or how, or especially explain, like Bertrand Russell might ask: how in the heck could a God do this? I won't begin to take a side in that argument, or maintain even what kind of God it could be, because we are, after all, talking about Pete, and I can almost see his response to this right now, and then we'd both laugh! He might give me one of those looks, or simply say: Come on now, are you kidding?
I think he might add: "He didn't have anything to do with it, that was me!"
You see, I found out about this yesterday (Tuesday) in the Kind coffee shop in Estes Park. Just flipping through the paper. But there's more than that. I turned down two days of climbing - a guided day that I had a chance to do, and then turned down a personal day of climbing. Something just was a little fatigued, a little not right. I needed - strangely enough at my age - a rest day. But oddly enough, I turned down a great chance to do some personal climbing, which I don't have much of a chance to do and seldom turn down, if I have a day to go climbing. Well, okay, possible. It can happen. But the stranger element of it, was that I chose to sit and read the Rocky Mountain News, which frankly, I never read. It was truly as if there was the invisible hand of Pete over me, guiding me mine. And then I started to flip through the pages, just scanning the headlines. I wasn't looking for anything, and I had read a bit of another paper sitting nearby, and was pretty much finished reading. But something guided me on, so I continued to flip through the News until I saw a headline which caught my attention about a climber in Wyoming getting killed. And I still thought nothing about it until I read further.
I had never even for a remote second thought that it could be Pete. I think that was the shock of it, the complete and utter trauma of that discovery left me breathless. It was as if the Hulk had just hit me squarely in the solar plexus. I couldn't breath, I barely got up and almost ran from the coffee shop to the river out behind the coffee shop where I could let the tears first well up in my eyes, so that others would not see my loss. What I wanted to do, of course, was scream. Just scream that agonizing kind of scream when we first hear the news.
The uniqueness of how I learned of Pete's passing, though, will always be with me, and somehow or another, there was Pete's hand in all of this, his guiding hand to bring us all together perhaps. But certainly the diviness of his being, Pete's existence, that is, resonates through it all.
It's been a long time since I had been able to spend much time with Pete. But Molly I will say that I am so very fortunate that I was able to catch up with all of you last year in Lander and get, finally, to meet Avery. The very embodiment of you both.
And as you know, I will never forget those moments with Pete, or that time at Eldorado when we went off and did the Edge together and he was hinting the whole time at how mad you might be. He wasn't really supposed to be climbing that day, was he? But you let him go off anyway. You know, I am going to have to get to the bottom of that story, I just think I was happy to not see the fireworks afterwards...)::
I think I have some others to share as well...Pete was not only a great mentor to so many of us, but he was a great friend. I never saw him upset, well, not in any discernible way, that is. At least not while we were back at GW. You know, I think he did less Physics homework than anyone in the class and still came out with the highest or second highest test grades.
I'd ask him how he did and he would say, yeah, alright. "Well, did you pass?" I'd ask. "Yeah". "Well, what did you get" And this would be after barely studying for the test, and he'd say: "A 75 or 76" "Oh, so a C" "No", Pete would explain, "it was graded on a bell curve, and he threw out the highest score, so I got an A." I would just laugh.
That was Pete's style, everything was just so relaxed and natural for him.
He will always be such a brilliant human being for us all, and I will miss him dearly.
Charlie
p.s. I am planning on coming up to Lander this weekend and did not know if there was anything going on Saturday evening at all. I will, of course, along with Russell Hunter, be there for the Sunday service
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Liz Tuohy
Trad climber
Lander, WY
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Aug 15, 2007 - 10:42am PT
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Hello all,
For Pete's memorial service, we are gathering photos. THese photos will be used either in a slide show or in the "Memory Room" that Missy White describes in her entry. They will also be compiled into a book for Molly and Avery.
If you have a good picture of Peter that you would like to share, you can post it to this site, and we can download it on this end.
Thanks.
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IFBIker
Trad climber
Charleston, WV
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Aug 15, 2007 - 12:06pm PT
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How do you post a picture in this forum?
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SuperTopo on the Web
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Let us know!