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E Begoon
Trad climber
Virginia
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Aug 30, 2014 - 09:56am PT
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I think it was Ron Putterbaugh that put Brian onto climbing at an early age, a gift I'm sure he was always grateful of
I still remember when Brian first came onto the Seneca scene in the early 90s probably 90 or 91, looking a little like a deer in the headlights, not exactly sure how to act or what to do. Of course he got over that pretty quick. It was a good time for him to be there, a host of talented and motivated climbers were working the new lines between the cracks and exploring the satellite walls around Seneca and being the likeable person he was, fell right into the fold.
After a season of visiting Seneca as a weekend warrrior he got a job at the Gendarme, working for John Markwell who owned the shop at that time. Being the new person on the team he was stuck running the shop for the first year instead of guiding. One of the chores for the shop guy was to help make harnesses that John had designed, the Simplex. The first week Brian was on the job he cut up a whole spool of webbing to the wrong length, he didn't make employee of the month.
Brian and I climbed a lot together as he was working through the grades at Seneca. I had started a route at Champe Rocks (we had legal access at the time)and had gotten bolts through the 12b crux before darkness brought the effort to a halt. The following weekend was July 4 and Brian went in with me to hold my rope. Knowing he didn't have a prayer of sending the rig and feeling a little sorry knowing he'd be on belay duty for a while I gave him the first burn. He hhiked the crux and headed up to the seam, placed some gear and kept climbing. He had turned a bulge and was out of sight, I was slowly paying out ripe as he got farther and farther from his last gear and I knew by this time he was pretty run out was encouraging him to find a hook or something to drill a bolt from. Finally he got a hook and said he was giong to test it, all went well for a few seconds then I heard the distinctive ping as the hook blew. That was a 40 footer and the first of a string of whips he took that summer to earn the name Flyin' Brian. I went up while he rested and placed the bolt, lower then his high point, then turned the rope over to him, he deserved the route. That route was a turning point for me, I clearly saw Brian had out grown the gumby stage.
While at Seneca Brian adopted a dog he named Nightmare. Nightmare was about 2 feet long with 4 inch legs and as hard headed as they come. One morning we were doing the approach to Champe which entailed a long walk through a pasture field with beef cattle that had a very curious\aggressive attitude toward us. While in the middle of the field we saw the cattle stampeding and quickly realized they were hot on the heals of Nightmare. Brian started calling for the dog and I swear that is the only time he ever listened to Brian, Nightmare started changing his bearing and headed right toward us with 30 black angus thundering right behind him. We looked at each other and at the same time dropped our packs and started running toward the fence. The cattle broke off their attack so we cautiously gathered our gear and crossed the fence, once in the safe zone we laughed until tears came. Brian had a great laugh, I'll never forget it.
In 1998 my wife Tracy and I were climbing in the Sierra mountains and decided to take a break and check out the valley for a day. We were in line with the hordes of over weight tourist to get food of some kind when I saw Brian in front of us. What a great reunion!He had just gotten off the wall the day before and was sporting a horrible rope burn from a fall that Ron described earlier in this thread and he wanted Tracy to tend to it for him We debated over the proper course of action and finally decided to us iodine on the wound. The next issue of Climbing magazine that came out a couple weeks later had an article on rope burns and they stressed NOT using iodine, at least we tried. If things went well there will be a picture of Brian and his burn on this post.
The last time I saw Brian was 2011, on the way back east from the Sierra mountains. He only had an hour break before heading back into the rafters of a building where he was spending his days in a porta ledge while working a show. We went to a seedy Mexican joint to eat and had a great time catching up, but I remember being disappointed not having more time with my old friend. About two weeks ago while looking through some pictures I came across the picture of Brian, Tracy and me on that last visit and thought I needed to call him. I waited too long.
I feel privileged to call Flyin' Brian McCray a friend
Eddie Begoon
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filmcookie
climber
nashville
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Aug 30, 2014 - 02:13pm PT
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brian was my cousin, my friend and a man i greatly admired. having few to really mourn with, celebrate his life with...i find myself here. the photographs and stories shared here are quite something. i'll attempt to share a few. maybe they'll make you laugh. or smile. or simply give you a glimpse of the boy i knew who persevered and went on to be the man you all came to know and love.
when i received the phone call, well, it's difficult to describe my reaction. i know there were tears. howls. my heart sunk to the floor. i screamed "why" over and over (even though i all too well understand why) then my mind went to...grandma. knowing she would have little comfort up there, i packed my bags and jumped in my car to make the journey to her. when i arrived at her door, i dove into a week of pain, laughter, tears and stories. many stories.
my grandma is too frail to travel. on friday, i planned the best memorial i could in her tiny apartment at the assisted living home. she sat in her recliner, the one brian and i both know so well. i was at her feet, holding her hand. a candle had been lit, we sat in silence, our heads down. at some point i looked up to see many tears streaming down her face.
my grandma is one of the strongest women i know, to see those tears broke me. how do you explain suicide to a 92-year-old woman in so much pain? i tried my best: grandma, you gave him life and love. he took that and gave it to so many. thousands of people around the world.
i repeated to her, some people are just too good for this world.
throughout the week i read her many stories i found here and elsewhere which brought some comfort. she spends the majority of her days alone in her room, i know the cards will help tremendously. thank you in advance for those.
brian told grandma many, many times that she and my grandpa saved his life. and they did. they stepped in and cared for a young boy when no-one else would. they made sure he had the things so many take for granted.
and they loved him. there was lots of love.
in my opinion, he eventually escaped to climbing and went on to be one of the greatest. he was surrounded by many who became family. i have witnessed this here with great joy. meanwhile, around the same time he found climbing, i escaped to the film business, surrounded by like-minded souls who always made me feel safe. brian and i traveled very similar paths throughout our lives and kept in touch. there were many phone calls and emails exchanged over the years. i was/am often overcome with memories of much trauma, pain and sadness. he was always on the other end somehow helping me find humor amidst it all. humor is not the right word. i can't really explain it. those of you who know him well will probably understand what i mean. i remember a phone conversation about 3 years ago when i called to check in, without saying too much, it was a f**ked up sad situation and he, hurting, managed to make me laugh. that was who he was.
he took the higher road, always. when he did express the same emotions i was feeling, he did so in the most profound ways. a lessor man might have held onto the resentment, pain and anger but manifested it in a different way.
Brian turned it into something beautiful by touching so many lives.
i love you, brian.
thank you, brian.
you will forever be in my heart.
my love and gratitude to each and every single one of you.
kim mccray
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jstan
climber
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Aug 30, 2014 - 03:10pm PT
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I have to call this out, Read Filmcookie's post.
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md307
climber
jackson, wy
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Aug 30, 2014 - 04:04pm PT
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I can’t make it to Vegas today but I can wear my special shirt! When Brian first got these(1999?) I offered to buy one, the response was, “You can have one…as long as you wear it.” It has many more holes than are visible in the picture so it only comes out occasionally. Today I think I will take it to the gym.
Thanks to everyone who has shared such great stories and photos.
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marty(r)
climber
beneath the valley of ultravegans
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Aug 30, 2014 - 10:19pm PT
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Andrew Barnes
Ice climber
Albany, NY
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Aug 31, 2014 - 12:10am PT
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Rest in peace, bro, you are deeply missed.
I had an email exchange with Brian many years ago, and he was very friendly and supportive with beta. I asked him about the Rainbow wall at Red Rocks,
and he was so psyched even for an unknown mediocre like me. He resoled my shoes, gave beta, encouragement, and I could feel the warmth even by email.
5.14, A5, and hard alpine climbs in Alaska - the ultimate climber's climber.
Heart of gold.
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the albatross
Gym climber
Flagstaff
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Aug 31, 2014 - 07:40pm PT
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Eddie thanks for retelling the story of how he earned the nickname Fly'n Brian.
Kim, thank you for sharing so much with us. Brian was an amazing human being and an inspiration to thousands across the world. By showing us how to see the world with a different set of eyes, Brian changed the face of rock climbing. Those are some great pics of the goof growing up!
I hope more people share stories about how Brian changed their lives.
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chappy
Social climber
ventura
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Aug 31, 2014 - 07:49pm PT
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Didn't know Brian. Sounds like an amazing guy. Wow...to think how desperate or lost or alone (don't really know what to say here) one must feel to follow this path to find peace. I think of Yabo. I think of the sense of helplessness we all feel when one who we know and care for takes this path. Dude, just call me and we'll make it all better! If it was just so easy...
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the albatross
Gym climber
Flagstaff
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Aug 31, 2014 - 08:15pm PT
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We said our earthly goodbyes and sent the mighty warrior Brian McCray on to his next mission.
To say that his Viking Pyre was intense would not even begin to describe the mind blowing experience we witnessed. And last nights blowout was awesome - slides, food, black roses, booze, lots of great folks - even some drunken late night brawling. I'm sure Brian's spirit was howling at the chaos!
I hope that everyone is able to find peace in Brian's decisions in life and death. I feel like we should celebrate this great beast with the honor and respect he earned. Brian lived his adult life exactly the way he wanted all the way to the end, for this we might feel wonder and awe because most of us are not so fortunate. I know that Brians death has left a huge hole in many of our hearts and hope that people come to understand that he was very much a warrior who lived and died on his own terms. We may even feel blessed to have been given a glimpse into the soul of this dark angel.
Brian thank you so much for sharing the razors edge and for teaching me so much about death and life.
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nah000
climber
canuckistan
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Aug 31, 2014 - 09:44pm PT
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anybody looking for a good story about brian should check out the article written by bridwell about their [and others] bear's tooth climb, in the 2000 AAJ.
i doubt bridwell has given the high praise that follows to too many people:
Avalanches of spindrift cascaded over the fragile tents through the black hours. In the morning I peeked out the zipper door to a winter wonderland. Real horror show stuff... an avalanche brought rapid door closure. I brushed the snow off me into the tent bottom and snuggled back in the bag to do the hang.
Around noon, Fly 'n Brian could hang no more.
"I'm going up," he declared with purpose in his voice. I spent the night in the tent with a crazy guy, I thought.
"Really," I said. "Have you looked out?"
An hour later, he was on the ropes. I was impressed. I have never seen anyone climb technical rock in conditions this bad. I remember this being the most technical pitch to my previous high point. A pendulum to loose hooking... lots of it... with little protection, then looking for two rivets on the snow-plastered wall... This ought to be good, I pondered.
A long time passed after the pendulum, with occasional moments of disgruntled vocabulary. Hooking must have been tough with everything hidden under the snow. Then came a crashing rattle of hardware and excited language. Soon after, a repeat performance was heard through the hiss of avalanches. A while later, a great sigh of relief signalled Fly 'n Brian's success. When I quizzed him that evening, he confessed, "I wanted to see what it would be like."
the whole article is worth a read and starts on p. 37...
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the albatross
Gym climber
Flagstaff
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Snipped from an email from Brian:
"how many are there that can live based on integrity, authenticity and trust. those are the qualities that i respect. the rest is trash."
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Jay
Trad climber
Fort Mill, SC
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RIP Brian... the only guy to resole my shoes in the last 10 years. Didn't know him other than by workmanship and sharing the love of climbing, which is a lot, but if he did anything else as well as he fixed up my shoes he will be sorely missed.
A bit of advice from my late and wonderful grandmother... "Life is for the living!" So, after the time for greaving is over go climb, or do whatever gives you vibrance in honor of Brian, yourself and all those who have come and gone in your life.
See y'all on the rocks!
Jay
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the albatross
Gym climber
Flagstaff
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Nice post, Jay. I think your right, Brian would want us to be stoked to follow our dreams and strive to be the best person possible.
Brian was an avid reader and book collector. For a few years we devoured every Chuck Palahnuik book we could get our grubby hands on, calling each other and reading lines from a book.
Favorites include: Fight Club, Survivor, and Choke.
Read and enjoy at your own risk!
While reading Choke, I typed this page out:
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eagle
Trad climber
new paltz, ny
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DUDE LOOKED A BIT LIKE KID ROCK
HE GOT A LOT DONE A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME
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Fluoride
Trad climber
West Los Angeles, CA/Joshua Tree
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Albatross, thanks for the update on Brian's memorial. Sounds like he got amazing farewell. And very moving words on your part.
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the albatross
Gym climber
Flagstaff
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yeah eagle, you got this right fo sure: HE GOT A LOT DONE A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME.
I am grateful for the kind emails and words of support. There's lots more stories to share if folks continue to be interested. I like hearing all tales of how Brian changed a life. I am trying to be careful so that my posts show only respect and admiration for this great teacher.
Here's some more from the man:
"nature explores every possibility with it's creatures and the possibilities are infinite".
"it seems to me that we are all responsible to be exactly who we are. "the best "me" i can possibly be"
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the albatross
Gym climber
Flagstaff
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That man sure could climb. Brian especially enjoyed new routes and was the first to climb many hundreds of pitches.
Cranking some moves, way out there out on the soft stuff.
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greyghost
Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV
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It seems so strange to hear of Brian taking his life. Not so long ago in June 2014 he called me and we talked at length about some new lines and potential lines. We were developing in the same are. He seemed really positive. Often there I'd see him high on the wall on fixed lines and jugs cleaning and trundling.
Sad to have Brian not with us anymore
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the albatross
Gym climber
Flagstaff
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I hope that everyone can find their own peace in Brian's death. It was going to happen sooner or later, one way or another.
We are all going to die. Every lover, every parent, all of your friends and foes, even all your kids and grandkids and pets are going to die. All of us. Dead.
If you can grasp this reality you have come a long way towards living. And living is what we want to do until it is time to die. Become the best person that you can be. The time is now. You will not have much longer. You have a death sentence, a date with an execution and the clock is ticking.
Fly'n Brian McCray is still very much with us.
In our dreams, in our goals and in our memories, in these photos. Plus many hundred (or thousand) climbs for us to suffer on and enjoy.
We can keep Brian alive with the stories, the climbs, the memories, the love. I'm ready to hear of some more adventures.
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Captain...or Skully
climber
in the oil patch...Fricken Bakken, that's where
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When we climbed South Seas, he passed us climbing the PO Wall. He soloed it, then proceeded to climb another route before we got down. Made us look even slower than we were.
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