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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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Nov 19, 2013 - 09:46am PT
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Especially with the kid factor. 3 and 4 years old.
Oh damn, that REALLY hurts. Mine were 3 and 1 when it all went down.
Luckily for the kids we always did a good job of working together when it came to raising them.
It didn't become so toxic that the kids were pawns to get at each other, as so often happens. That part of the effort made all four of us more successful survivors......
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SCseagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Nov 30, 2013 - 12:52am PT
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Hope all is going well for those that may be spending their first holiday after a seismic shift in their family life.
Susan
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thebravecowboy
Social climber
Colorado Plateau
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Nov 30, 2013 - 06:03pm PT
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breaking up sucks. whilst the death of my current - whoa, I mean most recent - partnership can't really compare to the magnitude and intensity of your situation, Lambone, I do seem some parallels.
my monomaniacal focus on my outlets cut deeply into, even negated, my ability/willingness to contribute to the partnership. we were on the skids for months and now she called it quits.
what you feed grows, what you starve dies. keep feeding your relationship with your kiddos!
and don't forget to feed yer own self - go climb!
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Lambone
Big Wall climber
Ashland, Or
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sorry bravecowbody,
I'm still alive though looks like I'll be riding the divorce train. amical split through mediation is on the table and hopefully where things go baring reconciliation. she wont do counseling. no budging on her end, though shes still being civil and friendly. I hope someday she might see a different outcome is possible. says she loves me and just needs to be happier. tough bullet to swallow.
hard times. I'm just being the best me I can be for myself and our kids...
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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I've been there....yes it is a bitter pill to swallow but, trust me, it will be okay on the other end.
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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Be well Lambone.
My parents made a similar situation work better than their marriage. So much less stress for my brother and I after the divorce and they actually were better friends after. They really were friends. Though in talking to them later as an adult they both had some residual heartache about the divorce. Happier for it even so.
So I guess that is my wish for you. If it must happen then I hope it goes as well for you as it did for my Family.
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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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this was a Craigs list post. Not mine.
For sale I have a 1.5ct total weight engagement ring set in 14K white gold. The ring is in like new condition, only worn for a short period of time by Satan herself. Comes with the original box. Very pretty ring with a lower setting so the diamonds won't snag on everything. Diamonds along the sides and in the channel setting show off light from all sides. Originally purchased from Littman's for a sum of money far greater than I am comfortable admitting.
Warning: ring may be cursed as it tends to leave a path of destruction behind it. Possible events associated with this ring include but are not limited to: damage sustained to house, vehicle, heart, downed powerlines, fallen trees, and swarms of locus. I would highly recommend taking action to counter the whirlwind of bad mojo that surround this piece of jewelry. Should consider having curse removed by voodoo priest or something before presenting to loved one. Other than that a very nice piece of jewelry.
Looking to sell this soon before it brings any more bad luck into my life and I'd rather have cash. If not sold by Christmas I plan to throw it into the fires of Mordor.
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couchmaster
climber
pdx
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Lamebone said: "Looks like I'll be riding the divorce train. amical split through mediation is on the table and hopefully where things go baring reconciliation. she wont do counseling."
It's a rare divorce process that doesn't turn to acrimony via satanic and greedy lawyers if you don't do some form of counseling in advance Matt: good luck. I'm not a counselor and never utilized the service being with the same woman now for @34 years and it's still good, but it's what I see over and over and over...........
Tradman, that's hilarious stuff there! I'd made both our rings myself out of silver, figure that keeps the money out of it just a tad and it's what I could afford.
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TWP
Trad climber
Mancos, CO
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For useful cross referenes concerning the joys/rewards of splitting up, read this ST thread.
"By No Coincidence At All - Or Mr. Murphy Never Sleeps"
P.S. Some one should tell me how to reference a direct link to another thread. I'm too retarded to figure it out and too lazy to try.
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Divorce lawyers and marriage counselors always get paid. It would be best to dispense with both of them but that requires agreement......something not in great supply with couples splitting up.
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Klimmer
Mountain climber
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In the midst of it. The preliminary court dates and meetings have begun.
At this moment I'm going it alone without a lawyer. However, if we can't mediate then I'm getting a lawyer. I do have good advice from several Jewish lawyers in synagogue. We'll see what happens.
So far the two meetings have occurred on Jewish Holidays. What's up with that? I'm gonna ask the judge not to allow that anymore. That's bunk.
Women can change, and sometimes not for the better (of course men can too but that didn't happen in my case):
*Personality
*Physically
*Lack of interest in all former outdoor sports we enjoyed together
*Emotionally
*Menopause (read the book, "The Female Brain" by a female neurosurgeon, what an eye opener.)
*Faith or lack thereof
*How they miss-handle money, finances, and wealth
*Mean spirited
And yet I didn't ask for divorce, she did. Doesn't matter however. With "No Fault Divorce" here in California, if you sneeze wrong, your spouse can leave you. Yes, it can be forced on the other spouse even though they don't want it.
HaShem does assign blame in divorce. There can be innocent parties. Sure wish people knew "The Good Book" and believed it, and understood how G-d views things. There will be lots of shock and surprise on Judgement Day. We won't be judged according to the lie of "No Fault Divorce."
Jeremiah 3:20-22 (KJV)
[20] Surely as a wife treacherously departeth from her husband, so have ye dealt treacherously with me, O house of Israel, saith the LORD.
[21] A voice was heard upon the high places, weeping and supplications of the children of Israel: for they have perverted their way, and they have forgotten the LORD their God.
[22] Return, ye backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings. Behold, we come unto thee; for thou art the LORD our God.
Edit:
Dingus,
That isn't the law. Marriage is an institution of G-d. G-d's law, Torah, prevails, regardless of what man's law states. G-d's law trumps man's law every-time.
Divorce is not the unforgivable sin. However, if you do it, and for unjustified biblical reasons, then yes, you have left G-d. One can repent and ask forgiveness from G-d, and reconcile if the other spouse hasn't remarried. If they have remarried, then you have to again ask forgiveness from your former spouse for doing what you did, and then move on. G-d knows the innermost secrets of our heart. You can't fool HaShem.
BTW, how is the relationship going with the 21 year old girl.
She's 26 or 27. I like her. She's likes me. There is no dating going on, just group activities together. I'm technically still married, though my wife left over 2.5 years ago.
The divorce process has begun. What joy. (Sarcasm)
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ncrockclimber
climber
The Desert Oven
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Kilmmer, your wife left you because you are a religious nut. End of story.
BTW, how is the relationship going with the 21 year old girl.
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Lambone
Big Wall climber
Ashland, Or
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It's a rare divorce process that doesn't turn to acrimony via satanic and greedy lawyers if you don't do some form of counseling in advance Matt: good luck. I'm not a counselor and never utilized the service being with the same woman now for @34 years and it's still good, but it's what I see over and over and over...........
yeah we are working through a mediator and family/co-parenting councilor.
I still don't want the divorce but she's moved on to greener pastures. quite literally, as you'd expect would have been the case...
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Why do people bother with the 'L' in the phrase?
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couchmaster
climber
pdx
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"yeah we are working through a mediator and family/co-parenting councilor."
Right on man, it's the best you can do: wishing for a happy outcome for you all.
You too Klimmer.
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guyman
Social climber
Moorpark, CA.
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Lambone.... best of luck to you.
I would recomend that you get an Attorney.... your future EX sounds like she is a first class B.... once thay start talking to one... their mind gets changed... they will want it ALL.
So don't go to a GUN FIGHT armed with a rock.
You will loose.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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hey there say, matt... now... this time is very crucial for you to find the good points in you, that YOU know can't be 'questionable' to your OWN self-esteem...
and then, use each day to build yourself onto a new trail... stay with a few good buddies, DO something each day that you really like:
a hike, a climber, a bike ride, out to supper with a buddy and talk cars, or climbing, or whatever...
each day, you will get stronger in the new trail and you won't slip when the 'haunts' of the divorce drift to hang over you like a dark dreary memory-or-reminder cloud...
do something helpful for a friend, build your friendships, TALK with someone, to get your feelings out and build new feelings about the new trail, to get you grounded and anchored...
this way, when the situation really starts to cave in, you WILL have a strong bridge built, leading you over to solid ground... new grounds, ... friends... and things to do, that you have been doing, that YOU like and that make the day a new kind of joy...
and, forgive her... forgive you... and pray...
and, thus when it is time and you see your kids, your kids will be happy with the dad that they see... and their future will have some hope, as to you, for when you are adults etc... :)
will sure be praying for you...
we are ALL greatoutdoors folks here, we have seen new fresh life, after the storms, even storms that have taken down much...
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Lambone
Big Wall climber
Ashland, Or
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Thanks neebs, been doing that every day. Seeing friends, riding my bike, climbing in the gym, skiing soon. Being a good Dad. I'm seeing therapists regularly, crying a lot, involved with a support group for left behind spouses, crying more. Processing this grief that is sometimes seemingly unbearable.
I know that at this crossroads I have taken the high road. I will be proud of my actions in this moment. I will make mistakes, and I will correct them.
I will keep the light house lit, the torch alive. I will support her journey as best I can, in hope that someday she sees me there. Standing. With our children. Waiting for Mom to come home.
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Daphne
Trad climber
Northern California
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Lambone, the way you are handling this is impressive. I hope you know how many support you here on st.
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