Social Complexity of being a female climber

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JLP

Social climber

The internet

Mar 11, 2009 - 05:36pm PT

If you love to climb and are focused on that, partners who want to share their own love of climbing will come out of the woodwork to climb with you, male or female.

The same can be said of focusing on making yourself a better person rather than worrying about others and how you relate to them.

It is a law of the universe.

Is it any coincidence a few of the main protagonists in this thread seem to be more focused on the antics of others?

tolman_paul

Trad climber

Anchorage, AK

Mar 11, 2009 - 05:45pm PT

My climbing parter is solid 5.11, I'm in 5.8 shape. We're both married. Should I be afraid that he climbs with me because he wants my body?

I've never seen a woman cry when climbing. That would definately be a spoiler for me.

SteveW

Trad climber

The state of confusion

Mar 11, 2009 - 06:11pm PT

Tarbussier. . .A doozy at that!
Will we beat bolting the south face of HD?

ontheedgeandscaredtodeath

Trad climber

San Francisco, Ca

Mar 11, 2009 - 06:23pm PT

Single guy consistently blowing off his regular pards to climb with attractive unmarried female who climbs a few grades lower means, 100% of the time, he's interested in something besides the classic 5.9 down at the local crag. You can take that to the bank.

kellie

climber

Seattle

Mar 11, 2009 - 06:25pm PT

"If you love to climb and are focused on that, partners who want to share their own love of climbing will come out of the woodwork to climb with you, male or female."

I have certainly found this to be true.

Daphne

Trad climber

Mill Valley, CA

Mar 11, 2009 - 07:20pm PT

Thanks Anastasia, for a thought provoking thread. Good luck on the job interview- sending the good luck vibes your way now...

In my experience, some guys who climb with women have ulterior motives, some don't. There's no way to screen for those whose motives are to just climb so you can avoid being hit on because whatever a gal would have to say to screen would come off as egotistical. "I must think I am so hot and that you would, of course, be after me, if I mention that I am not into dating you by mentioning my unavailability."

There's no easy way to head off having to reject a guy- you have to wait until he hits on you. Or deal with your feelings of rejection because he didn't hit on you! And after being rejected it's a rare person who can brush it off, let it go, and still climb with that comfortable easy sense of partnership that makes climbing so much fun.

and, just for the record, I am a curser not a crier.

SammyLee2

Trad climber

Memphis, TN

Mar 11, 2009 - 07:35pm PT

Ontheedgeandscaredtodeath writes

"Single guy consistently blowing off his regular pards to climb with attractive unmarried female who climbs a few grades lower means, 100% of the time, he's interested in something besides the classic 5.9 down at the local crag. You can take that to the bank."

OnTheOtherHand, I've climbed with several female partners. My wife drops us off at the crag with women who climb not just a few grades above me, but a bunch. Never for a second, did I think they were interested in something else. I must be the lucky dude who has hot climbers chics who will "unpaid guide" a dork and a gumby like me.

The only problem I've had were dudes stopping at the belay and looking up at them leading some nice route, then at me, stare for awhile then walk away shaking their heads. There are couple super cool women here who know this to be true.

Bottom line, is I made friends, real friends, with them before and after. My wife loves them as much as I do. It was and will be a pleasure to have some skilled, pretty woman, lead the route that I can barely get up, following.

I did lead a few, and they were shaking in their shoes. "Damn! I almosed puked. If you'd have fallen and survived, I was gonna kill your dumbass!"

Crimpergirl

Social climber

Boulder, Colorado!

Mar 11, 2009 - 07:38pm PT

Bwhahahahhahaaa! I only said I'd kill you that once Sammy! And that was after I backed off. For the record, there was no crying on that trip - it doesn't happen that often. It was a great time!

Fletcher

Trad climber

here to eternity

Mar 11, 2009 - 07:43pm PT

Yes, I third what JLP said (quoted above by kellie).

If you're genuinely passionate about and focused on climbing, you'll get what you need. The wheat is pretty easily separated from the chaff.

Lots of good discussions here on the Taco today... at least the corners I've been looking in on.

Eric

Daphne

Trad climber

Mill Valley, CA

Mar 11, 2009 - 07:46pm PT

Jeff, lots of guys can't stand a girl who curses, maybe that's a way to deal with the whole situation if you want to reject someone. Seems better than commenting on how it feels to have herpes, anyway :-)

Gene

climber

Mar 11, 2009 - 07:52pm PT

Anastasia,

I think this thread will allow you to screen almost all of your prospective male climbing partners. Pretty clever having them post up their attitudes prior to meeting you. You are a genius.

gm

SammyLee2

Trad climber

Memphis, TN

Mar 11, 2009 - 07:52pm PT

Crimpie,

You've revealed youself! I was never gonna reveal those beautiful women I climbed with! It was so much fun, in part because we never had any of the issues that Anastisia has had. Mostly, because you were and are a great climber and I like to climb with folks better than me, so I can learn.

The last trip with you and Dave was something that will live forever in whatever brain I have left to my dying days. Of course we will always remember Paul with his grin and love of life and climbing.

Did I ever tell you, he was buried with a green climbing rope, in a perfect coil, laying over his chest. His brother said, although we could not see, that he had his climbing shoes on. Sorry to be a downer on a thread, just thought you might like to know.

Sorry for the thread drift, bottom line, make friends first. When you do that, you can be honest about lot's of stuff, including your intentions. Maybe there's not time for that, sometimes. Be sensitive to subtle signals.

SammyLee

graniteclimber

Trad climber

Nowhere

Mar 11, 2009 - 07:57pm PT

"bottom line, make friends first."

That is great advice. But the complaint had to do with trips to new areas and meeting new people.

JEM

Social climber

Oxnard, CA

Mar 11, 2009 - 08:37pm PT

SammyLee2

Trad climber

Memphis, TN

Mar 11, 2009 - 08:46pm PT

You're right, at strange areas, there's not time to "make friends". Watch those subtle signals, eye movements (does he follow you with his eyes?) smiles, (does he smile at everthing you say?) Facial expression (an art of it's own)go to http://www.paulekman.com/ to take the test.

Watch the language, suggestive, double entondry (sp)? I think if you're getting any of these, it's time to say, "Hey dude, I just want to climb today, what do you think, eh?" He gets pushy, shove off, asswipe.

Of course, everyone tells me, "you're insensitive" so I might be wrong. Just a thought.

Clint Cummins

Trad climber

SF Bay area, CA

Mar 11, 2009 - 08:57pm PT

The better diaper caption:

Anastasia

climber

Not here

Topic Author's Reply - Mar 11, 2009 - 09:18pm PT

Here I am typing on the phone with tears in my eyes from holding back my laughter! Did you see the mimic thread? Classic!
Gene it is true, people's answers are extremely revealing. I am not the only one benefitting on multiple levels.
Now we all should be careful. There is always someone who wants to bait us beyond a discussion on th sexual tension found in climbing. Gender issues are everywhere and negative for both sexs. Hopefully we grow beyond it as Werner's post suggest.
AF

Mimi

climber

Mar 11, 2009 - 09:39pm PT

This thread is painfully entertaining. It has it all. LOL! I'll have to read it over to fully absorb it.

A good pointer, Ana, is to simply declare when it starts down that path, Back Off! Always worked for me, especially at belays. Fortunately, I was not exactly the hot date...unlike you, my little dolmade. LOL!