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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Mar 14, 2007 - 01:27am PT
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i want a cig too
it's been 4 days since i had *one* and that was the first in three weeks. i felt really stupid smoking with my arm in a sling, feeling the shoulder repair throb and knowing i was just killing the growth of small blood vessels in the shred zone.
i want one right now, but i'm not gonna go have one. instead i'm gonna bitch about it here and go do something else...
nick o'tine's a f*#king bitch. but on some days, she's MY bitch...
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John Moosie
climber
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Mar 14, 2007 - 01:33am PT
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Some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you. Hang in there pagan. Healing is a good thing.
Moosie
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Mar 14, 2007 - 01:40am PT
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thanks moosie ! very much...
tom
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Largo
Sport climber
Venice, Ca
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 14, 2007 - 02:15am PT
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Well, I made it through two days so far. No nicotine. I'm always a little weird but moreso now. I seem weird to my very own self. That's hard to do and I deserve some little credit for the feat.
I wish I could somehow bottle the ingredient for how I am actually doing this. I don't fathom how will power works, or if it's will power or something else that keeps me on the straight and narrow. I simply am not chewing any more, and that's it. How I stick to that decision is a mystery to me because I am famous for waffling on tough decisions.
I have a can of Skoal right here on my desk and sniff it like ten times a day and every time it seems to smell more and more toxic. One more day and I think I'm out of the red zone and then it's the long slow burn to stay off.
I'm doing it somehow, pushed along by unseen hands. . . The spirits want me to stop and so do my kids and my own good sense. F*#k, I've been doing the nicotine thing, massively, for basically 35 years. Most all the Stonemasters worked not only the hemp, in terrible excess, as it were, but tobacco in all forms and variations, most notably the iconic Camel straight, good to roast you windpipe, wrinkle your lungs and rifle enough straight nic into your gizzard to bickle the knees and curdle the brow.
I mean, sh#t, do people realize how absurdly strong those staight Camels are, or the alternative, the nefarious Lucky Strikes ("They're Toasted," whatever the hell that meant--but they too were wicked strong.) And how about the old Chesterfields? Sans filtros. Strong as Hiroshima. Lung busters.
Dood,s amigos, senoritas - I've maintained a love affair with tobacco since I was a young boy, sneaking out back to huff down a few purloined butts when dad wasn't watching. Now I've come full circle and am battling to get my freedome back. But Lord, what fools these mortals be with all that blasted tobaccy!
All along I thoght I was getting away with something, driving around with a "hack" hanging off my lip. I led pitches on walls while working a butt. Seemed pretty suave at the time. Maybe it still is.
Such a funny life . . . and it's a relief that something like this proves to one and all that I'm as common as water, just another boy trying to find his way.
Grateful, spaced out, hangin' tough, most of the way home . . .
JL
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Raydog
Trad climber
Boulder
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Mar 14, 2007 - 02:34am PT
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right on Largo
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John Moosie
climber
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Mar 14, 2007 - 02:48am PT
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Science is revealing that everything is made out of energy. Our thoughts are the guide to this energy. Both what you contain in your conscious mind and what you contain in you subconscious mine control the energy that is you.
The path to spiritual enlightenment is to purify your subconscious along with your conscious. When you concentrate on positive things, that is what you eventually receive. From what you have said, you have been concetrating on cleaning up your life in an effort to give something good to your children. This concentration has created a sort of bank account of positive energy which can be viewed as will. The bible talks about storing up your wealth in heaven, where neither moth nor rust corrupts. The wealth is positive energy which helps you do the things that you want to.
You seem to be a positive person John. You encourage people and support worthy causes. This creates a positive follow of energy which you can then use to help you break energy patterns which don't serve you.
The other thing that is supporting you is the positive energy that you receive from your friends and family. Many people here on supertopo have offered you their good vibes. This is how we support each other. The bible would call it prayer. New age believers call it good energy or sourse energy. The words don't matter. It is the underlying good intentions that is the driving force of your success.
Jesus taught that we are one. One body, one mind, one spirit. When we support one another, we are supporting ourself. When we heal ourself, we add to the healing of everyone. This is of course only a brief description of what is a vast totality of energy of which we are a part. Some day science will realize that spirituality has answers as hopefully spirituality will realize that science is integral. They can and should compliment each other. They both seek the Truth.
I am happy for your success today and send you my best wishes.
Moosie
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Mar 14, 2007 - 10:15am PT
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Moosie - you rock dude.
I send some you thankful energy ;-)
You too largo ;-) no cigs for me, no chew for you...
This was a lot easier every other time i quit - this is the first time i'm not puffin mad bowls to scratch the jones...
Orange juice helps. Grapes help. Remembering my grandmother sneaking out of her oxygen tent to have a smoke in the hallway helps. Emphysema...ironic considering she was a nurse in a cancer ward for her entire life...Sis has been off H for one year. She dropped the smoking habit at will...go figure...
Tom
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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Mar 14, 2007 - 10:47am PT
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"I mean, sh#t, do people realize how absurdly strong those staight Camels are.." apparently, the native weed was way stronger as smoked by the aborignal peoples, the "post-Columbians" reduced the strength by horticulture to make it an acceptable vice.
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Mick K
climber
Northern Sierra
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Mar 14, 2007 - 12:48pm PT
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Way to Go Largo.
I quit cold turkey about 3 years ago after 20 years on the nico-weed, first cigarettes and then chew. I got addicted by working in the tobacco fields in CT at the age of 15. I was hooked before I ever smoked a cigarette.
I was at a can of Skoal a day when I quit cold turkey. I just decided I was never going to chew again. The first few weeks were so bad that I will never quit chewing again and therein lies my motivation never to start again. I still crave it 3 years later.
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Jefe'
Boulder climber
Bishop
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Mar 14, 2007 - 01:18pm PT
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Such a funny life . . . and it's a relief that something like this proves to one and all that I'm as common as water, just another boy trying to find his way.
Grateful, spaced out, hangin' tough, most of the way home . . .
Juan, it's about time you fessed up.
An Upland amigo, Jefe'.
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Mar 14, 2007 - 01:20pm PT
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Largo--You're an inspiration to all of us...even those who don't do nicotine. We've all got vices--some are simply a nuisance, others are deadly. And watching someone break the bonds of addiction empowers each and every one of us with the understanding that we can do it, too. Thank you for sharing your process and progress with us.
Pagan--Way to step up to the plate! It's all about consciousness, isn't it?
I remember walking through the cancer ward when I was 11 and my dad was sick. There were people with their jaws cut away, part of their throats missing, their faces mutilated. I watched a lady in the smoking area put a cigarette up to the hole in her trachea and inhale. Never smoked, never will. My three younger siblings, however, are all totally addicted. They witnessed the same horror show, but for some reason weren't able to connect the dots.
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JLP
Social climber
Fargo, MN
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Mar 14, 2007 - 02:05pm PT
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I smoked about a pack/day for about 7 years. Quitting was rough. Tried a bunch of patches, etc., but cold turkey was the way. I can't imagine what a 20+ year addiction would be like.
After that first 3 weeks of being locked up in my room, the next toughest thing was to break all the associations. For example, after certain foods there was a craving, after certain smells, certain experiences, certain moods. That lasted a long time - many years.
I fell off the wagon, so to speak, after 2-3 years. I was on a wall and my partner was smoking. That experience helped me more clearly see why so many drugs have been consumed on El Cap. Nothing like a little something-something to ease the nerves up there. It felt good to be smoking - just for a few days I told myself. So 2-3 weeks later I was smoking a pack/day again. And for several years after that I still smoked on and off, but mostly off. I was a party smoker. I quit for good about 5 years ago. I actually smoked 1 cig maybe 4 years ago, and hated it. Today I couldn't imagine it. It's just too gross, too counter to my lifestyle. I'm finally clean, but my aerobics are behind people who never smoked - and probably always will be. That's a bummer for me.
I guess it all sounds difficult, but that first 3 weeks is indeed the toughest by far. After maybe 2 months, it was not something I thought about every day.
My mother actually quit through accupuncture. 1.5+ pack/day smoker (for 20+ years) one day, completely content non-smoker the next. No withdrawl symptoms as all. It was amazing. Not sure everyone would have the same success, though.
JLP
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Largo
Sport climber
Venice, Ca
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 16, 2007 - 12:12am PT
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Just a quick update for anyone who might someday have to brave the same epic. This is basically the end of Day 4 and it really didn't get too hard till today. I appreciate that many people have much heavier burdens than my silly nocotine addiction but it really felt pretty hard today - not staying off the snuff (easy), but just being with myself without some numbing agent.
I think this whole thing is a metaphor for the larger issue of believing that you always need something outside to provide satisfaction, be it a woman, a can of Skoal, a big wall, or a partridge in a pear tree. We don't, of course. Ultimately it all boils down to what kind of relationship we have with ourselves, and in giving up nocitine I learned that there was something rather huge standing between me and me.
I've been rambling all day today . . . The ground is shifting beneath my feet but it's all good.
JL
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Raydog
Trad climber
Boulder
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Mar 16, 2007 - 12:15am PT
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That's what I did Largo,
I just rolled with it and tripped on how rad it got and talked about it.
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Brian
climber
Cali
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Mar 16, 2007 - 12:18am PT
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John,
Just came across this today (after spending the morning on your routes up at Mt. Gorgeous). Just wanted to say "stick with it."
I hope all else is well...
Brian
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Mar 16, 2007 - 12:23am PT
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Good for you Largo!!!
Fight the dragon--you'll be feeling better than you have in 20 years soon.
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Watusi
Social climber
Joshua Tree, CA
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Mar 16, 2007 - 01:22am PT
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We're here rooting for you man!!
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Mar 16, 2007 - 01:26am PT
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I am watchin' this thread for content and results. Pullin' for you, Largo, and others who are tryin' to kick.
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spyork
Social climber
Land of Green Stretchy People
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Mar 16, 2007 - 02:27am PT
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Hang in there Largo. I don't know you but I read a couple of your books.
I watched my old man get taken down by by cigs. It was hard to watch a once powerful man go that way. Emphysema, the respiratory therapy guy said its like having your chest crushed. He tried to get the monkey off his back but he couldn't.
My boys watched him fade away. Don't think they will smoke after that.
Steve
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dipper
climber
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Mar 16, 2007 - 02:45am PT
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John,
We've never met, prolly never will. I've read of your exploits over the years and been amazed, stunned and certainly entertained.
Sharing this most difficult pitch with us, punting the cursed weed, trumps them all.
PDH to be sure, but it'll go.
I am touched by all the supporters that have chimed in.
Acupuncture, mindfullness meditation, slowing down and being present are all on your rack.
best wishes,
richard
PS This thread is right up there with a few others in terms of * (5 star). Thanks to all you knuckleheads for not spoiling it with nonsense.
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