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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Feb 15, 2010 - 04:01am PT
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Norwegian a plagiarist?
Say it ain't so!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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Feb 15, 2010 - 08:47am PT
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exposed!
shite i was hoping to slip those lyrics by and claim them as my own.
how could you t*r?
all my credibility is gone. im just a puppet echoing the real masters.
shite. where can i turn now? how will i limp thru the moments before me?
sorry hardman. sorry that i built myself up so galiantly in yours eyes and then crumbled.
nothing is real with me. nothing lasts. nothing really began.
nothing is the anatomical sum of the great and vast unknown!
google that t*r and report your findings gal.
edit: tr as far as i could tell (hell if im watching) you had a pretty drama free return! why break that beautiful trend by pokin me in the ribs? with that shot. it wasn't cheap, as i didn't credit the boys. but gerry is goddam standing right next to his discourse.
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Rick A
climber
Boulder, Colorado
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Feb 15, 2010 - 09:59am PT
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Hank,
It is a very bold act to acknowledge your problem so openly. Add me to the long list of those pulling for you.
Rick
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Feb 15, 2010 - 10:28am PT
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I hear you, Hankster, on the dead relatives thing.
Saw my grandmother living prone on the couch at 5 years old, when we went for a family vacation to visit. Three days travel - she would have known we were coming - and she was barely coherent, on the couch. Able to get up only to pour herself a drink(if her husband wasn't there to get it for her).
Watched what alcoholism did for my mom for many, many years, and began to see symptoms of the same within my self.
Brother died, technically from drowning. But I know it was the alcohol. He was ice fishing, on a lake with underground streams. He knew the lake had these currents. The ice was less than one inch thick.
Alcohol, for those of us who are addicted in whatever form that takes, is a harsh master.
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philo
Trad climber
Somewhere halfway over the rainbow
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Feb 15, 2010 - 11:32am PT
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Carpe Diem.
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Feb 15, 2010 - 11:39am PT
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Norwegian - LOL!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mPO0VYtD3w
(3rd verse)
You say : "'Ere thrice the sun done salutation to the dawn"
And you claim these words as your own
But I've read well, and I've heard them said
A hundred times (maybe less, maybe more)
If you must write prose/poems
The words you use should be your own
Don't plagiarise or take "on loan"
'Cause there's always someone, somewhere
With a big nose, who knows
And who trips you up and laughs
When you fall
Who'll trip you up and laugh
When you fall
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Porkchop_express
Trad climber
Currently in San Diego
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Feb 15, 2010 - 12:11pm PT
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Hey Hank,
Keep hanging in there. I dont know you personally but what I have known and seen of you, I admire, and this just adds to that feeling. It is not easy to be open about problems, especially ones without a simple, pat solution.
I am diabetic and I can't drink--well I could if I really wanted to gamble with the insulin and whatnot, but for all practical purposes, I can't. I too, often feel like I the odd man out when everyone is either drinking beer or talking about it...
I know that starting over after a rough spell is hard, but one way or the other, time marches on so you can either feel bad about the mistakes or just accept that you have to try again, just like when you are working a hard climb.
Keep at it, you have a lot of support here!
Steve
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Evel
Trad climber
Slartibartfasts Newest Fjiord
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Feb 15, 2010 - 02:33pm PT
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Go Hank! You can do whatever you want to do. But I guess you already know that. Make it happen!
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I'm hurtin . . .
Ice climber
midwest
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Feb 15, 2010 - 04:17pm PT
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Lot's of advice, that's for sure. I haven't read it all but some's good, some's not.
For me, it got to the point where the last good thing in my life was going to be the price for the next drink. Climbing and my love for it were long gone. I wanted the sense of ease and comfort that came from drinking, but at the end I wasn't even getting that.
Sober (and happy about it) for over 11 years now. And at 55 climbing as hard as ever, and loving it more.
Problem couldn't be solved by any human power. AA and the 12 Steps did it for me.
Good luck
Rone
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Alexey
Trad climber
San Jose, CA
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Feb 16, 2010 - 01:52pm PT
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Good luck Hankster,
you made me think what I am doing too.
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Edge
Trad climber
New Durham, NH
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Apr 19, 2010 - 10:01pm PT
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I was asked tonight to speak at an AA meeting for the fourth time in a week, all to different crowds and because I recently announced my 5 month anniversary of sobriety.
I mentioned that a couple of on-line climbers threads helped me through the holidays and early 2010. Really, there were several months when I would check in here for hope and strength, and everyone who responded helped me in that regard.
I hope I was able to pass on that positive energy to those that had to sit through my ramblings tonight, and recently.
Thanks to everyone who gave me courage to do the right thing. Without hearing from those of you who share a common passion with me, I am sure this would have taken longer than it already has.
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Largo
Sport climber
The Big Wide Open Face
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Apr 19, 2010 - 10:07pm PT
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Way to go, Edge.
JL
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Edge
Trad climber
New Durham, NH
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Apr 19, 2010 - 10:37pm PT
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Thanks, guys!
I think this is a great thread to keep on the front page.
It took me 25 years to realize that what I was experiencing was not uncommon, in fact it was de rigeur for climbers. Unfortunately, not all of us are hard wired the same, and threads like this can be invaluable.
Again, thanks to those of you who posted. I count every one of you as my virtual sponsors.
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Crimpergirl
Sport climber
Boulder, Colorado!
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Apr 19, 2010 - 10:42pm PT
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Congratulations Edge. :)
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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Apr 19, 2010 - 10:45pm PT
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Congrats, Edge. I'm proud of all of y'all that chose not to drink (or do whatever was causing you trouble) today and didn't. :-)
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Michelle
Social climber
The sucking black hole that is Tuolumne County
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Apr 20, 2010 - 01:09am PT
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wow, best thread in a long time.
best thing I heard at a meeting I keep thinking about lately.. "ya, we say keep coming back, but maybe YOU should try staying.."
so much is more clear now.
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shipoopoi
Big Wall climber
oakland
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Apr 20, 2010 - 03:09am PT
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hankster, you are still the life of a party, with or without booze. you'll always be the lycra clad, comp pimping, girl pimping, rad tradster that i've grown affectionate for. hoping to come out to boulder this summer. maybe we
get together for some sandbagging. ciao, steve
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mountain dog
Trad climber
over the hills and far away
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Apr 20, 2010 - 03:37am PT
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Way to go Edge. I'm coming up on 60 days myself. This thread is what gave me the impetus to commit. It certainly helps to have like minded souls (climbers) in your support group. Thanks to you all.
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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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Apr 20, 2010 - 07:43am PT
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Hankster, I hope you are still hanging in there! The first 6 months were brutal for me, the first year was hard but it has gotten progressivly easier.. coming up on 4 years now. Never went to a meeting though I do seem to enjoy talking about it with other ex drunks..
A few tricks that help me.
Recognise the times when you are vulnerable. For me its right after climbing. still on the adrenalin high and hungy and thirsty as hell. Sometimes just chugging some water gets me over that instant urge. Food also helps in those moments. the body craves sugar from all those years boozing.. If its geting me real bad i have an ice cream.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Apr 20, 2010 - 08:08am PT
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Ah - the sugar thing. So true. I know it is for me, anyway.
I recall a day a few years ago when I was hanging with a few friends at Split Rock(a local swimming hole at the Gunks). There was a PAT-TEE going on that day. Home made booze being passed from picnicker to picniker. Pot in the air. Laughter, fun, silly drunk men telling tales of daring do... and it was a hot, summer day.
I was never comfortable being in groups before I got sober. Until I had my 3rd or so drink - then, I would feel what I called "the wash," a feeling very much like when the aspirin kicks in and the headache I took it for evaporated. An visceral feeling of my body relaxing, and a wondering of just what on earth I had been so uptight over... But, in getting sober and doing service commitments, I learned that "others" aren't so bad after all, and so that day should have been not a big deal, even with all the drinking going on.
For whatever reason, I began to feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was the drinking, but more likely it was a combination of all sorts of stuff going on there. One of the people I was with told me there was a girl actually taking guys on, one by one. A person I'd hung out with on a climbing trip in JTree came over - obnoxiously drunk - and began tearing into me for remaining friends with someone who had done them wrong. The other person I was with, who had broken up with her BF several months ago, had run into him there and they were making doe eyes at each other(she had told me she would be uncomfortable if ever running into him...what a surprise she wasn't - hahahah). And I suddenly began to feel like that woman unto an island herself.
I had my Nalgene of lukewarm water and I can tell you - when I got thirsty, that just was NOT doing it.
I began to be more agitated and decided I had better take a walk and regroup. I went to the van, thinking I would get some crackers, cheese and fruit to bring back and share. Thinking that I was feeling "left out," and the sharing would help(ummm...drunks generally are only interested if you're sharing booze, FYI. Or maybe sex, I suppose. Cheese? Crackers? No - haha).
Anyway, as I rummaged through the cooler, I came upon the jug of orange juice I had. icy cold, and delicious, I slugged a big amount of it.
Immediately, I felt better. IMMEDIATELY!
The triggers were probably definitely there(a sense of separateness/loneliness has always been the sticking point for me, and one of the probable reasons I drank). But it was a hot summer day and I was drinking plain water. Not even chilled water. I wasn't taking care of myself at all. Here I was, at what was tantamount to a party, and I had nothing to imbibe with. I was white-knuckling it.....
The quick dose of sugar brought my body back into some sort of regulation that was amiss, and I brought the orange juice back to the swimming area with me, filled another Nalgene, and felt a LOT better.
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