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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 8, 2008 - 02:02am PT
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These two subjects have been on the first or second page on ST the last couple of days. The concepts of "mellow" and "forgiving" resonate with me. In all seriousness, I believe that I am both mellow and forgiving. But, I seem to be undergoing a test of some sort.
Soon, many of you will read a profile of me, written by my close friend, Pete Takeda, and published in Outside magazine, that will have you questioning everything you think you know about me. Hell, it had ME questioning everything I know about me. Not really. It's so far off base--so out of context and at times downright fabricated--that my initial response was to despise Pete for his traitorous and Fox News style "Fair and balanced" treatment.
Upon reflection, though, I realize the piece is originating out of Pete's inner demons. He is struggling to become a "serious" journalist, dealing with "tough" issues. Who knows, perhaps he's trying to impress his implaccable father. In this age of "reality", sensationalism often trumps the nuance and subtlety that are required for true understanding.
In any case, I've already decided I can only forgive Pete, much as I'd like to hang onto my angry reaction. I will attend his wedding in Steamboat Springs in August, as planned. My question to you, my Taco friends, is how do I go about alleviating the concerns of friends and family--and those who don't know me at all--without giving more energy to a completely specious report?
-JelloOnTheHornsOfADilemma
P.S. Thanks for being a great sounding board!
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L
climber
Jello fan from the City of Lost Angels
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Jello...STEP 1: A rebuttal story in Outside. Not an argument, but illumination from your side of the river.
Edit: As in a Letter to the Editor
I would also do this for my own peace of mind. When you have a supposed friend writing and printing things that portray you in a light that isn't true, sometimes it helps just to write down the areas he fabricated/butchered, etc.
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Caveman
climber
Cumberland Plateau
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"It's so far off base--so out of context and at times downright fabricated"
One thing I have learned when dealing with the media is that truth is really boring. The last time I was interviewed the journalist asked me the exact same question 7 times. The answer evidently was not what they where looking for. The last time they asked the question I became exasperated and fired back with a hypothetical answer instead of fact. They where finally satisfied. Of course you know which response they printed. I was fielding calls for days! caveman
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 8, 2008 - 02:25am PT
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L- amazing that you are so quick to respond, since by your posts on ST, you are a virtual mirror of my own sensibilities. My first thought was to do just that--to respond to Outside with an article of my own.
Two big problems, though: I would be putting my energy down a negative hole when all the time and energy I have is best put toward the good projects I'm currently involved in--ergo, my dilemma! Also, anything I write will be seen as defensive.
The second issue is that I doubt the editors would agree to publish such a piece. Pete told me they were pushing for material to "balance" his effusive celebration of my climbing career. So, any piece I would write would directly bring into question Outside's editorial process
Perhaps a one or two paragraph letter to the ditor would do as much good, pointing out the positive realities of my life, might accomplish as much as a long article that may never see the light of day, but might feel good in the moment?
Once again, thanks for listenning, L.
-JelloNeedsHisFriendsAndAppreciatesThem
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Ouch!
climber
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Impress upon them how hard it is to be humble while drowning in perfection.
If that fails, tell them you have been associating with Woody and Locker. That should cover most felonies and misdemeanors.
Or, you might hide out for awhile till it all blows over and people forget your name.
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 8, 2008 - 02:29am PT
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EXACTLY, Caveman!
-VindicatedJello
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 8, 2008 - 02:31am PT
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Ouch, you always create soul-cleansing laughter! Thanks, man.
-CleanJello
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Anastasia
climber
Not there
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I too would write a contrasting article that tells your own story without addressing his version. (That way it lets the audience figure it out, giving them credit to see things as they are.)
Especially since everyone who has an adult mind knows there is never one or two sides to a story. Human existence is much more complicated. It is driven by past experiences, future dreams and present stimulants. That is why we never really can fully understand another's motives or reality. We only see small simplified versions of it.
In this context you can see how wasteful it is to judge. Instead we should spend our time questioning, learning, and expressing what we do figure out to help others. Only by this way we can learn, grow and teach others which is the whole point of our existence.
So in a much simpler version of what I am trying to write. Just tell your story, don't bother mentioning his version...
People will get it. Relax, life has a way of working out.
AF
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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Hey Jeff,
I just wanted to say that Your kind and generous nature is self evident here on supertopo. Then I started to say that your friends would know what is specious about this article until I realized that it is a supposed friend writing the article. What a quandary.
One of the things my teacher is showing me is that if people knew better, then they would do better. That deep down, we are good, but that we have created the ego which has taken us from our true selves, a self that would not knowingly hurt another.
By knowing this, it becomes easier to Love your friends true self and know that no true harm can befall you from his efforts if you remain true to Love, Honor and Respect for life and the free will of others.
You never know what good can come of this. When people are shook from their complacency they can truly rally around those who have been wronged. This article could end up really benefiting some of the work you are doing now by spurring your true friends.
I bet a lot of Love comes your way out of this, especially if you remain true to kindness.
John
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L
climber
Jello fan from the City of Lost Angels
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Well my friend,
If you know exactly how the article reads, and what's being said (and not said but portrayed), I would write my own heart-felt rebuttal, couched in terms of not only the truth--but as you wrote above--why Pete has written this thing.
I would write it just to get the hurt of a friend's betrayal out of your system first and foremost. Almost like a journal...just spit the crap out along with any painful feelings that come along.
As a writer, you know that first draft is a lot of 2x4s tossed into the wind. Once you've got the emotional release out of the way, you can pare the pile down and build a structured essay.
This is what you might think about sending anyone (friend and family) who might read the article and be upset. This is also what I'd put in a Letter to the Editor...without a single attacking or harsh word about Pete. Just disappointment that a friend would trade upon your friendship.
Jello, I think I would be pre-emptive about this. A warning from you, like you did here, will predispose folks to read it with the knowledge that whoever wrote this is getting paid by the word...
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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" The fewer friends you have, the less you have to worry about one of them stabbing you in the back. "
I am presuming this is a joke because if you have only one friend and that friend stabs you in the back, then you have zero friends and no one to help you survive the back stabbing.
If you have one thousand friends and one tries to stab you in the back, then you have 999 friends watching your back and helping you get through.
We got your back Jeff.
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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It seems to me that you already know what to do, but that will not diminish the sense of betrayal. Good things are seldom easy to accomplish. I agree with the others to let it be. You have a great attitude and I'll bet it will let you shine on through on this one. "The argumentative defense of any proposition is inversely proportional to the truth contained."
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Landgolier
climber
the flatness
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A good friend of mine suddenly got thrust into the public eye lately via a lot of crappy coverage by a local paper too cheap and lazy to find out the truth when a bunch of BS will sell just as many papers and column inches of patio furniture ads. What I think he learned from it is that when people who know you read BS about you, even when presented as fact, they will rally around you and show their support beyond what you can possibly expect. I know you also have a public face to worry about with your business and climbing reputation, but the people that know you will always not only trust you, but reaffirm who you are to others.
Also, even if he does manage to paint you as a screw up of some sort, remember that people will judge you by how you react, not by what you say in reaction. It's like with Floyd Landis; I'm totally agnostic as to whether the guy cheated, but the way he has handled the whole thing has allowed the media to paint him as a deranged obsessive, when in fact when you read his complete statements in print and out of the context of how he has presented them and the ancillary comments he has made, it's a bunch of totally reasonable arguments. But he has come across as a jerk, and allowed the press to see him have TWO or even THREE beers in one sitting (my god, can you imagine drinking three whole beers, much less attempting to speak coherent English afterward?), and all of a sudden he's this odious figure slipping into alcoholism while wishing desperately for his delusions to come true. Unless this story somehow gets "legs" to it, I'd resist the urge to say anything or try to get a letter into Outside or anything like that; people will forget one slanted profile, but a pissing contest draws flies.
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 8, 2008 - 03:21am PT
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OK, Ana and L, I wanted to be a bit lazy and not have to go through the laborious process of decontructing the piece in a positive way. There are still the very practical matters of, 1- any energy I put in this direction will detract from the positive things I'm involved in, and, 2- a full article, which would take some time to write, would be at least six months to a year from seeing print, at which point the current article will have been forgotten.
I think Moosie's right. In fact I do love Pete like a brother (in fact Pete has twisted my own brother's words against me, to bolster the distorted perspective of the piece!) So, I think I'll follow up with a short letter to the editor, and a bit longer letter to friends and family. One of my biggest concerns (among numerous other falsities) is that the article makes it sound like I'm seriously contemplating suicide! What a fugging joke...I have a lovely daughter who talks with me every day in a deep and heartfelt way, a big and extensive family that has always shown unlimited support, and a network of friends around the world. Because of a few symptoms of MS, I'm going to throw it all away, and devastate those I love? Not a chance.
Once again, you guys are wonderful!
-JelloAppreciatesYou
EDIT- Jody's and Longolier's wisdom actually rings most clearly to me. I think I'll let this thing die its' quickest death. And the more energy I put into the good work I'm currently involved in, the more frivolous this article will become.
EDIT EDIT- I should add Wayno's moniker to the above. Thanks, Wayno.
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Jello Bro wrote
"There are still the very practical matters of, 1- any energy I put in this direction will detract from the positive things I'm involved in,"
The key is to make writing this letter to the editor a positive thing. Accept who you are, don't be negative and judgmental about Pete and lay it out without being reactive. Then you express yourself confidently from you center and power.
What could be a more positive exercise than that? Being Bigger than all the crap and yet humble enough not to rage and be offended, you rise higher in yourself. It spiritual aikido.
Thanks for looking for the highest road
peace
karl
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L
climber
Jello fan from the City of Lost Angels
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See, that's my point, Jello-love.
People know you yada, yada, yada. But some "friend" brings up suicide and suddenly, even the people who know you start to have these odd suspicions. Out of love, of course, but that's what innuendo of mental illness will do.
I'm just trying to visualize what I'd think if I read an article by a guy claiming to be such a good friend of yours, and he said he's worried about you taking your life. My first thought would be: Why the blazes is this guy publishing this stuff? But my second thought would be: Oh my god, I hope it's not true.
Just ignoring it on your part...I think some people who truly care for you will worry. And people who only know you through your rep and the Taco...we would worry even more.
Don't be lazy. No need to waste much energy on this, though....brief letter to the editor...and an email note to everyone else.
Edit: And as much as I like Jody...he's afraid of having friends because "one might stab him in the back." Now seriously Mello Jello...have you ever been afraid of friendship because it could turn sour?
Didn't think so.
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 8, 2008 - 03:43am PT
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Gotcha, Karl. Thanks. Now it's off to bed to regenerate some chi.
Love is not too strong a word to express my feelings for my Taco friends. And thanks, Warbler.
-Jeff
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wayne w
Trad climber
the nw
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Lots of wisdom and great advice on this thread.
The saddest part of this whole thing Jello is the fact that you do consider Pete such a good friend, and his article certainly doesn't sound like something you would expect a friend to write.
That has to sting more than a bit.
Having been treated badly by friends and family as a result of my own disabilty and serious issues with my health I have thought long and hard about all of this. The conclusion I have reached in the most extreme examples is to protect myself from them in the future by leaving them in the past.
This has been, and continues to be a difficult decision. However, with that said, their absence has allowed me to have more energy and space in my life for new friends who are less ego driven and are much kinder and more compassionate Spirits. So in a roundabout way those who have forced my hand have actually done me huge favors.
I am not suggesting that you follow my lead and let go of Pete, but letting go of the pain he has and is causing you as quickly as possible is going to give you that much more energy for all of the good work that you are doing in spite of the formidable challenges you face in regard to your physical reality.
"To percieve again and this time it must be said, for all to read and know no matter what, it is all with God. He is gracious and merciful. His way is in love, through which we all are. Whenever and whoever you are, always strive to follow and walk in the right path and ask for aid and assistance...herein lies the ultimate and eternal happiness which is ours through His grace." John Coltrane
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don coyote
climber
mahogany ridge
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OUTSIDE?You believe what they say in OUTSIDE?gggggggggggggg
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Rock Eagle
Trad climber
Central Coast
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"OUTSIDE?You believe what they say in OUTSIDE?gggggggggggggg "
This was my thought exactly - how many here believe Outside Magazine is a credible source of information?
[sidetrack]
The only reason I get a free subscrition is because I reserved a Yosemite campground through recreation.gov. When a hunting and fishing magazine started showing up, I called to complain and cancel, and found out why I was getting these subscriptions.[end rant]
I vote for a letter to the editor, with a copy or similar letter posted here at ST, and emailed to friends. If you opt to write an article, let it be a positive article that stands on its own - and consider publishing somewhere other than Outside.
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