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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Original Post - Dec 13, 2006 - 01:15pm PT
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The organizational meeting of this new off the wall group was held today in SuperTopia. All the usual suspects were present. The first item of business was a name. It was agreed that S.L.A.B. was a nice synergy of whimsy and deadly serious intent, and besides was really kool.
The group could not agree on what S.L.A.B. stood for. Suggestions included:
 Slabs Lithely Ascending Bastions
Serious Leads Above Bolts
Strong Leads Absent Bolts
Stark Lengthy Asinine Bravery
Sinuous Lizards Ascending Boldly (from the member from Toquerville)
Studs Against Loutish Behaviour (one member has dylsexia)
Studly Lengthy Alpine Bivouacs (this suggestion, by the member from northern Utah, was ruled out-of-Topia)
One member hedged his bets, and made several suggestions:
Silly Little Anti-Bolters
Stupid Louts Against Bolts
SLobs Aging Badly
Several perturbed demonstrators then appeared, carrying placards saying “S.L.A.B.s out of SuperTopia”.
During the heated debate, there were repeated references to “BITGOD”. It was unclear how any deity came into the discussion – most of the climbers are pagans or worse, and cheerfully swear their hearts out, when they’re not babbling with fear. A member advised that this acronym, previously unknown to SuperTopia, stands for “Back In The Good Old Days”. This epoch apparently began when each member started climbing, and ended the day before yesterday. Many of the members are of an age when, to put it delicately, all the past is rosy-coloured.
Discussion of the meaning of the name, and of life, was tabled, pending an appearance by LEB.
The meeting turned to the purposes of the new organization. After a lively discussion, the three members who were still conscious agreed that slabs were the only thing that manly men (and women) should climb, that there was a shortage of slabs in the world, that this was all the fault of magazines, climbing gyms, Hilti, Bosch and other reprobates, and that somebody should do something about it as soon as possible. They observed that there was a grotesque over-supply of vertical and over-hanging rock, to the prejudice of normal climbs. Almost anyone can climb a slab, an activity requiring skill and delicacy, unlike so many steep climbs. The lack of slabs is a barrier to entry into our absurd pastime. Besides, with the median ago of SuperTopians now 46 and rising, there was a need for more exit-level climbing.
The group adjourned to the bar, to discuss solutions. They believe that almost any vertical cliff, if tilted at a more reasonable and less vertiginous angle, would offer an infinity of fine, accessible slab climbing. So as to bring this to the attention of the world, they plan to re-orient El Capitan. It’s true that the world would lose what is largely the preserve of a few nutbars, hammering and bashing and pooping away. But it would gain many great new climbs. The old aid routes would offer fine challenges - the Great “Roof” should be a particularly pleasant moderate pitch, and unusually well protected for a slab, at that.
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G_Gnome
Boulder climber
Sick Midget Land
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Dec 13, 2006 - 05:19pm PT
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I assume we are aiming for a slab of about 70 degrees on average? Sounds perfect, let me know how I can help. I may be small but I am damn devious.
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Dec 13, 2006 - 05:22pm PT
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You are a sick man, Anders.
The first suggestion is ALMOST recursive, BTW.
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goatboy smellz
climber
boulder county
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Dec 13, 2006 - 06:29pm PT
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Oh joy, finally an organization to aspire too.
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Mimi
climber
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Dec 13, 2006 - 06:55pm PT
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Can I be treasurer?
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Apocalypsenow
Trad climber
Cali
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Dec 13, 2006 - 06:55pm PT
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Good one Mimi...
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 13, 2006 - 07:32pm PT
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"I refuse to join any club which would have me for a member."
Groucho Marx
Treasurer of a CLIMBERS' organization?! Ha!
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Dec 13, 2006 - 09:02pm PT
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I love africa.
While on a safari in africa, one morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know.
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Dec 13, 2006 - 10:16pm PT
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In the old days, they started with Slab and ended with Flab.
Nowadays, you move to slab when infected with Flab.
Followed by a good helping of Supertopo Blab.
Add bolts and get an OJ Stab
and they nab your big wall crab
and torture him in a lab
with rhymes that end in ab
;-)
Sorry
Karl
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| Messages 1 - 9 of total 9 in this topic |
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