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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Original Post - Oct 20, 2006 - 02:48am PT
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O masters, and mistresses, there is much to report. Since Decoy Developments & Trolls was smuggled out of the Ditch (aka Biggus Ditchus), I have been mocked and persecuted, and accused of being a troll. My identity remains uncertain, though – some think I’m LEB, some jtdrip, some T*R. None have accused me of being Largo or Locker, so I’m safe for now. For a time I worried that the climbers would get organized, compare notes, and parrot me out – but then I remembered the sage advice of the immortal, irascible Don Whillans, that most climbers couldn’t organize a F*** in a brothel.
I have artfully evaded exposure, although the jig may soon be up. The climbers plan to subject me to their initiation rituals, which include liberal blood letting (“jamming”), sacred chants, exposure, and other arcane but clearly dangerous activities.
Remember Blokeingsdale, who went into the heart of the climbers’ nesting grounds, also known as Damp 4. (It was once known as Sunnyside, but the sun don’t shine so much there, so the name was changed.) Blokeingsdale made many valuable observations, but disappeared on his last expedition. It is feared that he has gone native. He had made some progress in interpreting the language, through SHOUTING, charades, and vigorous pantomiming. SHOUTING is an important part of the culture, although its significance is unknown. Linear B may have been a snap compared with this.
There was a report that the monkeys were sending, and I was delighted to hear of this normal behaviour, although the self-identification with monkeys bears closer examination. I thought they might be sending greetings, and presents, for Mothers’ Day. Or possibly gifts to their beloveds. Maybe even thanks to whoever put us all here. At least their tax returns. However, close observation revealed that these monkeys were in isolated environments, from which they could not have sent anything, except perhaps a poop-o-gram.
It was briefly thought that in fact the monkeys, particularly the female monkeys, were spending, not sending. An odd artefact called “She Spends” supported this theory. However, the fairy castle came crashing to earth when we recalled that they have no money to spend. However, this may be part of the climbers’ rich fantasy life, and must be further explored. It is consistent with their over-stimulated imaginations, as they spend much time and effort boxing at shadows and fabricating lurid, contrived explanations for simply explained problems.
Many of the climbers suffer from testosterone poisoning. I am reminded of Crimper’s wisdom: “If we locked up everyone with a Y chromosome, we’d prevent nearly all crime.” However, despite this condition, many maintain a near monastic lifestyle, at least in so far as observation dared go. It is not yet confirmed whether sexual imbalance is the norm in this community, and if so whether polyandry is resorted to. However, in the tradition of hunter-gatherer communities everywhere, unattached males are frequently observed courting (“hitting on”) females in the nearby “norms” community. There are no confirmed observations of successful cross-breeding, and it is unknown whether these unions are endogamous or exogamous.
It appears that better socialization of the adolescent males, of all ages, would be a beneficial investment, to society if not them. This may address many anomalies, and should at least learn them to make nice with the ladies. This concept was put to little George, and he responded “Don’t misunderestimate me! No socialization on my watch.” No one has ever seen him to pay attention, let alone watch.
There are strong community norms – if anything about this community can be considered normal. Outsiders are often treated with hostility, if not wedgies, while those who transgress, or are perceived to transgress, are severely punished. The group, in which all are leaders but fewer will accept responsibility, is quick to raise a hue and cry, with the cheerful insouciance of lynch mobs the world over. As it seems there is little communication with the outside world, this cannot be derivative behaviour, and may in fact be a rare example of parallel evolution. (A few climbers deny that evolution is possible, and, in their case, it seems sadly true.)
The climbers go to extreme lengths to suppress their individuality. Their clothing and paraphernalia are difficult to distinguish without lengthy observation. The infrequency with they bathe makes it hard to tell which is which by eye, although a schooled nose may help. Virtually all have a plethora of tattooes, piercings, and other self-mutilating and nondescript features. It appears that this uniform is intended to emphasize their differences with “norms”, which is further accentuated by the odd nicknames they adopt. These monikers again tend to efface individual’s identity, sometimes to the confusion even of their fellows.
Another aspect of the inhabitants’ rich imaginary life is their frequent use of culinary metaphors. A “jumar” device is known as a “jug”, most likely of beer. A “topo” diagram is a “taco”, a sort of all purpose sandwich. The art of ascending fractures in the rock is called “jamming”, possibly raspberry jam. It is surmised that this obsession with food reflects the poverty and hunger of the climbers’ actual lives.
There is much yet to observe and report, and it should be good for a thesis, if not a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches. My life is in great danger, and I fear that I cannot continue. Look for my next message under the mat in the second shower on the left. Don’t worry – it hasn’t been cleaned for years.
(Thanks to Zander for the idea. Sorry, I got carried away.)
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Standing Strong
Mountain climber
1st star to the right & straight on 'til morning
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Oct 20, 2006 - 04:39am PT
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Oct 21, 2006 - 07:42pm PT
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Brilliant!
Bravo!
Encore!
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Ouch!
climber
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Oct 21, 2006 - 11:24pm PT
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goatboy smellz
climber
boulder county
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Oct 21, 2006 - 11:28pm PT
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Raspberry Jam?
Is that not a route in Vedauwoo?
Along with Peanut Buttered Melt Out?
Only Mark the Nark will tell...
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Wonder
climber
WA
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Oct 22, 2006 - 12:40am PT
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oh please someone help. I was reading MH's post and I went to sleep and fell out of my chair and now I'm lying on the floor and I cant reach my glass of wine.
PS the keyboard landed on the floor with me.
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Oct 22, 2006 - 01:02am PT
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Well, I'm glad it was good for something. Sort of.
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Oct 22, 2006 - 01:19am PT
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Wonder,
Dust yerself off and git back in the saddle lad, wine glass 'n all.
Pronto.
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Oct 22, 2006 - 09:54pm PT
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Dint hear me did ya wonder boy.
That's it, strap yer skate board up by the front door,
Go sit in front of yer compewter, crack open a fresh bottle of vino, and turn all the power buttons off on yer monitor, then, start slurpin yer nifty red wine and repeat 5 times "I will knott post goofy things about Mighty Hikee's Goofy threads, unless and if only to bump them".
Yah 5 times, two slurps of wine per incantation, bro.
(I'll do the same)...
Namaste.
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Zander
Trad climber
Berkeley
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Oct 23, 2006 - 01:18am PT
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After being Awarded the Blokingsdale Chair at Oxford in ’05, I immediately started reacquainting myself with his source material. Very soon I was struck by how much of his very best work was done in collaboration with Mighty Hiker. Though Mighty Hiker’s great monographs such as his Agent Idiosyncratic Orangutan Reports are an accepted part of the canon, his collaborations with Blokingsdale are not as well known. Their seminal work; 52 Playing Cards, Orangutans And The Aliens/ TCU Debate, are, though the basis for all modern research, often overlooked.
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Tahoe climber
Trad climber
a dark-green forester out west
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Oct 18, 2007 - 02:06pm PT
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Bravo.
More, please!
I almost fell out my chair...
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
St. Looney
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Oct 18, 2007 - 03:32pm PT
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MH, touch the back of your head and let me know if there is any white ooze. This is important.
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John Moosie
climber
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Oct 18, 2007 - 03:46pm PT
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LOL, good story. Thanks Mighty Hiker. I fully agree with Tarbuster.
On the other hand. I feel nearly entirely confused. Not knowing you, i don't know what provoked this writing nor its intent, yet I am strangely drawn to it. Perhaps it doesn't need an intent. It simply IS.
No worries though about my state of confusion. I have dwelled in a state of confusion for most of this life and so am accostumed to it. Some days the light of inspiration shines through and I think I am on to something, but most days are just spent in confusion.
Not that confusion is necessarily wrong or bad. It can be difficult if one doesn't realize one is confused and ignorant. If one thinks ones self is cognizant and life throws him a zinger, then suffering is created. But if one realizes that one is confused and ignorant, then one can go with the flow and see where it leads.
Sorry for the ramble. Your writing still makes me smile. Thanks
John
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Oct 18, 2007 - 03:58pm PT
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Thank you for reviving a long ago thread. I was simply having a little fun, and making some observations about our nutty little world. I'm no sociologist, but do like to observe and think, and it's an accepted literary device to take on another persona. Plus I thought it might entertain a few, given the importance of the Valley and Camp 4, and their sometimes inbred ways.
No white ooze was observed in the making of this thread. Unlike Ammon, I haven't yet even got to the top of El Cap. Perhaps that would provide other perspectives.
I noticed that there were new showers at Currie housekeeping and Currie Village this year.
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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If you wanted to be self serving, you could have just bumped this thread. No need to beat around the bush there, with nefarious clandestine links, Anders.
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 3, 2007 - 02:52am PT
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I posted the wrong link in the LEB = brick thread. Sorry.
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Standing Strong
Trad climber
the only coast
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haha MH i understand bcuz that's like something i would have done. altho i think you SHOULD bump threads you've begun if they're cool and not stupid politcal crap. push that OFF the FP, i say!
anders is like one of those philosopher kings. this means that he is NOT self serving. never has been, and he's done a TON for the climbing community, with style and grace.
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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I predict that in 30 years, SS will be just like Lois.
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Standing Strong
Trad climber
the only coast
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she hit me with a left and right / showin' me nothin' but the taillights...
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