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Ian Gill
Big Wall climber
Redding, CA
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jun 4, 2012 - 02:10pm PT
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I climbed my last El cap route about 26 years ago. Since that time. there's been some key negatives in my life, mainly, alcoholism and cancer. But I can say this with 100% certainty - since that last climb, even in my darkest hours, not one single day in my life has gone by where I haven't envisioned myself back on the big stone. Often, when I couldn't sleep, just picturing myself pasting a head or lounging in a portaledge would be enough to calm my mind down and get me to sleep.
So almost a year ago (and I'm 53 now), I started planning out my comeback to the vertical world - I had finally beaten alcohol (so far, and one day at a time), and in November (last year), I would be declared "cancer free". So this was going to be my gift from me to me - going back to what I loved the most.
I trained like a madman, and slowly but surely, built up a modern wall rack (my first El Cap route was before camming devices were available). I set my sights on ZM, and this was to be a solo - something I had never done. Mark Hudon literally taught me how to solo correctly and efficiently through many emails, complete with videos and photos, and chats on the phone - the man is SUCH a wealth of knowledge!
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago - I was sober still and had been declared "cancer free" last November. Life was good! Then I had a routine blood test for an unrelated issue. As soon as my oncologist got a copy of the test, he IMMEDIATELY ordered a CT scan. 2 days later, I'm in his office and get a brick in the face - cancer was BACK - in a big way. So they order the PET scan. Not only do I have cancer in the lung, liver, 2 lymph node masses, and possibly the spine, I've also got a failing kidney, which they need to put a stent in to restore its function.
Alright, so I've got cancer -I beat it once, and I'll do it again. But this is pretty bad timing, seeing as I'm supposed to leave for the ditch in 10 days from today. But the kidney thing is my worst enemy right now. It throws off your electrolyte and enzyme balance, and hinders red blood cell formation, causing anemia, which in turn causes fatigue, shortness of breath, increased hear rate, etc. So THAT'S why I couldn't finish a 27 mile bike ride 3 night ago - something that is so EASY for me
So it's the 11th hour now, and I'm pretty crushed. With big time cancer treatment coming up, I know this is probably the only chance I'm gonna get to live out my dream. I was hoping to keep climbing until I was too old to do it, but that's over with now.
My gut is telling me - "Don't be light, just go!" And I feel like I CAN climb - I just can't carry the bags up to the base or off the top, and am having a hell of a time trying to find a summit team.
Stage 4 cancer with a failing kidney, and I still want to solo El Cap - people who aren't climbers think I'm absolutely nuts!
I meet with the doctors on Thursday - they've already told me to go, but they don't know how much this kidney thing is affecting me. But I HAVE to do it!! I've worked too hard for this, only to get bitch-slapped by cancer again!
Whatever happens, SOOO much thanks to Hudon, and to Ekat and GAGner for keeping the stoke alive!!! Oh yeah... and F**K cancer!
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Phil_B
Social climber
Hercules, CA
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Right on!
Yer gonna live
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monolith
climber
albany,ca
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You won't have any problems getting sherpas for approach or descent. Just ask here!
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ec
climber
ca
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Damn...Ian!
 ec
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Life on the other side better be wonderful, because for all the worry and depression and everything else bad that we go thru later in life has to pay for something,
i pray for you along with many others on the taco,
rent a stack of ,funny movies, mel brooks, steve martin,
if i can find a way to climb el cap for you, i will.
we love you, cj
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labrat
Trad climber
Nevada City, CA
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Good thoughts going your way. Climb and have fun!
Erik
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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Ian, thanks for pushing all of us to do better with what we have.
And oh yeah, thanks for making me feel like a little weenie too...... :0)
I agree with Fatty, find a good partner if you can. It takes nothing away from you and bumps your odds.
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steve shea
climber
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Ian, you beat it once you'll do it again. Go for it, climb ZM, you will succeed. SS
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Kalimon
Trad climber
Ridgway, CO
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Damn Ian . . . what a brutal blow. Life sometimes seems like a cruel hoax, you are a brave person to deal with this so candidly in the public eye. Best wishes for your battle . . . you can overcome whatever obstacle is in your way! We are all sending positive vibrations your way.
Have fun in Yosemite . . . should be plenty of good folks willing to do some hiking for you.
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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That's pretty lousy timing! Arrgh!
It sounds like you have a battle on your hands, and won't be able to get back on El Cap anytime soon.
If you don't get back to El Cap, at least you have done it.
It's a dream that some people have and never accomplish.
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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First off, best of luck in everything.
I'd agree on switching from solo to team if possible. And possibly an easier climb.
If you don't line up sherpas here you can always find some in the valley. Stop by the bridge and ask.
If this is a once in a lifetime climb you could trade gear at the top for sherpa help coming down.
If it doesn't work out, find another dream, climbing is great but there are other worthy adventures too.
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Gilwad
climber
Frozen In Somewhere
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I don't know you, but I think the attitude is rad. Good luck.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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So, in an immediate sense, you're looking for people to carry to the base around the 14th? and then load haulers from the top several days later?
jaybrofiveone three atmedotcalm
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splitter
Trad climber
Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
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You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I'm hoping for the very best!
And, like they say 'it ain't over, till, it's over!'...keep standing strong, bro!!
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couchmaster
climber
pdx
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Wow, what a story Ian. I know that we all check out of this place sooner or later. All of us, and all too soon. But I am wishing you a pain free and speedy recovery, followed by the best trip up the stone which anyone has ever ever done or experienced. Or the reverse, big stone first then recovery: whichever way it plays. All the best.
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FRUMY
Trad climber
SHERMAN OAKS,CA
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Climb-on.
Thanks for sharing. Best to you.
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steveA
Trad climber
bedford,massachusetts
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Ian,
Best thoughts your way. Go to the Valley, if your up for it. Once your there, take the next step. I'm sure the kidney issue is your biggest problem, as far as climbing the big stone. Best of luck to you!
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tinker b
climber
the commonwealth
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what are your dates? i don't get back to cali until mid-july, but if i am around i'll hump a load.
good luck to you.
j
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Ian Gill
Big Wall climber
Redding, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Jun 4, 2012 - 03:26pm PT
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Wow - thanx for all the support. I can appreciate the obvious of getting a partner - I tried getting any of my old crew to go, but no luck. So the idea of a solo seemed more and more like the way to get back on the stone in a big way. Now I'm so wired for solo that it's all I can think of. The Hudon method - like Mark told me, "hey, at our age, just shoot for 2 pitches a day, set up the ledge, and just enjoy being on El Cap. And ZM seemed like a good fit - not only that, but as timing would have it, Hudon was going to be right next door on the Straw at the same time.
I THINK I've got a couple of non-climber mules to help me get up to the base.
I would GLADLY hand out some gear for a couple of sherpas from the top!
I think this decision is getting easier - MANY THANKS for all your comments.
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