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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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Topic Author's Original Post - Aug 18, 2011 - 04:46pm PT
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dear peers,
just had a blow down fight with the wife. now usually im the dumbf*#k sourcing the conflict, but this time i'm dumb founded.
a while back the wife told me: stop drinkin and bring in some money.
i haven't had a liq of licker in 5+ months. done.
i've been falling hazard trees for good pay.
so's yesterday i line up a job in the valley bringing down a palm tree into a wee back yard. 250 bucks, shouldn't take more than an hour.
the client works with one of my best friends, and has for 10 years, as an
engineer of mechanics.
the hangup is that i have my two daughter with me.
so i talk to the guy on the phone and build trust in him.
i'll be there at 430, sir. you pull on the directional ropes and my daughters will just stay outta the way.
sweet we can buy our food with cash and leave the credit card outta transactions for a week or more...
(at this point i think the wife will be proud)
so i call her at work and divulge my plan.
she freaks that im to leave the kids with a stranger while im up in the tree. i swear and hang up without properly closing the conversation.
she calls my friend to inquire about my client.
at the same time i call my friend to inquire.
my bro tells her and i that he's known the guy for 10 years, the dude has grandkids and has been over many times to my friends house. he comes from Latvia.
He also tells us that he'd leave his kids with this fella worry free.
he then tells me that he told all this to my wife.
so i go do the job.
in the process i learn about palm trees; make a new acquaintance; win word of mouth for my marketing scheme; bring home 250 greens; and get a little work out.
the situation was totally under control as i surveyed it once i reached the jobsite.
my wife is now threating great heaps of worries upon me,
like, "we'll let the judge decide."
im f*#ked and that's that,
but what did i do wrong?
jesus did i just write all that?
kind thanks.
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MH2
climber
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Aug 18, 2011 - 04:50pm PT
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And thank you.
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survival
Big Wall climber
A Token of My Extreme
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Aug 18, 2011 - 04:54pm PT
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The hidden joys of marriage bro.
Hope that it all irons out and doesn't turn all judgeimacated on you.
That's when the sucking truly begins.......
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tolman_paul
Trad climber
Anchorage, AK
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Aug 18, 2011 - 05:05pm PT
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Only thing I can say after 17 years of marriage is, whatever the issue is that she freaks on, likely isn't what she's really upset about.
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
The Illuminati -- S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Division
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Aug 18, 2011 - 05:12pm PT
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im f*#ked and that's that,
but what did i do wrong?
Do you have to ask?
It's right there near the beginning of your post:
i swear and hang up without properly closing the conversation.
I don't care how much green you pull in or how long you lay off from liquor. You can only pull that sh#t so many times before you're locked out emotionally.
Customers and bosses will forgive mistakes, even big mistakes. But you try swearing at them on the phone and then hanging up and they will probably NEVER DO BUSINESS WITH YOU AGAIN.
Your wife expects and deserves to be treated better than you treat your customers and bosses, not worse.
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Gene
climber
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Aug 18, 2011 - 05:12pm PT
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A wife and Mom I’m not, but…
How old are the daughters? Toddlers, elementary school, post graduates? That may have a bearing.
she freaks that im to leave the kids with a stranger while im up in the tree.
You know where said stranger lives, you are at stranger’s house and you are in possession of high powered cutting gear. That makes things safe for your daughters in my book unless they are very young.
i swear and hang up without properly closing the conversation. Not good, Grasshopper. Not good at all.
She probably didn't 'get’ the situation and you got pissed. After you both cool off, talk it through.
Best to you both.
g
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
The Illuminati -- S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Division
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Aug 18, 2011 - 05:17pm PT
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the hangup is that i have my two daughter with me.
so i talk to the guy on the phone and build trust in him.
i'll be there at 430, sir. you pull on the directional ropes and my daughters will just stay outta the way.
Maybe her initial concern was not so much about not trusting the customer with your kids, but about taking them to the site of a dangerous job. You did say you fall hazard trees.
the hangup is that i have my two daughter with me.
so i talk to the guy on the phone and build trust in him.
i'll be there at 430, sir. you pull on the directional ropes and my daughters will just stay outta the way.
So how does this work?
You're chopping away with your chain saw and your customer is pulling on the directional. Now who is watching your daughters and making sure they just stay out of the way?
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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 18, 2011 - 05:32pm PT
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well folks thanks for soaking up my drama,
yea my girls are 7 and 5 and really good girls,
in that they listen well to me and they've seen dad doing tree work for a year now so they understand the gig.
anyway i was about 30 feet up this trunk in full communication with vladamir and my two daughters.
they were sitting in chairs in the shade about 50 feet away, well outta harms way.
i climb the thing.
fire up the saw for 30 seconds, make three cuts, vladamir yanks, and the top is down.
then i come down the trunk and finish it off.
like i said it was totally under control,
as far as the swearing i didn't address the distasteful denomination towards her,
i simply swore in frusteration.
i can roll with all wobbles just fine cause my bearings went out long ago,
and really, anyway my life is screeching to a slow halt discouraged by the internal heat and friction borne of an irate soul.
bring it wife.
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
The Illuminati -- S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Division
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Aug 18, 2011 - 05:48pm PT
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Its not rocket science.
"Kids? Stand here OR YOU COULD DIE." Much like, "Kids? Don't climb over that railing and play in the river above the falls or YOU COULD DIE."
That's not something that I would want to explain to a mom. Also I wouldn't trust a 5-year old to comply with that. I would not leave a 5-year unsupervised at the Vernal Falls overlook either.
TMI for mom to handle.
yup.
as far as the swearing i didn't address the distasteful denomination towards her,
i simply swore in frusteration.
You think she saw it that way? You were frustrated at her.
Next time be polite and do your swearing after you've said "Good-bye, I love you honey!" and hung up.
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
The Illuminati -- S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Division
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Aug 18, 2011 - 05:56pm PT
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Who said anything about unsupervised?
Norwegian was 30 feet up a tree with a chainsaw, and the client was pulling on the directional. So at the moment of the greatest danger (sawing down the tree)the kids were unsupervised.
The kids were 50 feet away. How long does it take an energetic 5 year old to cover 50 feet?
Good luck explaining how safe the plan is to the mom.
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
The Illuminati -- S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Division
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Aug 18, 2011 - 06:05pm PT
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Remember, the wife probably still thinks you're as an alcoholic who isn't providing for the family.
You're proud because you've been on the wagon and doing some work for 5 months, but 5 months isn't that long. It's not long enough for her to revise her opinion. That will probably take at least a year.
Also, if getting $250 is a big deal because it lets you buy food for a week without using credit cards, you're still just scraping by and living hand to mouth.
So you started out with two strikes against you.
Now she's wondering if she can even trust you to take care of the kids. Strike 3.
She questions you on this, and you start cursing and hang up on her. You take them to them to the job site without discussing it further with her. Strike 4.
You could have dug yourself part way out, if after speaking to your friend, you called her back and said, "So you heard what my friend said? You OK with this now? I won't do it unless you're OK with it. Also, I'm so sorry for yelling and hanging up" BEFORE going to the job site.
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redrocker
climber
NV
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Aug 18, 2011 - 06:08pm PT
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a while back the wife told me: stop drinkin and bring in some money.
i haven't had a liq of licker in 5+ months. done.
Did your wife think you had a drinking problem? Did you think you did?
Was your drinking causing serious relationship problems?
It can take much more than 5+ months sober for those affected to overcome the anger and resentment and begin to trust again.
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Gene
climber
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Aug 18, 2011 - 06:09pm PT
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Easy, GC, Easy. 'Nuff said. We get your point.
Rember wife probably still thinks you're as an alcoholic who isn't providing for the family.
Seems to me his wife asked him to stop drinking. Unless I'm missing something, nowhere is it indicated that he's an alcoholic.
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nature
climber
back in Tuscon Aridzona....
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Aug 18, 2011 - 06:10pm PT
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Read the book "Way of the Superior Man".
it'll offer insight.
she was testing you. that'll never stop.
I'm serious.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 18, 2011 - 06:11pm PT
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granite climber this little squabble is a mere glimpse into my vast strike-dom.
i've many, many, many on my name.
like i said i usually wear the crooked tie when it's mine,
but seriously this one blind-sided me as money is extremely tight,
and i fit a 250 dollar pay job into my day-off while running errands with the kids.
my day off? well i just secured an engineering contract that i can meet while working from home for the next 4 months (hence my re-joining of the e-world.) but this gig hasn't paid yet.
it's all mine. the weight of my folly, yes.
i'll don it, maybe proudly, maybe humbly, maybe shamedly.
but i'll shoulder it.
ya'll are the closest thing that i have to a peer group,
besides my kids.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
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Aug 18, 2011 - 06:11pm PT
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First things First - "i didn't address the distasteful denomination towards her"
That is really wonderful writing - love it. Belongs in a book.
About your situation - It might be that the "quit drinking and get a job" has more to do with it than you might expect, even though that was a long time ago. I can't really explain it. The best I can say is that women have a different relationship to time and space than guys. Example - You think this is about what happened during that phone call. And when you talk to your wife about it again, you will think you are conversing in present tense....
But for women(not all, I suppose, but I have been told I am *really not like most women,* and even I do this....) - the upset is a compilation of all that has ever happened up to that moment in time(possibly even behavior out of people besides YOU!), what happened IN that moment of time, and what we can imagine will happen in the future, if left to it's own devices....
That's also why guys get the stinkeye for smiling at pretty waitresses and stire clerks.
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
The Illuminati -- S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Division
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Aug 18, 2011 - 06:15pm PT
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Easy, GC, Easy. 'Nuff said. We get your point.
It's like watching someone walk out in front of a moving train that he can't see and won't acknowledge. You want to do everything you can to help them. Then when the train hits, he doesn't even know what hit him.
Edit:
it's all mine. the weight of my folly, yes.
i'll don it, maybe proudly, maybe humbly, maybe shamedly.
but i'll shoulder it.
Don't play the martyr. Hell, you're up near the top of the climb. You're past the crux and nearing the top out. But you're way above your pro, so you don't want to blow it.
Your girls need you. Your wife needs you, although she may not realize that now.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 18, 2011 - 06:20pm PT
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granite,
im norwegian.
i'm not an alcoholic.
though i understand and appreciate your sentiment.
im in control of my fifty hands.
two of them are physical hands and the wrest swing in the emotional realm.
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
The Illuminati -- S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Division
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Aug 18, 2011 - 06:33pm PT
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i'm not an alcoholic.
No and keep proving that day by day.
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rockermike
Trad climber
Berkeley
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Aug 18, 2011 - 06:46pm PT
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ha; years back I left my 6 year old daughter in the truck while I went out for a short little session windsurfing. Well, I guess a truck isn't a safe place to leave a 6 year old. Or so I was told in no uncertain terms. I got a month of silent treatment for that one. lol
Glad I'm so over that. Life is a lot easier if you aren't attached at the hip to anyone.
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