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Alex Rowland
Sport climber
Athens, GA
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Topic Author's Original Post - May 22, 2011 - 11:05pm PT
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Homo Climbtastic Hosting 3rd Annual World's Largest Queer LGBT Gay Climbing Convention Ever (This time post-rapture!) July 14, 2011
Thanks to the rapture, we no longer have to pretend that we are conforming, law abiding citizens adhering to any common standard of decency--meaning this will not only be the biggest, but also the FUNNEST Homo Climbtastic convention in history! Details of the coming frivolity:
DATE AND LOCATION: As usual, we're at the New River Gorge, in West Virginia, in the middle of July. July 14-18, 2011 to be exact.
STILL COMPLETELY FREE: Well, we're not paying for your campsite fee, but we're not charging you to hang out with us. That's what Rentboy is for.
MORE VAGINAS: Yes, more vaginas! HC is recruiting harder than ever to get more womyn out there making HC herstory. But we can't pretend they're all gonna be lesbians, because at Homo Climbtastic, it rarely takes anything more than a strap-on and two shots of tequila to make anyone feel a little bi-curious. I'm already reading internet articles about tongue movement in order to lose my gold star--and if you don't know what a gold star is, get ready to lose yours too! Forget vagina monologues, get ready for vagina dialogues!
STRAIGHT MEN: They kind of wander in like lost dogs, but just to make sure you know, you're welcome too! And an untapped resource for all you heterotronic crag hag females out there. Sure, we know all it takes for you straight girls to get laid is show up at Miguel's in a sports bra and a star in your eye (I just need a six pack... of PBR... for myself), but at least you'll wake up smelling good and probably without scabies. Probably. We think we picked up some of our guys in Kentucky because they wanted rides to cooler territory and couldn't afford flights to Bishop.
MORE CRAZY COSTUMES: Last year's climb in drag was... last year. This year's costume climbing contest: furry costumes! (While we're on that note, where the F do those people get those things? Do I need to sew this rabbit outfit myself?) And this time, we may even do it on lead. Even though bunny heads are heavy. Expect plenty of super awesome FA's (furry ascents)!
MORE FORGIVING ITINERARIES: In the past, we've never scheduled anything at crags with climbs below 5.10, which made it hard to bring friends who aren't super strong climbers but may be necessary to help pay for gas. With several groups of 20-30, this time we'll have itineraries to please anyone, whether they climb 5.7 or 5.14.
REGISTER NOW: So get on it. Go to www.homoclimbtastic.com and click the big fat link at the top to register. Cause we're rad and we know it. Also, we have a strict no whiner policy, which includes whining about which stereotypes we do or don't fit into, climbing too hard or not hard enough, not putting the convention in your back yard, and not baby sitting your noob friends. We dun do none of that, kids, and we dun tired of answering e-mails about it.
We'll see the rest of you homegirls at the New, baby!
Rowland
P.S. We do, however, encourage whining on the SuperTopo board itself, about anything, including homophobic rants from your resident closet cases, because it bumps our press release to the top and it's hard to compete with all these weird threads about republicans and religion. Kthx!
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Crimpergirl
Sport climber
Boulder, Colorado!
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May 22, 2011 - 11:09pm PT
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Looking forward to the TR! Have a great time and be safe.
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jogill
climber
Colorado
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May 22, 2011 - 11:24pm PT
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This is for real??
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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May 22, 2011 - 11:27pm PT
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I believe so John, you've never heard of this climbing club?
http://homoclimbtastic.com/
Tarbuster should check out their article on shoes...
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jogill
climber
Colorado
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May 22, 2011 - 11:34pm PT
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well . . . . . gosh!
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Daphne
Trad climber
Mill Valley, CA
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May 22, 2011 - 11:37pm PT
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Last years trip report was fabulous. Cant wait for this one.
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Alex Rowland
Sport climber
Athens, GA
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Topic Author's Reply - May 22, 2011 - 11:57pm PT
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I take great pride when people are incredulous of what really amounts to a pretty straightforward description of Homo Climbtastic.
Here's the third part of the trip report from last year's convention: http://homoclimbtastic.com/2010/07/30/supertopo-trip-report-nrg-2010-part-3/
...so you can click around there and get an idea of what it's like.
I'm not sure I'm ever going to stop seeing pictures of me climbing in a dress.
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cleo
Social climber
Berkeley, CA
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May 23, 2011 - 12:04am PT
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Best. PS. Ever.
Hahahahaha! I wish you guys were out west, I'd totally come hang out!
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AlephZer0
climber
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May 23, 2011 - 12:05am PT
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Rad press release, Ra-ra! You crack me up! :-)
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Cloudraker
Big Wall climber
BC
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May 23, 2011 - 12:11am PT
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Nice job on the website and awesome logo!
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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May 23, 2011 - 01:13am PT
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Still trying to figure out why West Virginia. I've never been there, but it doesn't sound like quite the place for such an event. Royal Robbins was born in WV, but that's a rather tenuous link. And it seems unlikely that it's Deliverance-related.
Is there any thought to holding the event in a different location each year?
Bump.
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nutjob
Gym climber
Berkeley, CA
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May 23, 2011 - 01:48am PT
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Bump for love.
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Daphne
Trad climber
Mill Valley, CA
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May 23, 2011 - 01:51am PT
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just wanted all the straights on the taco to know what a gold star is (I am actually straight so I had to look this up):
a gold star lesbian has never slept with a man
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Peter Haan
Trad climber
San Francisco, CA
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May 23, 2011 - 01:53am PT
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Tami, actually John Gill and I are going as an "item"! Can't wait, but Johno is struggling with his usual concern towards what will be appropriate attire. Me, I am still a slob and will hold fast with the Hawaiian mumus.
Tami edit: muumuu
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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May 23, 2011 - 01:55am PT
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this is so gay....
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Leggs
Sport climber
El Presidio, Tucson
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May 23, 2011 - 02:14am PT
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I agree with Cleo ... BEST Post Script. Ever.
Bump Bump.
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slobmonster
Trad climber
OAK (nee NH)
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May 23, 2011 - 02:22am PT
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I have a gold star. True story!
Hope you cats and pussies have fun at The New.
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MisterE
Social climber
Cinderella Story, Outa Nowhere
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May 23, 2011 - 03:42am PT
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You folks know how to cut loose!
LOVED the TR from last year *insert swishy wrist flick*
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rlf
Trad climber
Josh, CA
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May 23, 2011 - 11:33am PT
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Good for you folks. I think this is a great event.
Looking forward to your TR. You should do one of these in Joshua Tree. I would definitely mosey on by, and offer my guide services for free if I have the time.
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couchmaster
climber
pdx
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May 23, 2011 - 11:45am PT
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LOL, funny sh#t Rowland, I'm wiping the coffee I sprayed off my monitor at work.....
Keep up the good work!
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