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RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
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Mimi wrote:
"Aaahh...no.
You ever go to those NASCAR races at Talladega? Isn't it one of the fastest tracks besides Atlanta? "
I try to stay away. I can get drunk, sunburned, sick and in a fight at home for free. However my dobro student does loss adjustment for Nascar and somehow got me behind the wheel to do a 7-lap spin in one of their hotrods which was way-cool. Only had it at about 170 but was plenty fast for me. A bit scary since I just got in and drove without the benefit of the school that was going on plus a guy had been killed doing about the same thing a few weeks earlier when he hit the wall. I would probably do it again even if I had to pay.
Now back to the belay suit...
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Holdplease2
Big Wall climber
Yosemite area
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RRK wrote: I would probably do it again even if I had to pay.
I think the more experiences we have in our lives like this, the better.
Of course, I hear that all the time.
;)
-Kate.
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Gnome- Sorry to say, but we bagged the blimpy blown up suit idea after Zeppo's zippy demise. However, we did decide to "appropriate" RRK's brilliant idea, hoping to make a mint...well, actually to tap into the special energy of farts to good effect.
After much laboratory testing, we decided to simply shove a length of plastic tubing up our test-pilots' #ss. Cousin Harpo, who had volunteered for this test had long ago at family gatherings expressed his interest in alien abduction , so we decided he might be the one most accepting of this particular probe.
To the exterior orifice of this length of tubing, we attached a three-prong adaptor, and attached to each nipple of the adaptor was another length of plastic tubing. To the first tube was appended a small, hand-held jet engine, which could be sparked into service at the flick of a piezo-electric switch. This jet-nozzle was mounted in quick-release fashion to Harpo's climbing harness, ready to be utilized in mid-air and pointed at the ground to ameliorate the usual effects of attempting to fly without a parachute.
The middle tube was attached to a catalytic heater, which was configured as a bat-wing type arrangement suspended by a wire framework from Harpo's shoulders, not unlike the fairy wings worn by little girls.
Another wire framework was rigged off Harpo's neck, somewhat like Dylan's harmonica holder, from which the stove was hung within easy reach of Harpo's thirsty or hungry lips. The third and final conduit was designed to feed gas to the eternal flame of a gas burner, which was intended to keep the hanging pot set always at the ready with a slurry of bean soup, which was the key element of the whole shebang.
As a real test of this landmark invention, we sent Harpo off to do the first winter solo free ascent of the NW Face of Halfdome. I should also mention he was naked, except for the apparatus previously described, in anticipation of additional marketing opportunities should the test prove successful.
Somewhere in the zig-zag cracks, Harpo was laybacking like a maniac in the midst of a blizzard. Although the wall was totally coated in verglass, he was feeling in complete control of the situtation, as the super-efficient heater-wings he was wearing were immediately melting the ice in front of him, leaving the rock dry and comfortable for a nude ascent.
Pausing for flatulence inducing refreshment just before a crux move, Harpo dipped his head down for a sip of legume soup. Finding the pot nearly empty, he attempted to flick the edge of the pot with his pre-hensile tongue, intending to slosh a bit of the tasty slop into his mouth. But he over did it, and flipped the pot right out of it's holder, exposing his hairy chest to the bare flame of the burner. Harpo's upper anterior torso immediately burst into flame.
Letting go of the rock and slapping like a flaming tarzan with both hands at his chest, Harpo started the big ride. Quickly recognizing his mistake, in mid-air Harpo yanked too hard at the jet-nozzle on his harness, cleanly separating it from its' gas supply tube, the end of which continued to emit a constant stream of methane, and which immediately ignited as the tube flipped by the stove burner. Harpo continued his falling arc, slapping and cursing the entire time. I'm sorry to say that dear Harpo now lies extinguished face down in the ditch of Tenaya Canyon.
Not to worry, though, there are plenty of Lowes where Harpo came from.
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G_Gnome
Boulder climber
Sick Midget Land
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 1, 2006 - 11:34pm PT
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Oh hell Mr. Lowe, that one had me just about upside down and hanging from my proverbial bat wings. Too bad I had Mexican for lunch cause it blew me back upright and into a position to post a reply that could never possibly be appropriate to the poor way in which you continue to sacrifice your relatives. Had I any left, I would donate one to the cause. Alas, unwilling to risk the big plunge myself I can only sit here in awe at the continuing committment to the mountaineering spirit that your and your kind present to the outside world. For we are truely outside your kind. I mean, who the f#ck would continue to donate family members to an endeavor that is so obviously flawed from the outset. Let alone subjecting them to a diet of beans.
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RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
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Sad tale - sorry for your loss. Finally - my brilliance is recognized. There appears to be one serious design flaw in the system (besides the Lowe family's penchance for flaming-out). We need some sort of storage for the gas. With the tap attached directly to your a$$, a fall will immediately shut off the gas supply and likely crush the supply tube beyond repair.
Also a vectoring system on the nozzle would be useful to "blow- past" some of those pesky blank spots we often run into while climbing. Would this be considered aid and if so would we need some type "fart-rating" system to indicate the relative thrust required? Better than "French Free" (Bama-free??)Also need to work on a system to prevent the flame from back-feeding into the supply and creating the "halloween-pumpkin" effect. (Armageddon!!) Otherwise let's get an uncharred prototype out there and find some sucker - 'err dirtbag-in-need-of-a-sponsor to pin it on (Unless HiLowe is back from rehab and in need of work) This will be on the cover of Climbing for sure (and some others as well) I'm headed out to get a down payment on my Yacht.
[The Brilliant] RRK
PS. Took a break and had a cup. Inspiration!!! Drill!! Tap the drill to your a$$!! Gas power is so retro. No more hundred-pound batteries. You'll still need a drill - even with the jet prop system - if only to attach you penthouse to the wall for the night. Plus the thing'll smell so bad you can just lay it around anywhere and nobody'll take it. (I'm thinking about applying to BD or Trango for a job in product design.) This is making my head hurt. Wait -- I've got another one. "The pig floats"!! (that's what they say about me at the pool) No more hauling that thing around. Eureka. I think my wife switched coffee on me.
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Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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stich, WTF?
I want to hear more about the lesser known Lowes.
Wasn't there a caver named Trog Lowe?
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curlie
Trad climber
SLO, CA
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You know, for some bizarre reason (stemming from complete ignorance), I had the idea that the accomplished Lowes must be a bunch of stodgy Robbins-esque alpinists. I am so glad that I was so wrong!
Damn, Jello, your stories are killing me! :)
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Not half as much as they're killing us Lowe's, Curlie. I can sense another tragedy on its' way: My half-brother, Trog Lowe-Dyte, is about to be sent on an exciting product testing mission. I'll report the results soon, but first I must switch into stodgy mode and get some work done.
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RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
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Jello wrote:
"My half-brother, Trog Lowe-Dyte"
I thought Trog Lowe-Dyke was a big ugly woman with huge arms. Must not be the same person. Are you related to that oriental guy Wan Hung Lowe? He's got a serious problem too.
RRK
I too have to "get serious" but it been a good morning.
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marty(r)
climber
beneath the valley of ultravegans
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"Also a vectoring system on the nozzle would be useful to 'blow- past' some of those pesky blank spots we often run into while climbing."
So would that be the Lowe-Blow, trademark pending? Or is that something else entirely?
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wbw
climber
'cross the great divide
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Not to hijack this thread . . . . but,
twenty years ago our mantra in the Tetons was, "Those Lowes! They must be stopped!"
Does anyone think they will be?
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BrentA
Gym climber
Las Vizzle, on the rizzle
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That survival ball thing is such a sad commentary (sp). They probably have a 300 million dollar contract for the proto too. This country has gone to shiite quick...
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Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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wbw,
two words; dangerous prototypes
(Its part of the natural system of checks and balances.)
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wbw
climber
'cross the great divide
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Piton Ron,
If I understand your two words, "dangerous prototypes", I would have thought that Tricams would have done the trick. But the darn things actually work, (assuming one is strong enough to hang on and place them.)
whowouldathought???
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Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Actually Bob Dodds and I were among the test pilots for prototype tricams in 9/75.
No, I was thinking more along the lines of the combination portaledge/hanglider that Orville Lowe was last seen attempting to master.
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Oh man, I semi-apologise for ever sending the infamous RRK to this site, but you do have to admit he is extremely funny, and it seems he has found his long lost half-brother in comedy, jello.
I shudder to think what might happen if these two get together in person.
I can attest to being laughed off certain climbs by RRK.
A few examples of his work:
Once in an attempt to reach up to a placement right off the ground on some tedious move, RRK was giving me a boost.
I said, "watch your hand on my A$$."
Without missing a beat he replies, "That's not my hand"
Another famous RRK line, but first the set up:
RRK is the world's lousiest cam placer. He does not understand the idea of the cam, preferring instead to use such devices as the Forrest Titon (which I have been meaning to leave behind on some evil multi-pitch climb and only tell him well after the fact, in the interest of preserving his life and my sanity).
So anyway, RRK leads this stupid climb, thankfully well within his limit, because his cams are rattling around in the back of the crack, and in a fall would have served no purpose other than to make a little noise as they hit RRK in the head after he was lying on the ground.
I firmly apprised him of his sh!tty cam skills, to which he immediately replied, " You just don't understand rattly gear."
The belay suit is just one of his many incredible climbing devices.
IF you meet RRK, ask him about the Smiley Cam.
Ask him about falling at Little River Canyon and breaking (in his own words) "Everything that flaps on the way down."
Warning: If you are allergic to laughter, an RRK encounter could be fatal.
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healyje
Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
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I seem to recall meeting one Lowe or another (or was it a couple of them) along with a Phil and a very cute Deb at the base of the Bastille back in '75 or so and I don't recall him / them being Robbinesque at all, just quite pleasant and relatively normal folk...
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Healjye- I resemble that comment...
The Trog report, soon...
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RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
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Jello wrote:
"The Trog report, soon..."
Hey man - don't send him to the boonies till I get you a couple of these Stealth-rubber condoms to test. If you like them I'll license them to you. I thought Wan Hung Lowe would be the better guy to test these (did he invent the Lowe Ball or was he just born with it?) but if Trog's going out then that's cool too. Be sure to tell him not to use them for sex unless he likes black smoke, high-pitched screams and the smell of burning rubber. Also don't set the placements with a hammer (a 'la bashies, copperheads, etc) and don't bounce-test. If either of these events occur you will need someone close by with a Rescue Rifle. Otherwise they're the coolest thing since RPs. What size should I send?
have a good weekend
RRK
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