Discussion Topic |
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| Messages 1 - 59 of total 59 in this topic |
Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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Topic Author's Original Post - Mar 2, 2009 - 05:08pm PT
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You guys were onto some good ones in the Kingsbury thread.
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dmalloy
Trad climber
eastside
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#1 reason for bailing - if I don't bail, the boat will fill up with water and will sink.
you said humor, right?
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divad
Trad climber
wmass
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I gotta take a crap.
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pip the dog
Mountain climber
planet dogboy
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"i, of course, have this gig totally under control. my partner, however, is a obviously a moron..."
rap slings...
^,,^
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divad
Trad climber
wmass
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" div.... don't you mean.... "leave" one?"
Well, then I wouldn't be bailing, would I?
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seamus mcshane
climber
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10 reasons are better.
#1 We've got too much f*#kin' sh#t.
#2 It's too f*#kin' hot.
#3 It's too f*#kin' cold.
#4 It's too f*#kin' humid.
#5 We don't have enough f*#kin' water.
#6 I have a f*#kin' tapeworm.
#7 I just f*#kin' shat myself.
#8 It's my f*#kin' time of the month (but only if you're a dude).
#9 My f*#kin' pussy hurts.
#10 "It's too windy, it's too cold.
I'm too fat, I'm too old..."
Common failure mantra.
"All the fear is on the ground.", Randy Leavitt reflecting on hard walls.
Bailing off a bridge.
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Moof
Big Wall climber
A cube at my soul sucking job in Oregon
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1. Puking sick with the flu.
2. My partner is "just not feeling it". Again.
3. Missing fingernail after the whipper, can't work the cams with the right hand anymore now...
All I got.
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nature
climber
Tucson, AZ
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my blowup doll sprung a leak.
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Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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See The Art Of Climbing Down Gracefully by Tom Patey.
But he missed plenty;
mouse turds in the gorp
allergic to choss
cactus spine in a shoe
cactus spine in a finger
cactus spine in a butt
human turds in the gorp
human turds on the rope
family obligations
ambitions to have a family
serious examination of motives
serious examination of genitals
fashion faux pas
only 3 of the 7 voices in your head say continue
out of ammo
and the old standby; "I thought YOU were going to lead that."
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Fletcher
Trad climber
here to eternity
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The govermint is giving me $40 billion to help my bail....
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Place or Another
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That hay won't stay together by itself!
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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The live sheep in the ag-bag isn't backing off the portaledge anymore and seems to enjoy it now.
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Mr Knucklehead
Mountain climber
a place where you can still get a cheap haircut
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"I need to give my grandpa a bath"
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Redwreck
Social climber
Los Angeles, CA
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iPhone battery is dead and I need to update my Facebook status.
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Because the plane was going to crash.
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the Fet
Knackered climber
A bivy sack in the secret campground
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Sand in his vagina.
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Anastasia
climber
Not here
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Bailed because a french guy was free climbing next to me in a speedo.
AF
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 2, 2009 - 07:34pm PT
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This may be shocking to some of you guys, but vaginas are sort of a non-factor on climbs. Like your belly button. You probably don't think about your belly button at all for the entire week or whatever that you're climbing. Same with vaginas. They don't hurt. They are unlikely to come in contact with much sand. Occasionally they bleed, but we learned how to handle that in the 7th grade.
Really, testicles seem way more likely to get worried or wounded in the course of normal events on a big climb.
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Prod
Trad climber
A place w/o Avitars apparently
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Sand on my testicles.
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the Fet
Knackered climber
A bivy sack in the secret campground
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Sand in his vagina. Sand in her vagina isn't funny, and is almost offensive.
Yes balls and legloops are a risky combination. But peeing is much more convenient for a guy, so it's kind of a draw.
One time I was on a scary lead up on a wall and my penis is like, "Look out! Rock!" I'm like, whew... thanks penis! I'm glad I had you out. ~paraphrased from Mitch Fatel
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nutjob
Stoked OW climber
San Jose, CA
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The Yosemite grocery store is closing soon.
If we head back now, we might get something besides Denny's for dinner/breakfast.
I've got an important meeting for work tomorrow.
I left the kids/dog/grandma/etc. in the car without water and it's been pretty hot today
I forgot my insulin/inhaler/nebulizer/contacts/etc.
I forgot my vaseline for an "unplanned bivy"
Partner substituted Vicks Vapo-Rub instead of Vaseline, in hopes of an "unplanned bivy"
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maculated
Trad climber
San Luis Obispo, CA
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Because I want ice cream.
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rmuir
Social climber
the Time Before the Rocks Cooled.
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Because all we have in the haul-bag for food for the next three days are "two raw spuds." (Amazing but true.)
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nutjob
Stoked OW climber
San Jose, CA
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Can't figure out where the last pitch goes, and after tension-traversing way off a #5 camelot in gritty balls granite, just can't think clearly or muster up the energy for bodily control since we ran out of food yesterday morning and ran out of water yesterday afternoon and this mofo day is turning out to be HOT, and maybe YOSAR wouldn't find us on this gawd-forsaken chunk of rock where nobody in their right mind goes?
And I dropped my camera, the cough drop is sticking to the roof of my mouth because I can't make any spit, and the Merced sure looks inviting down there...
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mission
Social climber
boulder,co
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Lean mean Jim Donini and I almost bailed on our new route attempt on Fitzroy because he butterfingered the camera and dropped it about 800 feet. Have you ever seen a grown man cry? Why climb anything if you can't tell people about it? But that's another idea for a thread...has anyone soloed the Astroman, for instance, and not told anyone?
We continued in our quest because I still had my trusty Contax TVSII, although the film had to be rationed in case the good weather continued.
Lesson learned: keep your camera clipped in when you are using it. You never know when you might have to drop the camera and get your brake hand back on the rope!
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WandaFuca
Gym climber
San Fernando Lamas
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"Man, I'm having a major herpes outbreak . . . my blebs won't last too long, but dude, the wall will always be here."
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Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Sorry mission, even before photoshop, bragging rights were established by the climb not the photos.
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hhhhhhhhh
climber
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Reasons.... I don't need no f**king reasons.
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Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Wouldn't that be, "steenkin reasons"?
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mission
Social climber
boulder,co
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This has gotten way too serious.
Top five reasons for bailing:
Beer, wine, ice cream, coffee, and cigarettes.
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dee ee
Mountain climber
citizen of planet Earth
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"I don't feel good."
"I'm scared."
"Ran out of weed."
"It's too windy, cold, hot, still."
"Not enough water."
Not sure if these are funny but then the truth can't always be funny.
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pip the dog
Mountain climber
planet dogboy
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nature,
> my blowup doll sprung a leak.
dammit, that line made me laugh so hard i coughed up my deep fried chicken breast fresh from the local supermarket. damn you! (i'm a dog, not a cat, so it's not like i'm going to actually try to re-swallow what's now on the floor).
Hankster,
> Actually, I was about to start up the Naked Edge and my
> partner busted out the "hippy lettuce" pipe. I didn't want
> to seem like a dork so I imbibed. Well ,you know what kind
> of voodoo is available in Boulder, and before I knew it,
> WHAM! MASSIVE PANIC ATTACK!!!!!!
duuuuude... been there (well, at the bottom of a route not nearly so hard as the ‘Edge), and done that.
as you have likely guessed, i was born with more than enough weird chemistry -- and adding to it is surely ‘counter-indicated’. but as like a bunch of my boulder buddies and betties were all over me that i should try ‘this stuff’, i did. error...
they called this current local mutation ‘The Sick’ –- that alone should have been warning enough...
but, no, i am a moron. and in those daze still young enough to actually care what my neighbors thought about anything. so just to demonstrate that i was almost as ‘kewl’ as the lot of them, i sucked just enough out of the bong (filled with snow – it was like march) and carefully held it in my cheeks. like bill clinton, i was adamant that i would not inhale, as i knew what that stuff did to me.
(only in boulder do (some) people carry that other kind of bong in their 'rack'. sheesh.)
so i soon blow out at least 90% of what's in my now ground squirrel cheeks out in a mighty cloud. it was only then i finally inhaled (i needed oxygen at this point). er, oopsy, i forgot about that 10% of that one hit of 'The Sick' that was still close at hand...
HUGE mistake. and of course i suddenly went all “homo psycho disco” (a Charlie Fowler line, bless his funny soul) as my pulse went through the ceiling and the veins in my temples suddenly all popped out. then (as i was already racked and tied into the sharp end) i headed up whatever tidily route we were doing on that suddenly sunny day in late winter Eldo.
and i fookin’ freaked. i flailed and barely survived the pitch -- then quick rapped and bailed and ran away. soon after i moved to montana. for at that moment i realized (yet again, and this time forever) that i’m just not a Boulder kind of guy.
Sheesh... ‘The Sick’ -- i am _such_ a moron.
^,,^
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drljefe
climber
Old Pueblo, AZ
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I wanna go bouldering.
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nature
climber
Tucson, AZ
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keep that attitude up, jefe, and my blow up doll will be belaying you!
pip - glad I could make you re-enjoy your food!
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BooYah
Social climber
Ruby Range
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Pip, we call that phenomenon "getting Chimpy" for your lead.
It's quite humourous. Enjoy.
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Ihateplastic
Trad climber
Lake Oswego, Oregon
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My wife is studying finance and I am balling like a little 7th grade girl reading these. And it isn't even my time o' the month! I am actually laughing out loud and Elena, my far better half, is yelling at me that I am disturbing her by talking to my "dorky friends." I'll wait until she is at school to finish them. ...Sand on my balls... Brilliant!
Best effin thread this year (well, other than the YCA/Hollow Flake T-shirt thread...)
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pip the dog
Mountain climber
planet dogboy
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BooYah,
> we call that phenomenon "getting Chimpy"
dammit BooYah, i just now read that and blew half my little bottle of V8 all over my fookin' laptop.
'fook! that's it. i'm not gonna read any more of this shite until i actually get some actual cal's deep into my gullet. if i keep reading this insanity while trying to eat i'm gonna starve to death.
sheesh. you aszholes (though wickedly funny aszholes)
"getting Chimpy"... i'm dying here. can't... breath... aaarhhhh....
^,,^
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nature
climber
Tucson, AZ
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did I mention my blow up doll is a female chimp?
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Inner City
Trad climber
East Bay
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funny topic, aren't "it's getting late.." or, "we're past the crux" okay?
I once did 'my ankle is hurting..."
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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[After coming down from El Cap:] "I was getting out of shape up here...."
(I heard this in a story once).
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corniss chopper
Mountain climber
san jose, ca
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Because the 1st rock missed and exploded next to our shoes on the ground drawing our attention. The 2nd ricocheted off the slab above, peppering our backs with gravel.
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WandaFuca
Gym climber
San Fernando Lamas
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"I knew we shouldn't have put Dale Bard in charge of the food."
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
Sprocketville
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1) I've had an erection for more than four hours
2) I want some more Jesus Juice
3) I locked my sack in this biner
4) Dude, I'm so stoned I forgot my shoes
5) I just dropped a nut
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corniss chopper
Mountain climber
san jose, ca
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Got to bail because 30sec is way to long for a relight
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Deemed Useless
Social climber
Ca.
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Becuase you're eight pitches or so up on one climb or an other and your partner decides on the spot. That climbing is dumb!
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Reilly
Mountain climber
Monrovia, CA
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The Gud Boot
I went in to solo the NE Buttress of Mt Goode in the N. Cascades a hundred years ago. When I got to the aptly named Grizzly Creek after 9 miles it was a good 75' wide and raging. I de-booted, tied my boots together, and slung them around my neck. Since it looked like it could be waist deep I also un-buckled my waist belt in case I went down. Halfway across my feet were numb (my brain was before I started) and I was very annoyed at the boots hanging around my neck and banging my chest. I found a flat rock mid-stream to put my pack on and get up on to warm my feet. The far bank was now only about 35' away. I untied my boots to throw them across; how hard could it be? I took the first one and firmly grasped the laces and started twirling it like David lining up Goliath. When I figured I had developed the requisite angular velocity I initiated the launch sequence. What I hadn't anticipated was that there was a hidden murphyism (I am part Irish after all) in the release sequence that entailed, so to speak, the laces wrapping themselves around one of my fingers. In my defense let it be said that I had correctly estimated the requisite angular velocity as the boot came within about 8', if the burning memory serves, of a dry landing. In the defense of the good cobblers at Galibier let it be said that they craft a very seaworthy boot. Not only is the Galibier Peuterey self-righting it also has excellent longitudinal stability. The last I saw it was on an even keel with bow downstream making excellent headway. A frantic chase, barefoot and nigh unto naked, through the bushes only confirmed the excellent stability and hull speed of the Peuterey.
To add insult to injury I had to re-cross the 'creek' to contemplate the 9 mile return hike. I was glad I had taken a good supply of athletic tape as it does make a passable if absurd-looking moccasin. You can well imagine the looks I got upon my arrival in Stehekin.
The next summer Bob Crawford and a friend went in to do the NE Buttress. A good mile or more before the Grizzly Creek crossing he walked down to N Bridge Creek to get a drink. Yes, at this point at least 1.5 miles below the scene of the crime, he found my beached boot! He knew it was mine yet he left it! I suppose a winter-long bivy had done it no good.
Wait a minute, I didn't see that this was supposed to be funny!
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Eric Beck
Sport climber
Bishop, California
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From one who will remain nameless:
"The jams are good.
The protection is good.
I feel strong.
I'm coming down".
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luggi
Trad climber
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Jail is not where I wish to spend the weekend meeting "new friends"
The act of getting Bail is Bailing...no...
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pip the dog
Mountain climber
planet dogboy
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Reilly,
loved your "The Gud Boot" post. Exquisite.
though i still won't admit to doing essentially the same...
(yet i might 'guess' that sportiva spantiks are not nearly so seaworthy)
^,,^
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Wade Icey
Trad climber
www.alohashirtrescue.com
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Mar 21, 2009 - 01:04pm PT
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because aid climbing f*#ks up my free climbing Head.
(or vice versa)
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Fletcher
Trad climber
here to eternity
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Mar 21, 2009 - 01:10pm PT
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That boot story is great, Reilly... it's more than great, it's GUD!
Eric
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Fletcher
Trad climber
here to eternity
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Mar 21, 2009 - 01:17pm PT
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"Lois just posted to my thread... I gotta go reply!"
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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Mar 21, 2009 - 01:45pm PT
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It happened on Half Dome to a friend of mine. Sh^t upon from great heights.
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DrDeeg
Mountain climber
Mammoth Lakes, CA
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In the summers of '66/'67, Chuck Pratt kept a notebook of excuses for failing on climbs. Notables I recall were "an overdose of Vitamin E" and "a vague but debilitating illness that is probably psychosomatic but real nevertheless."
Gerughty & I went one day to do North Buttress of Middle. We hiked to the base of the climb to discover that Gerughty had forgotten his swami belt, so we bailed. Back in Camp 4 we duly reported to Pratt, as that summer's protocol required.
He quizzed us, "When was the swami belt invented?" I guessed maybe '60 or '61. Pratt thought Roper had started using one in '57, "But," he went on, a bit disgusted, "the point is that people climbed in Yosemite for a hundred years by just tying into the end of the rope."
If Pratt's Notebook could be found, it should be in the Museum.
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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best one I heard in a long time, last summer:
"I don't want to make a decision that a 22-year old would make"
and we didn't!
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Tea
Trad climber
Behind the Zion Curtain
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May 14, 2010 - 04:44pm PT
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"But I sent anyway, triple bypass, weed induced panic attack be damned....."
Classic.
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rgold
Trad climber
Poughkeepsie, NY
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May 14, 2010 - 08:58pm PT
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So one fine winter day, I head off to solo Easy Overhang in the Gunks. Even covered with snow, its about as easy as a near-vertical climb can be. Standing on a snow bank, I grab a sizable if snowy hand-hold, step out left on a smear, and bring my right foot up to a...zzzzzip! My left foot, wet with snow, blows off the smear, pivoting me to the side. My right foot, barely off the ground, reconnects with the snow bank but immediately skids out from under me, and my hand pops off the snow-covered hold. Just like that, I'm lying in the snow bank, staring up at the snow-covered ledges---the as yet untrodden snow-covered ledges---of Easy O.
And just like that, I realize that the day is meant for hiking. Emptying the snow from my pant legs, I head off on the trail.
[Excuse for bailing: falling on a free solo attempt the instant all four limbs are off the ground.]
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