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James
Social climber
My Subconcious
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Topic Author's Original Post - Apr 11, 2006 - 01:36pm PT
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His sequin jumpsuit reflected the flickering casino lights. The ice skates cut smooth lines in the ice, sounding like helicopter blades, as he delivered me my dinner of crackers.
It was two weeks before I realized the ice skater wasn’t real. I gradually woke.
The days passed slowly as I festered. I should be happy to be alive. The doctors told me I was a “miracle.” They had welded my body into a jigsaw puzzle of titanium rods. My mother was convinced that angels had caught me, but that it was the devil who had pushed me off.
Joshua Tree had maintained its normal winter weather, windy, cold, and miserable. Saturday, December 18th was an unusually good day. The sun shone warmly as the wind blew across the desert.
I ran up the formations around the campground, warming up for a redpoint attempt on a finger crack later that day. I was enjoying the uncertainty of onsight soloing, stepping into an insecure world where one’s emotional control outweighs the physical. I moved fluidly and felt solid as my momentum built.
The North Overhang slices across the top of Intersection Rock disappearing into the skyline as it skirts beneath a bulge below the summit. Memories of John Yablonski's naked ropeless ascent reaffirmed my belief that it was mere scrambling.
The beginning of the route went smoothly. A short hand crack led to a ledge where the route went out left to a roof. I moved out cautiously, feeling the jams. I sunk my hand in the crack around the corner of the roof and pulled over. I felt secure knowing I had sent the crux of the route. A hundred feet of space swam below me as I moved slowly up to the summit. I moved my feet underneath my body, a slight miscalculation. I started to barn door. My balance was suddenly gone.
I didn’t want to scream. I had too much pride. Death was imminent though and there would never be a more appropriate time. All I wanted was to survive. Seventy feet of air rushed by. A second later I hit a ledge. I was ecstatic and felt invincible. I started to sit up and promptly rolled off the ledge striking the ground thirty feet below.
At that moment all I wanted was to climb. I stumbled to my feet trying to walk it off. A seizure bolted through me and I started convulsing. My body crumpled into the ground. I tried to focus. I had onsight free soloed harder routes; I’d be fine. The crater I had made began to pool with blood. I heard the faint thud of a helicopter’s blades as I blacked out.
It was 381 days, seven surgeries, and eleven weeks in the hospital before I was able to climb the North Overhang again. My friend guided me up the route as flashes of my recovery came into my head. There was nothing inspirational about learning how to walk again. I relived the pain of the ordeal as I struggled past my previous high point.
I expected to find a panacea on the summit but the answer to my medical bills, the limp, and the haunting dreams have eluded me. The scars across my elbow, ankle, back, and skull draw permanent questions. Perhaps, if I keep ascending they will fade.
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scuffy b
climber
S Cruz
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Apr 11, 2006 - 01:48pm PT
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Thanks, James.
From the selfish perspective of the reader:
I've been waiting 381 days for the privelege of reading that.
It was worth the wait and then some.
You've been down a hard, hard road, and I hope my remark isn't
seen as trivializing your plight. Your toughness in recovery
has been most impressive. I'm so glad you can climb again.
By the way, your letter about T. Caldwell just cracked me up.
Good job
Cheers
Best Wishes
steve m
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Apr 11, 2006 - 01:49pm PT
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Thank you James. I remember reading about your accident a while after it happened; your fall was at about the same time that I was on Adromena Strain, having my last climb on my first trip to Joshua Tree. We probably left the park just before emergency crew was coming in to help you.
Good luck in going forward, and thanks for being hoenst with the stuff you've gone through.
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malabarista
Trad climber
San Francisco, Ca
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Apr 11, 2006 - 02:02pm PT
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Riveting.
peace,
Michael
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mark miller
Social climber
Reno
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Apr 11, 2006 - 02:29pm PT
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Congats on everything James, but I'm curious you don't mention how hitting the ground felt. I've fallen free soloing back in the early 80's, ( 40 to 60'; Bandaged and stitched up head to toe at the ER) but the realization of how hard the ground feels going through your whole body is something I will never forget. Harder than you can imagine without experiencing it. I've fallen 25 to 30 feet in construction and have been able to sacrifice ankles and wrists to reduced the impact but a long fall such as yours has no comparison. Hitting the ground hard sucks and that feeling is like the sound of metal crushing when your in a bad car crash, some things fade away but those linger in the memory. Sorry you had to go through the adventure and damn glad your still with us.
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
one pass away from the big ditch
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Apr 11, 2006 - 02:49pm PT
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dang Mark, that sounds like about it right there.
I've landed on my ass HARD from high problems and the THUD that completely tells your body to "sit the f*#k back down" is serious and visceral. Imagining a longer fall gives me the willies.
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guyman
Trad climber
Moorpark, CA.
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Apr 11, 2006 - 02:58pm PT
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I am happy to read about your ordeal and the recovery. An OBIT would have sucked.
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maculated
Trad climber
San Luis Obispo, CA
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Apr 11, 2006 - 03:14pm PT
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You give up on the Alpinist? That ending is GREAT!!!!! Nice job.
Townsend also says, "Hi," and "How do you know that guy?"
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Jaybro
Social climber
The West
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Apr 11, 2006 - 03:27pm PT
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Amazing, James. Have you ever compared notes with Rick Donnelly?
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Apr 11, 2006 - 03:49pm PT
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Thanks James
Seems to me you've already hit a new high point. You don't have the same fitness that you had before but you really seem to have changed for the better as a person. I'm glad you're here. Don't look back (although I think it's awesome that you went and returned to the North Overhang)
Just be who you want to be from scratch
Peace
karl
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JuanDeFuca
Big Wall climber
Stoney Point
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Apr 11, 2006 - 04:17pm PT
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Way to go James. I would have probably given up myself.
You are true inspiration to us all.
Juanito
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pud
climber
Sportbikeville
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Apr 11, 2006 - 04:34pm PT
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i think you are an inspiration James.
you are much stronger than most.
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looking sketchy there...
Social climber
Latitute 33
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Apr 11, 2006 - 04:55pm PT
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Great essay James. Very well done (the writing, the recovery and recent ascent of North Overhang).
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G_Gnome
Social climber
Tendonitis City
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Apr 11, 2006 - 05:12pm PT
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Whether you know it or not you are an inspiration to all of us. It takes real sack to get back on the horse after falling that far. Keep at it!
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maculated
Trad climber
San Luis Obispo, CA
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Apr 11, 2006 - 05:37pm PT
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James has some good stuff out there in addition to this one . . . give him a few years and there will be a Lucas Appreciation Thread.
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Chiloe
Trad climber
Lee, NH
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Apr 11, 2006 - 05:41pm PT
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Wow. Beautifully written, as the experience was not. Thanks for setting that down.
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Tan Slacks
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Apr 11, 2006 - 07:26pm PT
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Very nicely told James and congrats on getting back on the same horse again. I will never forget looking down at you as we lifted off from the parking lot at intersection. My partner was not a climber and as we worked on your injuries I was explaining what a miracle it was that this was not a body recovery. To be honest, in the 10 years I have been flying into JT for a living I have never seen a soloist fall and live through the transport. I can't wait to tell Jill and the pilot that you are climbing again.
I think your mother was right. (Our mothers are always right)
I'm sorry I missed your visit and to see you climb again.
Awesome.
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'Pass the Pitons' Pete
Big Wall climber
like Oakville, Ontario, Canada, eh?
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Apr 11, 2006 - 08:00pm PT
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Damn, you are one lucky-assed bastard! Congratulations on still being alive.
I get about wanting to climb after you fell. When I busted my leg pretty badly on The Ranch almost two years ago now, I thought it was just a "sprain", and hoped I'd be able to "walk it out" and carry on. Oh well.
Two years later, my ankle is pretty stiff still, though it doesn't hurt at all. I just went for a 35 min. run, no problem, and did two 24+ hour trips in Roppel Cave last week. So I'm lucky, but nowhere near as lucky as you.
What were the sum of your injuries, and how are you doing now? Do you feel you're getting stronger slowly still? My recovery seems to have plateaud. My ankle's not perfect, but it's good enough for me.
Hopefully the young whippersnappers - and a few old farts - will think twice about free soloing hard stuff!
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Richard
Trad climber
Bend, OR.
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Apr 11, 2006 - 08:04pm PT
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Talk about getting back on the horse and riding...........
Nicely done James, nicely done!!!
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WBraun
climber
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Apr 11, 2006 - 08:06pm PT
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Yes James it was a life changing experience for you.
You've changed to a more humble mature person. I'm thankful you survived both.
Best wishes on a nice future.
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pc
climber
Eastside
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Apr 11, 2006 - 08:14pm PT
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Haunting. Thanks.
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Matt
Trad climber
places you shouldn't talk about in polite company
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Apr 11, 2006 - 09:10pm PT
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thanks james
and congratulations too- good job getting back on the horse that threw you!
who'd ever have thought you fell off that rig after being securely in the crack on the top, wow, that's hard luck.
on a somber note, a very good friend of mine recently died right out of the blue, for no good reason, and having never intended to risk her life one bit, and yet for some unknown reason, your life continues after that huge ground-fall.
did she have any business dying?
do you have any business living?
those questions don't really seem to matter at all. your life continues, so the real question becomes, what are you going to make of it? sounds like you are off to a good start. be sure you make the most of it (and that goes for all of us).
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westhegimp
Social climber
granada hills
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Apr 11, 2006 - 09:31pm PT
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James,
You are a "BAD ASS MOTHER F***ER"
Wes
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Gabe
climber
San Clemente, CA
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Apr 11, 2006 - 10:17pm PT
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Way to place it on the table James. Makes my palm sweat reading it. I hope I get my chance to pay ya back and hump a load for YOU to the base!
Nice on sending North Overhang. Gabe
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Zander
Trad climber
Berkeley
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Apr 12, 2006 - 12:52am PT
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Thanks James,
Zander
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Apr 13, 2006 - 04:36am PT
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Nice story!
I felt my spine compress once as I hit the gound with my ass. from about 20-25 feet. Landed in the ONLY dirt pile, surrounded by rocks. Felt pretty lucky that day.
Hey you are not the guy who was riding around hidden valley last year on a bicycle looking for someone to take care of a friend's hurt knee, are you?
He was free soloing a lot. Seemed like a nice kid.
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coldclimb
climber
Wasilla, Alaska
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Apr 13, 2006 - 01:36pm PT
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Hats off, James. Welcome back!
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the Fet
Trad climber
Loomis, CA
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Apr 13, 2006 - 01:41pm PT
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Awesome.
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jsavage
climber
Bishop, CA
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Apr 13, 2006 - 05:48pm PT
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Wow.
Thanks for sharing James.
Props on your ascent.
Jim
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James
climber
A tent in the redwoods
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 18, 2006 - 02:39pm PT
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Two years can be a long time. The pop and shuffle of a walker is a tedious metronome. Luckily, the echoes of that piece of sh#t are distant and I'm able to climb again.
I've been trying to reflect on how I'm different but can't come up with anything tangible. Every day I get worked. This week it's dynoing in Hueco instead of physical therapy. Next week it'll be Joshua Tree or Vegas. It's good to climb.
The scars have faded a little but they're still there. I'm pysched that they don't leave.
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Lambone
Ice climber
Ashland, Or
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Dec 18, 2006 - 02:59pm PT
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way to go James. I hope you feel like your old self again.
someone was looking out for you that day.
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Ksolem
Trad climber
LA, Ca
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Dec 18, 2006 - 03:31pm PT
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James,
I remember when you fell, and was amazed then by your survival. I hope our paths cross one day, I would like to shake your hand.
Cheers,
Kris
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G_Gnome
Boulder climber
Sick Midget Land
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Dec 18, 2006 - 04:31pm PT
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Judging by your posting on this site alone I would say a lot has changed James. You used to seem like just another pompous, jacked up climber, relatively new on the scene but making headway on the ratings and very concerned with your ability to do so. Now you seem like a nice guy. Growing up is harder for some of us than for others. Sorry you took the hard way. Congratulations on making it!
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
St. Louis
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Dec 18, 2006 - 04:54pm PT
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I'm still psyched for you James. Can't wait to cross paths with you either...
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eeyonkee
Trad climber
Golden, CO
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Dec 18, 2006 - 05:11pm PT
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Daammnn!! I fell 22 feet, landed on my feet and still broke my back. Can't imagine a 70 footer!!!
Glad you're still around and climbing.
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Jaybro
Social climber
The West
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Dec 18, 2006 - 05:25pm PT
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Maybe the mother desert is ultimaltely more forgiving than the Merced, Eyonk? Both you guys are out and about, and not squandering your time, near as I can tell.
I took a 25' (feet first) grounder onto a granite slab, got a hairline pelvic fracture, was able to walk out, and was ready to rumble again (sorta) after two weeks of ibuprofen.
None of it makes any sense, but I do feel a nagging responsibility to do something worthwile (among other things) with this borrowed time.
It does, in any case, make the remaining life more examined.
And that IS cool!
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eeyonkee
Trad climber
Golden, CO
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Dec 18, 2006 - 05:39pm PT
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Jaybro, I'm thinking that James must be a bit younger and less brittle. Those ground falls DO tend to put the whole free-solo thing into perspective.
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Dec 18, 2006 - 08:06pm PT
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James
One way to get a feel for how you changes is to look up your old posts before the accident and compare them with your writing and contributions now.
Might be worth the time
Peace
Karl
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healyje
Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
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Dec 18, 2006 - 08:34pm PT
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Amazing to read and see the picture of you back on it James - bravo!
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Rocky5000
Trad climber
Falls CHurch, VA
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Dec 19, 2006 - 12:52am PT
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Three times in my early climbing career I came to that sickening point of imminent failure and death while soloing; each time I held it together by an eyelash. Two of those would have been very nasty, and the other one instantly fatal. I was very lucky then: instead of getting a Superman complex (usually fatal in the end) I actually had it sink into my pea-brain that I didn't need to do that. Now I solo responsibly... yeah. That's right. Uh huh. At least I still have never broken a bone. If that makes me a wanker, so be it!
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James
climber
A tent in the redwoods
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 19, 2007 - 01:56am PT
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Dogs age at seven times the rate of you and me. By the time thirty-six months pass a good quarter of their life, maybe more, has flown by. Three year's a lot of time to move, to grow up, and get out of the dog house, at least for a dog.
Over a thousand days ago, a thousand ninety five to be exact, I fell climbing in Joshua Tree. Hurt pretty bad at the time. Hurt pretty bad for awhile after too. Felt like damn near forever recovering and getting my life back.
I'm in Vegas now climbing for a couple weeks between semesters at UCSC. The sandstone's pretty good, although fragile. The rock's young and breaks a lot. That's how some things are. It's part of the process, trying to climb hard on sandstone before I move back to Yosemite granite, and the rock I love and learned to climb on. The large features, the endless blank canvsas of rock, granite's beautiful stuff and much older; It doesn't have the ephemeral life of a dog. Neither weather, nor time, nor hardship have eroded it. For something hard as granite, three years is a blink.
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Jaybro
Social climber
The West
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Dec 19, 2007 - 02:48am PT
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In thirteen minutes it will be 1096 days. Wild at heart.
very, very good on ya, James!
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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Dec 19, 2007 - 04:44am PT
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> The scars have faded a little but they're still there. I'm pysched that they don't leave.
I'm with you on that. I had a bad ground fall 30 years ago. I still have my scars to remind me about how I got a reality check that day, along with a second chance to experience life. I think of myself as a somewhat different person since that day, and I still think about my "past life" around this time of year. Healing is a slow exercise in patience, but it's also a chance to stop and consider options, instead of running with the crowd.
Here's to surviving and learning from life's setbacks....
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rick d
Social climber
tucson, az
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Dec 19, 2007 - 09:35am PT
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7773 days ago I hit the deck from 80' at Pinnacle Peak (scottsdale).
ouch!
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Jaybro
Social climber
The West
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Dec 19, 2007 - 10:15am PT
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21 years,
Time flys,
faster than a falling climber.
But didn't you get to be on TV?
(like that helped)
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Dick_Lugar
Trad climber
Indiana
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Dec 19, 2007 - 11:06am PT
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I for one have a deep respect for gravity...
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TYeary
Mountain climber
Calif.
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Dec 19, 2007 - 11:19am PT
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Like Blinny, I too needed a chalk bag and a hanky.
You are here with us James. The answers you look for are not to be found in the past or in what happened. They will be found in the future and what you now now make of it with this "second" lease on life. Live , James, live. Your answers will come in retrospect as you distance yourself from the dividing moment between your two lives.
Tony
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scooter
climber
Moss Landing CA
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Dec 21, 2007 - 03:55am PT
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Yo James, becareful. Hope you are well. Have fun in Kneevada.
P-Dub
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eeyonkee
Trad climber
Golden, CO
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Dec 21, 2007 - 10:29am PT
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Glad your still with us, James.
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bob
climber
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Dec 21, 2007 - 11:20am PT
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James last summer getting to the anchor on Cowabunga
After Cowabunga (aka ten rounds with Tyson)
Celebrating our buddy sending Steelfingers
Now remember James..........RIDEFREE......dig?
Bob J.
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