Official Thread for Moon Crackpot Theories

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Mighty Hiker

Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 20, 2009 - 09:38pm PT
Post away here. The Moon isn't the Moon, and there's another one floating around that's not detectable by any physical phenomena. It was all faked in TV studio. It was all forecast by the Torah/Qur'an/Bible/Celestine prophecy/Nostradamus/the letters your Alphabits spelt out this morning. All this and more, just on this thread - AND ONLY ON THIS THREAD. Exclusive source of all SuperTopo Moon-related quackery.

But if you're interested in what really happened, see the other Moon thread. Don't waste your time here.
Ricky D

Trad climber
Sierra Westside
Jul 20, 2009 - 09:38pm PT
Cheese Sprocket...wonderful cheese!
goatboy smellz

climber
लघिमा, co
Jul 20, 2009 - 10:02pm PT
Are you sure this is official, please show us your paperwork.
mojede

Trad climber
Butte, America
Jul 20, 2009 - 10:09pm PT
Too bad Stanley Kubrick passed away...
jstan

climber
Jul 20, 2009 - 10:17pm PT
Occurs to me, living with loonies puts a premium on one's sense of humor.
Chiloe

Trad climber
Lee, NH
Jul 20, 2009 - 10:33pm PT
I'm watching "Pi -- Faith in Chaos" right now. There's a 216-digit number hidden in the stock market.

Also in the Torah.
GDavis

Trad climber
Jul 20, 2009 - 10:36pm PT
uh oh, what did Klimmer say now?
Ricky D

Trad climber
Sierra Westside
Jul 20, 2009 - 10:37pm PT
Moon spelled backwards is noom.
Noom, when spoken, sounds a lot like doom.

Ricky D

Trad climber
Sierra Westside
Jul 20, 2009 - 10:40pm PT
"uh oh, what did Klimmer say now?"


If you count the toes of the disciples present at the Last Supper, subtracting the number of people who ate the chicken plate, then mutilpy by the number of days jeebus hung on the cross - you get mathematical proof that the earth was created 74 years ago by a Jewish tailor from the Bronx.

Or something like that.
Josh Nash

Social climber
riverbank ca
Jul 20, 2009 - 10:42pm PT
Harry Caray has his ideas......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haAhdtDmsOw
How do you get around copyright on Youtube.....post in spanish!
mojede

Trad climber
Butte, America
Jul 20, 2009 - 10:46pm PT
A president as honorable as Richard M. Nixon would NEVER try to pull the wool over the eyes of American tax-payers....



Honesty in the highest office was his motto--or maybe it was his bumper sticker that stated that, and had a red-circle-slash over it:-)
SteveW

Trad climber
The state of confusion
Jul 20, 2009 - 11:36pm PT
I just saw a cow jump over it!
rockermike

Mountain climber
Jul 21, 2009 - 01:43am PT
Here's the real story;
http://www.thespacereview.com/article/184/1

but of course some of you guys still believe JFK was killed by a lone "Russian agent" (or was it Cuban?) (military intelligence officer), and Ruby acted alone in killing Oswald, and MLK was done in by lone assassin, and Robert Kennedy . . . Lot of angry mad men in the world.

Some people will believe anything that come out of the MSM. ;-)
neebee

Social climber
calif/texas
Jul 21, 2009 - 02:01am PT
hey there say, all... oh this will be fun... i'll be back soon...

i'm hunting down the ol' moon tracks...
neebee

Social climber
calif/texas
Jul 21, 2009 - 02:53am PT
hey there mighty hiker and all... i'm BACK!


OKAY, here goes...

EVERYTHING i learned about the moon, i learned from song...
yep, dad-gum, i must confess...

i learned from these choice verses of knowledge:

1-"Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone..."

(the moon CAN be blue and it can see folks when they stand alone)
oh my, is that good or bad?

2-"Blue moon of Kentucky, keep on shining..."

(Kentuck has a BLUE moon, and apparently, it just may have trouble shining, so it needs some encouragement at times...


3-"Say it's only a paper moon sailing over a cardboard sea..."

(also--some folks DON'T think highly of the moon's quality, and are belittling it, into paper folly)

4-"...and when that moon gets big and bright
it's supernatural delight, everybody was dancin' in the moonlight..."

(yep, the moon CAN get big and bright, AND when it does, it seems to make everbody dance in its moonlight!

5- "Carolina Moon, keep shining,"
(yep, apparently Carolina has a moon, TOO, and it seems to need a reminder to keep on shining as well...) oh my...

6-"Moon River, wider than a mile.."
(well, now folks, you HEARD it, the moon HAS a river, and it is wider than a mile)--heard tell, it is also being accused of some tricky stuff:
"old dream maker, you heartbreaker"

7-"By the light, of the silvery moon,I want to spoon, to my honey I'll croon love's tune..."

(the light of the moon CAN get silvery, and when it does, you best watch out, as it has a STRONG romantic affect on folks)--seems its also then called a "honeymoon" and needs to be reminded to "keep a shining, in June" (for some reason)


8-"There's a beautiful moon shining down on Kentucky..."
(Kentucky's moon is BEAUTIFUL, and at times it really CAN shine, just fine, so we learn)

9-"Moon over Kentucky, take me with you..."
(hmmm, well you heard it, the Kentucky moon has a lot powers, it also seems to take off and travel... or something... and SOME folks even want it to take them along!)

;)

10-"I spend most every night beneath the light of this neon moon"
(the moon is ALSO neon, and this guy knows, as, he's seeing it, most every NIGHT under its neon light) and:

it has some kind of POWER to show you your broken dreams DANCING, see here:
"watch your broken dreams, dance in-and-out, of the beams of a neon-moon"

11-"We're gonna howl at the moon, shoot out the light, It's a small town Saturday night, It's a small town Saturday night..."

(yep, folks HOWL at the moon on saturday nights in small towns-- though, sadly, when its a saturday night, in THOSE small towns, the ol' moon is in danger of getting its LIGHT shot out)...

well---unless folks settle for shooting out the street lights, instead...

;)

*good thing i got my ol' ear out of the juke box long enough a time back---seems i learned there's a mite MORE to the moon than i realized... but you all can learn more, too, here:



http://www.moonlightsys.com/themoon/song.html

AND--lastly, say, folks BLAME the moon quite often for things:
12-"Oh, blame it on the moon..."

so remember to be kind... ;)
MH2

climber
Jul 21, 2009 - 04:17am PT
sheeeuuuu! It's all part of the history of the Moon.

Apparently that guy who signed off his bit on NPR with, "I gotta go" did not forsee the difficulties of searching that phrase on Google, but finally I found his name is Ian Shoales, and he once wrote a brilliant paragraph on what it was like to go to a porn movie, there in the dark with lonely old men, and then walk out into the night and look up and see the full moon.

More recently from the same source:

This just in: Rabbit mommies cannot really talk, and if you say “Good night” to the moon, it can’t hear you.
Karl Baba

Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
Jul 21, 2009 - 04:38am PT
My theory is that this troll could have been crafted much better if the OP had hopes of luring victims into shooting range.
jstan

climber
Jul 21, 2009 - 04:46am PT
ILL HUMOR | BY IAN SHOALES

IF ALIENS DRIVE FORD TAURUSES,
DO SKEPTICS DRIVE MINIVANS?

I do a lot of writing between 10 at night and 2 in the morning, and I enjoy a bit of rhetoric-free background chatter as I type. Lately I've been listening to a guy named Art Bell, in my opinion one of the best all-night talk radio hosts who's ever lived.

I've heard him interview mystics, prognosticators, UFOlogists of every stripe -- even some woman who claimed that reptilian aliens not only lived in big cities in the center of the earth, they drove previously-owned Ford Tauruses. I'm not making this up.

What I like about Art Bell is his unwillingness to sneer at his callers and guests. (Of course, he believes a great deal of this stuff, which helps in the civility department.) His favorite responses to outlandish remarks is "Wow," or if he's really amazed, "I'll be darned." He has a great radio voice too, gravelly and inviting. He lets people talk.

Bell broadcasts nightly from the high desert, which also thrills me. I have an image of him in a double-wide trailer, sitting behind an old battered microphone, calm, soothing, encouraging every shy obsessive in America who believes that there are alien bases on the far side of the moon to pick up the phone and dial.

Now, I just read an essay in the New York Review of Books by Timothy Ferris discussing, among other things, "The Case for Mars: The Plan to Settle the Red Planet and Why We Must," by Robert Zubrin (with Richard Wagner). Zubrin apparently is (or was) an actual rocket scientist at Lockheed Martin, and he wants to colonize Mars. (His ghostwriter's qualifications I do not know.)

Zubrin's idea is to send robots up there first, which would then create rocket fuel and water from the Martian atmosphere. This way, humans who fly there six months later wouldn't have to haul gas and water with them, making the trip more cost-effective.

Further, Zubrin proposes that this trip be given to the private sector: "The U.S. government would post a $20 billion reward to be given to the first private organization to successfully land a crew on Mars and return them to earth."

Oh, I can just see it. A swarm of rocket ships, corporate logos prominently displayed, on a market-driven race to the Red Planet. The advancement of human knowledge -- and a fat paycheck-- await the survivors. Pardon me if I remain unexcited.

I'm not really one of them, but among habitual stargazers, I suspect, there are mainly two types of people.

First, there are those who believe that the stars speak to us in some mysterious manner; if we can learn to understand the voice of the stars it will help us shape our destinies.

Let's call them the Learys.

Second, there are those who believe that we can actually reach those stars, strip them of everything useful, then return home with maps, databases and a new appreciation for gravitational radiation conferences. They publish dense papers and can operate stroboscopic quantum nondemolition measurement devices with relative aplomb.

Let's call them the McNamaras.

Contrary to belief, the Learys do not hate the McNamaras. As a matter of fact, Learys often base their theories of how the universe controls their destinies based on misunderstandings of what McNamaras hypothesize.

McNamaras, however, contain in their midst what are called "skeptics." They hate Learys. Yet skeptics are much more obsessed with astrology, UFOlogy and psychics than Learys, most of whom just take a quick glance at their horoscope and then move on to the latest Danielle Steele novel.

Skeptics just can't let it go. They believe that mildly held occult beliefs pose a threat to scientific literacy itself. They dog the heels of UFOlogists, stridently insisting that the bright object they saw in the sky was not Xontar's Flagship, but Venus, or swamp gas, or ball lightning.

You know what they are really? They're a bunch of killjoys. They want us to believe that fairies are really midgets, angels are seagulls and demons only exist in our minds. They're the kind of people who do complicated analyses of Grimm's tales and what moral lessons they teach us, if any. Everything that does not fuel a lesson, alas, must be ruthlessly excised.

They want us to get all excited (in a reasonable kind of way) about some mission to Mars, funded by McDonald's, Disney or Microsoft, overseen by Newt Gingrich.

Why? What do they think is going to happen? Do they think when Mars is finally colonized (after who knows how many deaths), that it'll be populated by skeptics and rationalists, sporting white, mercerized, Sanforized Orlon shirts, pocket protectors and bar graphs? No, it's going to be populated by superstitious yahoos with a weird ax to grind, guys and gals in message T-shirts, tie-dye and stained sweat pants, just the way Earth is.

And eventually, when Mars becomes a vast array of tract homes under bubbles, with their Kitchens of Tomorrow (that never quite work the way they're supposed to) engineered by McNamaras, it will be populated by Learys, Liddys, Milkens, Ovitzes, Gingriches and Art Bell, I hope, out there in his self-sustainable double-wide in the desert, giving the whackos some credence and brief moments of attention in the tiny hours of the Martian night.
Sept. 18, 1997

End of Plagery

Art Bell does in fact live in Pahrump.
Karl Baba

Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
Jul 21, 2009 - 10:19am PT
"I've heard him interview mystics, prognosticators, UFOlogists of every stripe -- even some woman who claimed that reptilian aliens not only lived in big cities in the center of the earth, they drove previously-owned Ford Tauruses. I'm not making this up. "

Finally they mystery of why somebody would buy a Ford Taurus is solved.
Jingy

Social climber
Flatland, Ca
Jul 21, 2009 - 10:54am PT
Sorry... I think USA landed on the moon... Just my crackpot theory
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