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| Messages 1 - 19 of total 19 in this topic |
MisterE
Trad climber
My Inner Nut
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Topic Author's Original Post - Nov 3, 2008 - 04:44pm PT
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Me and my buddy Mike came up with this a few years back, thought I would share it...
Rating Opposite Sex in the climbing language
(Excellent for discrete banter)
Traditional: The One you could see yourself getting old with, having a family, etc.
Sport: One night, one week, one month stand. Playin’ around, getting good.
Mixed: Not quite sure yet which way...
Grading:
Anything under 5.0 is too easy or unappealing.
5.1 through 5.6 generally requires aid (see below)
5.7: marginally attractive, amazing feature
5.8: homely
5.9: average looks
5.10: good looking
5.11: hot and good looking
5.12: turn-your-head WOW!
5.13: the one someone else always gets.
5.14: the 5.13 that climbs hard
5.15: The 5.14 that is wealthy, a virgin contortionist and massage therapist.
Aid: Alcohol, whatever, that makes it go better. A1 is a beer, A6 is blotto.
Aid Fall: Whiskeydick
First Free Ascent: sex without aid.
R: There’s definitely some psycho elements
X: They may get you into serious sh#t.
Eurogrades: Foreign chicks, guys
Bolt Chopper: Cock-blocker
Discrete Tension: Cheating behind the spouse’s back
Onsight: That moment where you make it happen with the perfect one.
Direct Variation: Anal Sex
Chipping/Glueing: Homoeroticism
Alpine: Blue Balls, weeks of wooing/spending for a peck on the cheek.
Clean Ascent: Condomless
Bouldering: Making Out, coppin’ feels
Grade 1: A quickie
...
...
Grade 6: Tantric Sex: Cobra In The Red Cave, etc
Extensions: Children
Link-ups: 2pitch = twosome, 3pitch = 3some, etc
Free solo: masturbation
Gym Climbing: toys for sex
Toproping: teasing
Campusing: Coppin’ feels
Flappers, Gobis: VD
First Ascent: Virgin
Seconding The Pitch: Sloppy seconds
Classics: Older Men, Women
Finger Crack to Offwidth: A reference to the fairer sex, mono being smallest...
Slab Climbing: Flat-chested
Jug Haul: Well endowed
Lead Fall: Getting dumped
Pulled Gear: Belongings thrown out on the lawn
Backing Off a Lead: Deciding it’s not worth it (psycho, wrong sex).
Spraying about climbs well above your climbing level: Impotence
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MisterE
Trad climber
My Inner Nut
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 4, 2008 - 12:17am PT
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Apparently, by the number of replies, good old raunchy climbing humor has fallen out of popularity.
Oh, well - enjoy your political diatribes.
Erik
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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I like your raunchy humor. I just missed it round 1.
You gotta cut a little slack for the politcal threads on the night before the election. Even the knitting forums must be a little political tonight. ;-)
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HighGravity
Trad climber
Southern California
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I missed round one too. I've got to say E, you guys had some time on your hands. Been laughing my way down the list. Now I'm trying to figure out my relationship.
Looks like I got the On-site FFA of a VI 5.12
Oh, and since being introduced to this sport she told me likes trad climbing, because "cracks are more fun."
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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HighGrav, i think your wife may have been talking dirty to you. why are you posting on a board? sheesh
MisterE,
I think you may have one wrong there...
"Pulled Gear: Belongings thrown out on the lawn"
should read as:
"zippered gear: Belongings thrown out on the lawn"
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HighGravity
Trad climber
Southern California
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Munge, who knows what I said? I'm aiding my way through a six pack..ha
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crusher
climber
Santa Monica, CA
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Ha ha ha. I like the "Belongings out on the lawn" one. Funny.
How about "using the whole rack" = the guy who's got a girlfriend at every crag (in every port)...
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salad
climber
Escondido
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haha i saw significant other and avoided the thread. then it was late night and i sent the last work email and thought what the hell.
mhy first though on bouldering was
hard, fast and immensely satifying (or terribly disappointing)
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Ryan Tetz
Trad climber
Flagstaff, AZ
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That's pretty hilarious Erik. Hey we got to climb some stuff again man.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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I guess Crimpy and L are 5.16's. . .
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Ryan Tetz
Trad climber
Flagstaff, AZ
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Sep 15, 2009 - 09:55am PT
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Again I say this is hilarious!
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Jingy
Social climber
Flatland, Ca
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Sep 15, 2009 - 11:00am PT
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Dude, you've got it all figured out!!!
Cheers
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nutjob
climber
Berkeley, CA
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Sep 15, 2009 - 01:20pm PT
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5.16a she wants the honeymoon on El Cap
5.16b she makes you nutella sandwiches after a hard pitch
5.16c she belays you from an icy waterfall with a smile on her face
5.16d she gives you a good belay AND takes pictures that makes you look like a hero
5.17 she's your ropegun when you realize you're in over your head
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seamus mcshane
climber
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Sep 15, 2009 - 01:25pm PT
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Just pissed myself!!! ROTFLMFAO!!!
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mucci
Trad climber
The pitch of Bagalaar above you
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Sep 15, 2009 - 02:13pm PT
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I have just printed this out and pasted it on the fridge!
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MisterE
Social climber
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Topic Author's Reply - Jun 13, 2010 - 02:32am PT
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Ratings welcome bump
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R.B.
Trad climber
Land of the Lahar
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Jun 13, 2010 - 02:50am PT
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Yeah,
I remember telling my X-Wife BITD that she should "not try to stand in the way of ME and Climbing."
AND, one wonders why I have been divorced and single for all these years?
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ß Î Ø T Ç H
climber
from the Leastside
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Jun 13, 2010 - 03:07am PT
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There was an even earlier (seperate) thread of this hilarity on ST , and it originated from RC.COM if that tells you anything .
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Tony Bird
climber
Northridge, CA
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Jun 13, 2010 - 08:09am PT
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was hoping this might be a serious discussion about the babes you get involved with climbing. turns out it's some rather weak humor cooked up by a couple probably hetero guys spending way too much time with each other. (sorry--my efforts at humor aren't always great either. i'm sure you're both great guys.)
having had a few climbing romances back in the day, i learned that a decent climbing girflfriend who turns out to be a life partner is a relative rarity. this is sad, but true, and i think it bears some discussion for all the available eligibles out there. i wound up in a fairly decent marriage to someone who climbed like hell with me for a year. then we developed an extension, to use your word (my phrase was "byproduct of recreational activity", not that strong in the humor department either). maternal instincts kicked in--a beautiful thing to watch, by the way, but look out for side effects--and that was pretty much the end of our climbing together, although we did raise the kids around RCS/SCMA campfires.
the answer to all this is a proper prenup, and it doesn't have to be complicated. i had a rich great uncle who had a yacht, and on a plaque firmly mounted in the heart of the hold were the following words: marriages performed by the captain of this vessel are good for the duration of the voyage only. turn that around a little. conventional marriage is okay, but if she doesn't get on the rock with you any more, you really oughta be able to have a climbing wife as well. you'll have to get around the bigamy laws in most places, but i expect they'd be tolerant in utah.
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