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looking sketchy there...
Social climber
Latitute 33
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Topic Author's Original Post - Apr 10, 2006 - 03:26pm PT
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For many years, there has been a "Bad" Hemingway writing contest where people submit stories written in the style of that famous author. Papa Hemingway is not the only person who had(has) a well known and distinctive style to his prose.
In climbing, that distinction is held by John Long. His stories have memorialized and embelished the many events/characters in the climbing world and the California scene in particular.
As part of upcoming party festivities, it might be fun to have people take a shot of penning a short story (or even just a paragraph or two) that attempts "BAD" Largo style. Subject should be climbing related, with Joshua Tree being a preferred (but not necessary) backdrop.
Here are the rules:
1. Entry is open to anyone (except Largo).
2. Entries should be posted on this thread by Saturday, April 15, 2006, 4:00 pm. Hand submitted entries will be considered if in our hands by 6:00. (If you have to ask how to hand submit, don't bother.)
3. Your entries will be peer reviewed (exact method not yet devised - finalists may be read aloud to a large crowd of surly old farts)
4. Judges may not be fully sober.
5. No liability for lost entries or rude things said about your writing (or anything else for that matter).
6. No prizes (probably - but maybe a certificate, plaque, an OldE, a Malt Wiskey, or who knows what).
7. Multiple entries fine.
8. Rescinded the word limit. (But, our attention span is limited)
9. Winners will be announced (we will post them here, if anyone remembers).
This should be fun.
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Apr 10, 2006 - 05:37pm PT
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My money is on Dingus if he'd be interested in such a thing. He could just post an old one without trying to sound like Largo and still win.
Peace
Karl
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Apr 10, 2006 - 06:16pm PT
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sketchy, as i recall it's the "BAD hemmingway" contest. so should we be shooting for BAD largo?
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looking sketchy there...
Social climber
Latitute 33
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 10, 2006 - 06:25pm PT
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Bob, er...that is exactly what I meant.
Rules have been clarified above....
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Crimpergirl
Sport climber
St. Louis
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Apr 10, 2006 - 06:28pm PT
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Hmmm.... Bad Largo. That is more intriquing.
Doing Largo well seems damn near impossible...
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Apr 10, 2006 - 06:37pm PT
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just to get y'all's creative juices flowing...last year's winner of the bad hemmingway contest was titled "the old man and the flea" and was hysterically funny.
so...who DARES to rewrite "the only blasphemy"?
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Russ Walling
Social climber
Same place as you, man...... (WB)
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Apr 10, 2006 - 06:41pm PT
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Ho man, I pinched the wafer a towering 9ft off the deck and was so utterly gripped that if there was a lump of coal lodged in my anus it would have quickly been turned into a diamond.....
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looking sketchy there...
Social climber
Latitute 33
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 10, 2006 - 07:44pm PT
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Russ, I'm FLMAO and other people and the office are giving me funny looks. But, I know you can do better.
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ron gomez
Trad climber
fallbrook,ca
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Apr 10, 2006 - 08:12pm PT
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I vote for Russ to be the winner. Classic rendition of John.
Peace
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Apr 10, 2006 - 08:26pm PT
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now just wait one goddam minnit. i say let the best wo/man win, even though the fix is obviously in.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Apr 10, 2006 - 08:46pm PT
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Okay....thi is merely for entertainment value, and to get the old creative juices going for all those into who might be considering entering this contest.... It is written by JL himself(and I hope he doesn't mind my putting it up here) and originally posted on a Rockclimbing.com thread begun by one ChildoftheCorn.
She made a thread bitching about guys always trying to pick her up at trhe crag and how disgusted she was by it(actually, I think CoftheCorn might have been an alterego for someone who posts here.....but I didn't realize that at the time). Anyway, I am always a defender of the underdog, and I thought she was being too hard on men in general. So, I pulled a texty Dick Cheneye and peppered her soundly. Innocent bystander(men) called ou t"hisss! Meow....CatFight!!!" in the hopes of seeing fur flying, but I held my cool, slicing and dicing with words while she was sinking to flinging sad, overdone insults.
Things quited down, and Largo tried to fan the flames with the following..... The intent was that he would start a story for me to finish. It was quite funny. But, alas, I have issues with authority, and I thought he was making fun of me(he was!)
Anyway - can Largo win the Largo Writing Contest?
"My boyfriend (Antoine -- Parisian, if you were wondering) and I had just pulled up in the Mohawk lot when a speeding, flame orange SUV whipped into the very space in which I was fixing to park my electric GEO. Out hops this vixin I recognized from the local gym, a Pilates instructor and aspiring soap star, Sapphire by name, and an accomplished man-eater by reputation. Happygirl found herself in a ticklish situation, desiring, as it were, to sand the luster off Sapphire without compromising my equanimity. I paused to gather my stradegy when Antoine askes, Are you gonna let ze b---- get away with that? Something strange and primitive took hold of me, for I found myself feeding the Frenchy a triple-decker knuckle sandwich, after which I ..... (you go girl)"
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Apr 10, 2006 - 10:37pm PT
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"the reefers i continuously scrolled with my mail-ordered, extra-large, organic and gluten-free esmerelada rolling papers were of such girth and length that if one could harness the torque it took to hem those babies one could easily turn coal into shining gems. true to form, bachar had forgotten the matches (as well as the cord) yet once again, so i quickly set to fashioning a fire from flint and iron pyrite knobs pryed from the rock with my sweating paws when i glanced over at bacher who was lacing up in his trick new spanish sticky cheat boots with a mischevious grin while bellowing in his best falsetto voice "HEY LARGO, WHO'S HOLDING THE ROPE!?!?"
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Grug
Trad climber
Golden, Colorado
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Apr 10, 2006 - 11:47pm PT
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Damn. Russ and bvb are nailin' it! This is some formidable competition.
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Levy
Big Wall climber
So Calif
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Apr 11, 2006 - 02:24am PT
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Many of us were fortunate to overcome the hubris of our callow youth. We drove beater cars lashed together with bailing wire and climber's athletic tape up to the crags every weekend at breakneck speed that would scare the bejusus out of any sane person. Scrolling reefers the size of .50 caliber bulllets, we arrived at the parking area so addled we hardly recognized any of the old guard whom we had we once looked up to. Knocking off their testpieces gave us confidence that there were no limits to what we could accomplish. One such lad who was stronger than Sampson & slower than a gastopod and fearless on the face of a declivity comes to mind...
Levy
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Spinmaster K-Rove
Trad climber
Stuck Under the Kor Roof
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Apr 11, 2006 - 02:55am PT
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Levy, well done!!
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Russ Walling
Social climber
Same place as you, man...... (WB)
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Apr 11, 2006 - 04:52am PT
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Ho man... From afar I could see her chiseled brisket through a missing button on her very unflattering tunic. The extra starch and oversized nametag tried unsuccessfully to conceal a pair of stupendous tethered zeppelins, which even at 20 paces looked like eight ferrets fighting in a pillow case. High rise stiletto heels and a vicious tear in her nylons told me that she was on the clock, a working girl. I called her over in a halting, almost stammering voice. She brought with her a wafting odoriferous wave of olfactory delight. I inhaled deeply. She gave me the once over and said, "what'll it be big fellah?" My reply was short and to the point: "a burger.... fire me a burger". The waitress scribbled this on her pad, and as she turned to go, I added, "with cheese and a cup of Joe."
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Leroy
climber
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Apr 11, 2006 - 07:10am PT
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Russ ,Largos not at your house helping you out is he?
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Apr 11, 2006 - 09:00am PT
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That last one was hilarious. I got exactly the same sensation while reading it that I feel when on the real JL stuff!
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can't say
Social climber
Pasadena CA
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Apr 11, 2006 - 09:08am PT
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That's because Russ is John's unclaimed love child. The DNA link is unmistakeable.
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ron gomez
Trad climber
fallbrook,ca
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Apr 11, 2006 - 09:47am PT
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Uh Oh Pat, don't turn this into a Mussy Nebula type thing. But sounds like you're right....how could Russ be so "on" with the "Long Talk"? Again, I vote Russ be the winner, for christ sake, he hasn't even warmed up yet. Sorry BVB, but I can even hear Russ' inflection and he SOUNDS like John.
Peace
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