The Days of Oatmeal on Cardboard

Prologue
Gotta climb gotta climb gotta climb gotta climb OUTSIDE!

Valley? No – need something new.

How about Alabama Hills? Only been there once. Can’t really remember much about it.

Day One – The Fix

P: “How’s this for a plan – we drive out in the RV pulling the tow car, and then leave the RV over there so I can use it for Death Valley when Kate comes to visit, and drive back to the Bay Area in the Subaru?”

Road trip book on CD, Harry Bosch! My favorite angst-ridden, loner LA police detective. Always gets his insane murderer in the end, usually after he, one of his partners, one of his lovers, or a dirty cop gets shot along the way.

P: “I think my goal for this trip is to climb every route in the Alabama Hills.” M: “That’s a pretty interesting goal.” P: “Well, maybe there are some routes I can’t climb, but I’m going to do as much as I can.”

4:30 PM “We’re here!


Let’s go climb a few pitches before the sun sets! What’s the closest place we can go?” Ahhhhh, five quick pitches at Arizona Tower. Got my first outside fix of 2013. Feels very good.


Day Two – Quantity

Twelve pitches at the Corridors.


The rock is a little spooky, like the description in the guidebook “oatmeal on cardboard”. I dial back on my expectation of what I’m willing to lead on this trip. Falling on this stuff could be like sliding over a cheese grater. An older climber with longish white hair who looks like an apostle wandering the desert, comes over to give us a gift of booty, an ATC he found in the brush. The twelfth route of the day is over 100 feet long. I somehow drop my own ATC from the belay. Must be something in the air. Anyway it’s a sign that it’s time to wrap it up for the day.

Tonight’s movie is “The Imposters”, an old comedy by Stanley Tucci, which I ordered by accident when I meant to get “The Imposter”, a recent documentary. We’re glad for the mistake – the movie is very funny slapstick with a great cast.

Day Three – Quality

On the drive in we see the Apostle picking up roadside trash and stop to say hello. He gives us his blessing in the form of a nice handout on letting go of brain chatter and the illusion of the ego.

Today we aim for highly starred routes and do a total of eight fine quality routes at Tall Wall, Hoodgie Wall and Sharks Fin. Murcy does an extra route which I decline because my toes are in screaming pain from my too tight shoes. Why oh why did I bring this particular pair? At least the rock quality is much better today.



This evening we watch Dave Birkett “Set in Stone” for the evening entertainment. Is it inspiring or terrifying to watch someone lead E9 6B on marginal gear?

Day Four – The longest routes

Back at Hoodgie Wall so I can start on “Ankles Away”, which I missed yesterday. What a beautiful route. The rock is almost … rock-like! Then a couple more pretty routes on Truffle Tower and off for the long approach to The Loaf. Man, it’s brutal. Must take at least five minutes and gain 30 feet in elevation.

The routes at the Loaf are beautiful and long for clip-ups – about 160 feet with double rope rappels. Then it’s time for a break and lunch… whence I fall asleep from exhaustion. So much for climbing every route at Alabama Hills. I’m about done. I offer to belay Murcy on a few more routes but he’s easy and instead we go for a walk to the arch and check out Alabama Dome for a future trip.


For dinner we eat a fine buffet composed of the previous three nights of leftovers, made perfect with a bottle of Zin. To wind down from the mental stress of four days of clipping bolts set body-length apart, we watch the video “Committed”, about Gritstone headpointing and x-rated onsights. All is right with the world.


Day Five – Satisfaction

We feel happy. We drive home through a dense fog interlude at Tehatchapi and a stop for spicy hot tacos in Bakersfield.

When’s the next trip?!?