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Leggs
Sport climber
El Presidio, Tucson
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Mar 30, 2011 - 09:40am PT
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Thanks for checking in, Michelle...i've never met you, but this thread struck a cord.
Positive vibes to you from the desert of Tucson...take it one day at a time, baby steps if need be, and remember...You are not alone.
~peace Lisa mae
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Mar 30, 2011 - 11:23am PT
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It's intense times for lots of people right now. We need to help each other ride the big waves and pull them to shore when they wipe out. That's happening here now.
It's a blessing disability gives you the space to heal and grow without the rat race stress. Give up the idea that a boss has to tell you what to do or that action has to be a job to be worthwhile.
The fact is, happiness is experienced within. It is a state of mind and heart. This should be obvious to anyone thinking practically about it. The question is how to work on yourself so your own darkness doesn't beat the crap out of you. There are lots of ways to get out of your own way and make peace within and without, and you have the time to check it out.
The first step is sincere intention. Problem is that unconsciously, we enjoy our suffering. Intend to take a path to real happiness and love and look for it to enter your life. Watch your mind and emotions and witness where you screw yourself in your head. Just seeing it makes it harder to get you.
Wishing you well
Peace
Karl
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Mar 30, 2011 - 11:38am PT
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You already sound a little cheerier, I hope. Hang in there and use your
support group, including all of us knuckleheads. And, for what it is worth,
the VA is waaay better these days than it was 20 or 30 years ago.
[that was supposed to make you feel better, too :-) ]
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TwistedCrank
climber
Ideeho-dee-do-dah-day boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom
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Mar 30, 2011 - 11:45am PT
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There is no problem so great that cannot be resolved with a day on the crags. Fact.
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scuffy b
climber
dissected alluvial deposits, late Pleistocene
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Mar 30, 2011 - 11:58am PT
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It's a BIG relief to see your post today, Michelle.
Thanks a lot.
Here's something you might try. Could be hard, but worth a shot.
Look at yourself in the mirror.
Look yourself in the eyes.
Say, "I love you, unconditionally."
This has done absolute wonders for me.
Soon, you'll be able to hike over and take a look at Niagara Creek Fall.
Should be huge this year.
And watch the sun set from Donnell Vista.
Cheers
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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Mar 30, 2011 - 12:10pm PT
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Mich!
Hang around. Let's do some climbing. We're talking opening days on the pass on SPH site. Ping me if your log in doesn't work. We'll get you squared away.
Munge
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Anastasia
climber
hanging from an ice pic and missing my mama.
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Mar 30, 2011 - 12:10pm PT
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I've been around a whole crowd of negative parasites that play the parts of friends. All I've learned is that they really do travel in groups and create the illusion that "everyone" is like that.
Truth is that they are not reality. They are something else that I am fortunate to not understand. There really are more good people out there than bad... Sadly good people are usually not as apparent because they are busy doing the best for others instead of seeking the spotlight, gossiping, mixing it up, etc.
All I can say is we are here... We are not perfect, flashy, but heck... We want you around for whatever it's worth. We are the real thing, doing our best, and... We deeply care about you!
Email me and I will do my best to visit you, just a warning... I come with dog. I know at least I can whole heartedly promise that my pup is a real good friend. :)
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klk
Trad climber
cali
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Mar 30, 2011 - 12:29pm PT
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good luck
and ditto on what munge said
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Mar 30, 2011 - 12:56pm PT
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Life is kinda like climbing sometimes. It hurts, it's hard, and you get set back, but it's an adventure and somehow going through it all makes you grow.
The more you embrace it, the less you resist it, the less anything bothers you.
Peace
Karl
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Barbarian
Trad climber
The great white north, eh?
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Mar 30, 2011 - 01:20pm PT
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Michelle,
I was once where you are now. The darkness and the pressure seemed so overwhelming...but it wasn't. I'm out of the hole and living a life filled with joy and light. There are a great number of people who care about you...some you have met and some who you have not. I've seen the above posts, and they're are alot of folks here on ST who care about you. Count me among them. If you can make it to Todd's this weekend, please come find me. I'll be down at the kitchen manning the BBQs and the chili. I am an exceptional listener.
If you need a ride, let me know in this thread. We will make it happen for you.
Take it one step, one day, at a time. Reach for hands extended to you. It's not a cave. It's a tunnel; there is light on the other side. You're gonna make it through!
Scott
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Mar 30, 2011 - 05:30pm PT
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Michelle
Like Crimpie said, get outside and feel the sun on your face,
breathe the clean air in some backcountry somewhere.
Don't give in or give up. You can beat this!
Thinking of you.
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Anastasia
climber
hanging from an ice pic and missing my mama.
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Mar 30, 2011 - 08:57pm PT
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Funny how being alone and moody in city is very horrible compared to spending time alone in the mountains. I hope you get home soon.
AFS
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Michelle
Social climber
Menlo
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 30, 2011 - 09:01pm PT
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again, WOW.. It feels really good to read everything. Barbarian, UGH, I wish I could make it down!
today is a much better day. Been reading a book called Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. Its awesome.
anyways, hanging in there! whew
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charley
Trad climber
nw pa.
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Mar 30, 2011 - 09:09pm PT
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Michelle, I am so glad to see you posting and feeling better. I hope you continue to improve and to see the great person you are.
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hobo_dan
Social climber
Minnesota
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Mar 30, 2011 - 09:12pm PT
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Well you could read Huckleberry Finn again, or Roughing it, or the innocents abroad, read gone with the wind read the Freak Brothers
or you could watch a kid do something stupid and then laugh about it and then do the same thing tomorrow and still laugh about it-kids can make you laugh!
Go to the Rodney Dangerfield website
go see a fun movie, take a walk, stretch out, go to the library,
ride your bike-if you don't have one get a cheapie on craigslist for $10
crush some pine needles and smell how great they smell
drink a bad cup of coffee, look at those stars and groove on how very very far away they are
theres a million things to do you know that there are
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kQL_NZx-Ak
Go get some of it because the world is waiting for you to come on over
murf
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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Mar 30, 2011 - 09:13pm PT
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Hi Michelle! Well holy frikkizie. I'm glad that you are feeling better today and I'm sorry you are going through a rough time. Been there and done that and don't want to make this about me. If its not too personal, how about telling us whats up with the 100 percent disability? I know the military doesn't give those things away, so life must have smacked you pretty hard. Sometimes talking about it helps. We are here if you want an ear. Lots of good folks on this forum. I can attest to that.
John
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Barbarian
Trad climber
The great white north, eh?
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Mar 30, 2011 - 09:14pm PT
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If you need someone to talk to I'm always here. I too am a vet, and have dealt with some serious PTSD and depression issues when my son-in law came back from Iraq. I've got your 6 if you need it.
Be well and remember - people here care about you.
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MH2
climber
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Mar 30, 2011 - 09:22pm PT
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"today is a much better day"
Glad to hear that.
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Chris2
Trad climber
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Mar 30, 2011 - 09:46pm PT
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Michelle, I have a “vet friend” that is in your situation. With full disability he was going a bit crazy with all the free time he had. He shared this with the VA and they came to an agreement that it would be in his best interest to stay busy.
He is going to continue receiving his 100 percent disability but is starting his own small business. Their agreement, as I understand it, is if his business works out, then they will reconsider his benefits. If not, he will keep receiving his full amount of benefits.
You may want to run this by your Vet representative. If he/she likes the idea, feel free to contact me offline and I will ask my friend exactly how this all came about for him and email you the details.
It does not sound like rock climbing is “where you are at” right now. Consider doing volunteer work, would be my recommendation; but then I don’t know you, so I can only offer up what “may” be ideas that would work.
Stay busy in what ever capacity you can.
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