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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Jul 11, 2013 - 04:15pm PT
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Me. I am the biggest joke. I never meant that to be, but...
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Magic Ed
Trad climber
Nuevo Leon, Mexico
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Jul 11, 2013 - 05:17pm PT
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Guy walks into a bar with a giant frog on his shoulder. The bartender says "Where'd you get that?" The frog answers "New Jersey, there's millions of 'em"
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goatboy smellz
climber
Nederland-GulfBreeze
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Jul 11, 2013 - 05:23pm PT
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A lawyer, a doctor, and a statistician go out duck hunting one day.
Some ducks come flying by and the lawyer pops up and shoots, way right and misses.
The doctor takes aim and shoots, way left, misses.
The statistician pumps his fist in the air and said. "We got one!".
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WyoRockMan
climber
Flank of the Bighorns
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Jul 11, 2013 - 05:24pm PT
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^^^^Good one!
Why do lawyers wear neckties?
Keeps their foreskin from popping out of their shirt.
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speelyei
Trad climber
Mohave County Arizona
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Feb 28, 2014 - 07:11pm PT
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A guy walks in to a bar and sets a car battery on the floor, and a set of jumper cables on the stool. He orders a beer. The bartender looks him up and down and says "Ok, but I don't want you starting anything in here".
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Braunini
Big Wall climber
cupertino
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I like to mix it up with a couple of Jokes With Realistic Endings:
A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel stuck to his crotch.
The bartender says, "Hey, you got a wheel stuck to your crotch."
The pirate replies, "Yarr, me ship wrecked in a terrible storm and my testicles swelled with an infection while I was knocked unconscious against the wheel. Can you please call a doctor?"
A man and a woman are crossing the desert. They find a lamp in the sand. The man rubs the lamp and nothing happens. Afterward, he feels a bit foolish.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken lacks reasoning or decision-making capabilities, it seems unlikely the chicken’s action was spurred by any particular motivation.
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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Build a man a fire, and you keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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Braunini's jokes suck.
Realistic ending?>
Braunini asks a large woman on Polk St., where is a good place to hang put and have a beer?
She replies, my place.
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Land of God-less fools
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A harp seal goes into a bar...
"What'll you have?" asks the bartender
"Anything but Canadian Club"
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Land of God-less fools
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My girlfriend says she thinks I might be a stalker....
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jul 23, 2014 - 10:04pm PT
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Yeah, and the joke about the bed hasn't been made up yet.
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Jul 24, 2014 - 10:22pm PT
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The joke is in your hand.
(Written on the urinal wall, of course.)
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deuce4
climber
Hobart, Australia
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Jul 25, 2014 - 04:14am PT
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Feeling a bit low on smarts the other day, i headed to the brain store.
Storekeeper told me, "i got lawyers brains for $5 an ounce, engineers brains for $25 an ounce, rocket scientists brains for $50 an ounce, and climbers brains for $1000 an ounce"
"$1000 for an ounce of climbers brain--why so expensive?" I asked.
Storekeeper said, "do you know how many climbers it takes to get an ounce of brains?!"
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dirt claud
Social climber
san diego,ca
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Aug 14, 2014 - 11:06am PT
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A Japanese couple is having an argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex:
Husband: Sukitaki. Wife replies: Kowanini!
Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo Fook!
Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!
Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!
I can't believe you just sat and tried to read this -- as if you understand Japanese!
You'll read anything as long as it is about sex. You need help!!
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Braunini
Big Wall climber
cupertino
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Aug 14, 2014 - 11:19am PT
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And my jokes suck?
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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Aug 14, 2014 - 11:32am PT
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Position 68
You do me and I owe you one;)
Credit Stan H
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JonA
Trad climber
Flagstaff, AZ
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Aug 14, 2014 - 01:04pm PT
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Guy sitting next to me on flight: What do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a door-to-door salesman
Guy: Really...what do you sell?
Me: Doors....it never works out
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Dec 30, 2014 - 09:21am PT
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I actually saw this on BBC, admittedly, BITD. An English, and I stress that
adjective, comedian was 'performing' in a club.
"Are there any Irish in the room?"
Silence...
"Is the question too difficult?"
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Gary
Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
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Dec 30, 2014 - 10:11am PT
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I picked up a gal in a bar the other night. She said, "I don't do this normally." I said, "I'm a little kinky myself."
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