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stunewberry
Trad climber
Spokane, WA
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Back in the mid-2000s, when the market for geologists sucked, one of my colleagues got tired of calling himself a consultant, so he applied for a job at McDonald's. The manager, a pimply 18-year-old, looked over my friend's resume and said, "Sorry, I can't use you." My friend said, "What? Aren't I the most overqualified person you've ever had apply for a job here?"
The kid replied, "No. All my geologists have Ph.D.s!"
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KP Ariza
climber
SCC
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How do you circumcise a red neck?
Kick his sister in the jaw!
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krahmes
Social climber
Stumptown
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I get no respect....
My wife thinks F#cking and Cooking....
are cities in China.
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Reeotch
Trad climber
4 Corners Area
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Yer mamma's so stupid, she taped a piece of paper the the TV and claimed to be watching pay-per-view . . .
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Robb
Social climber
The other side of life
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What did the man sitting next to a mirror say?
Nothing, he was beside himself!
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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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Oct 23, 2012 - 06:07am PT
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there was once a norwegian man
who loved his wife so much,
he almost told her.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Oct 23, 2012 - 10:13am PT
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Short jokes. OK.
Evan Bayh (D-Indiana): As much as I love being a public servant, I cannot continue to do so given the current condition of my panties. They’re in a bind.
President Obama: I could tell that Evan’s panties had gotten all wee-weed up. I offered to have a dialogue with him and his panties. This country needs Evan Bayh, but he’s no good to us with his panties in a bunch. Believe me, Evan, if I could reach down in there and untwist them myself, I would, brother. Unfortunately, I’ve got my hands full with Michelle and Hillary.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Oct 23, 2012 - 10:33am PT
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From Duck Soup
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'd be glad to make an exception.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Oct 23, 2012 - 10:36am PT
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Irish bean soup always is made with no more than two hundred tirty-nine beans: One more bean and it would be two farty.
Older lizards, especially Colorado Nini lizards, can expect ereptile dysfunction at early onset.--Herpetology Today
Donini was even more crestfallen when he dropped the cap to his toothpaste off a ledge.
He solved his visiting relatives problem by borrowing money from the rich ones and lending it to the poor ones. Now none of them come over to visit.
He tells me that the difference between Colorado and yoghurt is that youghurt has more active cultures.
Forrest Gump went to Bama instead of Colorado. He liked the academic challenge.
"No joke."
I say "balls!"
http://blogs.denverpost.com/beer/2012/10/01/joke-wynkoop-brews-rocky-mountain-oyster-stout/6330/
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Oct 23, 2012 - 11:19am PT
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Stupid Ranger Questions
What time does the two o'clock tour begin? Was this all man-made?
Short Jokes
Short skirts tend to make men more polite. We all wait for them to get on the escalator first.
Don't trust guys with short legs: Their brains are too near their ass.
It takes zero radio astronomers to change a light bulb because they aren't interested in short wave stuff.
Even a short pencil is more reliable than the longest memory.
Brown Jokes
Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?
A Doberman.
Adolph, the Brown-Nosed Reindeer, could run as fast as Rudolph but couldn't stop worth a sh#t.
Tattoo Jokes
Two mates, one a black Jamaican, the other a white Alabaman, are taking a friendly pee. The rastaman notices a W-Y tat on the redneck's thing and he says, "I got 'W-Y' on me peter, too, mon. Whatcha story?"
Elmer strokes himself to an erection so the cat can see that he has "Wendy" tattooed on himself.
"Don't tell me y'all know some bitch Wendy, too," he says.
"Noh, mon, it say, 'Welcome to Jamaica. Have a Nice Day.'"
Elmer and Wendy? Have a Nice Day, Tacoo!
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rockermike
Trad climber
Berkeley
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Two dyslexics run into a bank and shout, "Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a f*#k up!"
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Ricky D
Trad climber
Sierra Westside
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Why do Brides wear white?
So they match the rest of the kitchen appliances.
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nature
climber
Boulder, CO
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 3, 2012 - 02:10pm PT
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A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
the photon says, "no thank, I'm traveling light".
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nutjob
Gym climber
Berkeley, CA
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Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to really want to change.
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briham89
Big Wall climber
san jose, ca
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So a guy bolts next to a crack...... I can't remember how this one ends
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Enty
Trad climber
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So after 10 years of dating and 12 years of marriage the wife has finally said yes to anal sex...........but what on earth is a strap-on?
E
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rwedgee
Ice climber
canyon country,CA
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If one lesbian c*#k blocks another is it called a beaver dam ?
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Edge
Trad climber
New Durham, NH
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Because he was a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he ever broke wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it.
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Rudder
Trad climber
Costa Mesa, CA
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Two Peanuts were walking down the street, One was assaulted.
Sorry, lol, I just heard that on Pawn Stars. :)
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