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marv
Mountain climber
Bay Area
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Mar 29, 2011 - 01:12am PT
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would really suck to have been convicted for a rape/murder and sent to jail for 40 years, then exonerated by DNA evidence at the age of 71 and released
that would be a bummer
but people have "dealt"
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coryred797
Ice climber
NY
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Mar 29, 2011 - 01:23am PT
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Michelle,
Where are you stationed? Is it Army related? We all been there at times but there's ways of getting through it. Email me or PM me and Ill try to help yah out. You should also talk to the chaplain. Yeah there officers... but all of the one's I have met are really kind and understanding. They helped me through some rough patches in life, and I am sure they can help you. Trust me they DO help, and if you don't want to talk to them, you owe it to your battle to talk to her at the very least.
Either way PM me and lets talk.
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nita
Social climber
chica from chico..waiting on spring days..
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Mar 29, 2011 - 02:47am PT
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Michelle, Please.. Hang on.. you will have better days. ..
Below are the words that Anastasia wrote to another Supertopo member that is also struggling with life.
.......................
"I think many of us understand where you are coming from...
I can only speak for myself and my own experience...
All I can say is I have literally seen my life crash and burn before my eyes. I struggled, wondered if trying for something better was just a pipe dream. I questioned my sanity. I even started to break myself down into thinking that maybe... Maybe my sense of self was wrong, maybe I have a false sense of reality and the simple act of wanting more was selfish, self serving, and wrong... Maybe all the bad was what I deserved, needed and that I had somehow earned it. Heck, I have flaws, my list of mistakes... Maybe I was the bad person that was the problem.
Today I know... Life is just hard. Luckily there are a whole lot of good days in between the really bad spots. You just need to focus on surviving so you can be there when the sun comes up on the best days of your life. As for who you are... You are loved and in that way always perfect and good. You just need to believe, allow yourself to feel it, live it... You naturally deserve to be happy. It's what I am wishing for you "everyday."
Anastasia
Michelle, a little music for you..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrN9Wgh5Aic&feature=related
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Todd Gordon
Trad climber
Joshua Tree, Cal
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Mar 29, 2011 - 10:28am PT
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Michelle;..let's go climbing this Sunday;...call me up. Todd Gordon (760) 366-9395......(Just take it one day at a time;....bite size and do-able....)......You are always welcome here in Joshua Tree....
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Jingy
climber
Somewhere out there
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Mar 29, 2011 - 10:50am PT
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All is not lost.
Yes, hang on for you.
I often think of Ghandi - Insurmountable odds.
If nothing else, maybe you too can instigate change.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Mar 29, 2011 - 11:31am PT
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Michelle
We all go through hard times.
Don't give up--there are better times ahead, and you will
share in them.
Best wishes.
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hossjulia
Social climber
Eastside
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Mar 29, 2011 - 12:46pm PT
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any going before it's time will leave a mess behind, mostly emotional of the friends and family who will always wonder if they did not do enough.
Our expectations of life are usually way over blown. Chillout, don't expect so much of yourself or others, and have a good time, no matter what.
(This does not mean getting blind drunk and puking, or hiding behind pot or drugs, that is not a good time.)
I know! Rancho Gordo April 2 & 3. THAT will be a good time. Please come if you can. You, Me, Anna & Lynne will share our sad sob stories and you'll feel better.
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scuffy b
climber
dissected alluvial deposits, late Pleistocene
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Mar 29, 2011 - 01:59pm PT
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Please hang in there, Michelle.
What you've done, posting this message, is pure courage.
You've made yourself vulnerable, and your vulnerability can be turned to
strength.
Please, call the number t*r posted. Please, call Todd.
Any of the messages here that suggest ANYTHING like "just snap out of it"...IGNORE those. We want you to stay in the game. Spring is coming.
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scuffy b
climber
dissected alluvial deposits, late Pleistocene
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Mar 29, 2011 - 02:04pm PT
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Michelle, it's not parasitic BS. It's commensalism. We're all in this
together.
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micronut
Trad climber
fresno, ca
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Mar 29, 2011 - 03:06pm PT
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Michelle,
I had a patient last week tell me about his longtime battle with the overwhelming heaviness of his life, and how many times he had thought about giving up.
Well, he came through it somehow, and is now in a place of real grattitude and joy. He looks back and says he had no ability to see the potential for anything to change. Had he believed the dialogue in his mind, he would surely not be here today. He's a survivor. A funny, energetic, creative dude. He tells me how close he was at times to the brink, and what a loss it would have been to have ended it. Life isn't perfect for him, but he lives each day looking forward to tomorrow.
So, it is possible to break through to a new start. Believe it. We've never met, but I hope you find solace in the fact that EVERY life is meaningful. Here's a couple photos, a quick video, and a quote to pass the time.
I found this on You Tube....Please watch it. It may speak to you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q49BbfgJbto
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).
Let me know what you think of the video...
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karodrinker
Trad climber
San Jose, CA
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Mar 29, 2011 - 03:24pm PT
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There are so many natural ways to die, why force it? Live a more adventurous life, your brain chemistry will change for the better.
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hossjulia
Social climber
Eastside
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Mar 29, 2011 - 05:28pm PT
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karodrinker>>>>>>Word
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Mar 29, 2011 - 08:07pm PT
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Hi Lovely Lady,
So chill if you could do as Hoss Julia said and come to Josh this weekend.
Push to make it happen. It's good to take control sometimes.
I'd love to give you a jump start. Been through the dark quite a few times and in different venues. The dark does not have control and it can't swallow. Only giving into it can. Fight.
Fighting isn't pretty, it's usually not a planned event and sometimes there is no one to lean on when you're in the battle. But fight.
I'm fighting now, again. Don't know what the outcome will be exactly. But I do know that I will emerge stronger.
Live life a day at a time, a step at a time with peace, patience and perseverance. Yo Gal, you only have today !!!! No guarentee for a tomorrow. Just live today. Read Matthew 5-7 ..... Word. lynnie
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Michelle
Social climber
HVRP
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 30, 2011 - 02:33am PT
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wow thanks for all the kind words. life is really sucking right now, which is funny since I have everything I need. the VA gave me a 100% disability rating so I get paid and don't have to work. plenty of time for dark thoughts to overwhelm. I haven't been motivated to go climbing, since I gained a sh#t ton of weight after my discharge (honorable).
thanks todd, I may take you up on that in a couple months. Thanks minerals for the message, I may bug you in the future just to catch up.
more later. at least I get to go home to the mountains in a couple weeks and get the f out of this urban crap.
again thank you, it makes a difference
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 30, 2011 - 03:01am PT
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hey there say, michelle... so very happy to hear from you, here...
new trails... you can do it...
:)
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ß Î Ø T Ç H
Boulder climber
bouldering
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Mar 30, 2011 - 03:04am PT
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wow yeah. welcome back!
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Port
Trad climber
San Diego
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Mar 30, 2011 - 03:06am PT
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Sometimes, the best people to talk to are strangers.
What you're experiencing is not uncommon and It breaks my heart that such pain and suffering is the result of your service, which we are all indebted to your for. Thank you.
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Gunkie
Trad climber
East Coast US
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Mar 30, 2011 - 09:16am PT
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I get paid and don't have to work. plenty of time for dark thoughts to overwhelm .
That's pretty much worse than not having anything. Not having anything forces the mind to stay active in survival mode and small gains are amplified.
In your situation, you need to focus on small gains. What do you or did you enjoy? I'm not talking about love interests nor am I talking about looking at prettty pictures. What I'm talking about is, what are the things that you are very interested in; things that make you think deeply? If it's climbing, then working out, getting in shape, studying techniques, accumulating the right gear, and focusing on specific goals (e.g. climb the Nose) will help move your psyche forward. Maybe you're interested in other things. It doesn't matter, as long as you're interested. But sometimes crossing the gap from being completely uninterested to being interested is the crux. And sometimes it takes more than one crossing to figure this all out. So be persistent.
The idea is to get you out of that mental trench that you're currently in and build up self-confidence and self-worth. Once you do that, it's an up-hill avalanche. Trust me, everyone goes through multiple nadirs in their lives and most come out on the other side stronger.
Good luck.
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Crimpergirl
Sport climber
Boulder, Colorado!
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Mar 30, 2011 - 09:23am PT
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Michelle - though it's easy to do nothing right now...and actually it is likely hard to do ANYTHING... try to do something, anything. Getting outside and going somewhere will help so much. I hope you take Todd and others up on their offers. I wish I were near to offer more. All I can say is been there/done that and it DOES get better. But for me, the hardest was starting. Happily, I had a friend who came in the house and literally drug me out of it. It mattered immensely. I hope it will for you too.
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