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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Topic Author's Original Post - Apr 8, 2013 - 03:43pm PT
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Trad:
Start from the bottom, carry gear on a sling, protect as you go, top out, pound chest and yell like Tarzan.
Fall on the way up? Lower down, pull rope, try again. Three strikes and your out. At the worst, yoyo.
Dig?
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 8, 2013 - 03:43pm PT
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Tarbussier Profiles™: Identifying The Genuine Trad Climber
Age:
 irrelevant (see: perpetual adolescence)
Clothing:
knickers
painter' s pants
blue jeans (cuffs optional)
Chouinard standup shorts
rugby shirt
faded Hawaiian shirt
faded & torn t-shirt
your shirt
your girlfriend' s shirt!
no shirt
footwear:
Kronies
Cortinas
Spiders
Blue Meanies (RRs)
RDs
PAs
EBs
FeeRays
anything that edges
JapFlaps
Huaraches
Coiffure:
kooky pointed felt hat
terswary cap
balaclava (not to be confused with baklava)
headband
unkempt curls (see: dirt & leaves)
Smell
tincture of benzoin
sweat
loose pussy
Disposition:
abstruse
haughty
disingenuously competitive
obsequious, if you are a holdin’
thoroughly and completely unrepentant
shiftless
way, way stubborn
Behavior
no beta
sleep in the dirt and like it
makes own gear
never quite sure of the outcome, but doesn't give a sh*t and goes anyway
shares food, stash and adventure with complete strangers
Occupation:
perpetually unemployed
opportunist
itinerant mooch
Income Stream:
minimal to nonexistent
no visible means of support
canning
bangin' nails
temporary girlfriend
Diet:
cafeteria scraps (see: scarfing)
bunk weed
cheap beer
sarcasm
Career Aspirations:
nil to none
hand cracks, rurps, hauling
seasonal girlfriend
Love Life:
only two women in the whole wide world would/could possibly love him: his mom, his grandma
Hobbies:
eat, sleep, sex*, drink, dream
*see: chronic masturbation
Precepts:
training is for cheaters
stretching is for girls
yoga is for sport climbers
sport climbers are neither
a drop knee is something that occurs when your knee replacement goes bad
flagging is what happens to you on every approach
deadpoints are the arguments made by sport climbers
a high ball problem is a testicular condition induced by cold weather, or simply the lack of a fresh drink
a knee bar is a thing you have to wear to keep your leg from buckling
a dynamic move is...a move
a static move is...a failure to move
chains are something used to lock up your bicycle
Quotes:
"I am trad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!!!"
Defining Characteristics:
defensive posture
stoned
well acclimated to downtime
thoroughly misunderstood
fit, lean, bricked (see: lats)
boldly goes where no man has gone before!*
*...and where no one in their right mind would ever in their wildest dreams even consider going.
**no, not for any amount of money, loose p$ssy, fame, adulation or more m$ney ... Get Real!
Trad-To-The-Bone™ !!! Standup shorts, rugby shirt, balaclava, one-inch tubular slings, hip belay. Attitude, check.
Our PosterChild, supertopo's own Reilly:
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 8, 2013 - 03:46pm PT
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Thank you,
Discuss, revise, argue, and appease at will.
I will edit as deemed appropriate, or better: inappropriate!
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philo
Trad climber
Is that light the end of the tunnel or a train?
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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To the Disposition category might I suggest 'unrepentant'?
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Norwegian
Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
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logging naked.
bangin chicks without rubbers.
hiking talus for a barefoot mile.
quitting your job without warning, preparation, or a plan.
crack climbing, yo.
propagating your cause under the influence.
living simply in an excessive society.
hand-hewing timbers.
taking wool from a sheep, spinning it, and then knitting your own sweater...
on and on i can't go.
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 8, 2013 - 04:09pm PT
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Well done Weeg.
Thank you Reilly. Noted, slated!
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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How could you leave out RR's in the footwear?
And I feel excluded, because my grandmothers died before I was born. Isn't my mother enough?
John
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Vitaliy M.
Mountain climber
San Francisco
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"Seasonal Girlfriend"
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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Loan me a dime?
Fundraising?
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 8, 2013 - 04:24pm PT
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Blue Meanies = RRs
lockeR, you just wrote the rules dude! Trad climber is his own master; albeit he is a "slave to the rhythm".
Yes, seasonal girlfriend. Thank you.
I can't do this alone kids.
What the hell do I know?
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rgold
Trad climber
Poughkeepsie, NY
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Trad climbers think
1. A drop knee is something that occurs when your knee replacement goes bad.
2. Flagging is what happens to you on every approach.
3. Deadpoints are the arguments made by sport climbers.
4. A high ball problem is a testicular condition induced by cold weather.
5. A knee bar is a thing you have to wear to keep your leg from buckling.
6. A dynamic move is...a move.
7. A static move is...a failure to move.
8. Chains are something used to lock up your bicycle.
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 8, 2013 - 04:29pm PT
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Sorry Marlow, fundraising is so postmodern trad.
"Loan me a dime" see: itinerant mooch
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 8, 2013 - 04:33pm PT
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RGold.
Like!
What do you say we call those "precepts"?
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 8, 2013 - 04:41pm PT
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Moosy: that's too funny. Over the last couple years I've been in a wheelchair and been put on oxygen concentrator. Happily, both stints were brief!
Roll it out kids ...
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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Training is for cheaters.
Stretching is for girls.
Yoga is for...?
Sport climbers are...?
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 8, 2013 - 04:45pm PT
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LocKer: But the local skanks report you can still get a Boner, so you got that going on! Ef not, just charge that extra tank with compressed air ...
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FrankZappa
Trad climber
Hankster's crew
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I do think it's funny to see the young, strong ones up at the trad cliff toproping the hell out of the hardest routes up there so they can then lead it with the knowledge of every move and every gear placement, and seeming very proud of themselves for being out "Trad" climbing on 5.Hard R/X.
I tell them they are not really Trad climbing; they are working a route.
They look very confused.
But who really cares?
Out climbing = fun!
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RyanD
climber
Squamish
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Are u trad if you run outta cum?
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