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The Wolf
Trad climber
Martinez, CA
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Topic Author's Original Post - Nov 8, 2009 - 10:58pm PT
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If you’ve read my stories in the past you’ll know I come from a small town. As in any small town, everyone is an acquaintance and EVERYONE has a nickname. Nicknames are easy to come by, you’ll get them in one of two ways, either from a particular talent you have or from a physical ailment or deformity. It’s never personal or mean spirited it just is what it is. I know a guy named Dead Eye, who’s blind in one eye and a guy called Cheese Eater because he loves cheese sandwiches. Hard to forget Chicken Leg, Pickle, and Bones but those are for another campfire.
This story comes to mind as I just go myself a new (used but never used) Chouinard Yosemite Hammer. Danny The Hammer was a guy who became a legend. He had various nicknames through the years but these days he’s known by only two. Danny was the “manager: of all the sports teams in high school. A bit slow and seriously burned out at an early age. Like “Hawk” (named for his (in)ability to see) who died at 35 went legally blind at 25 and drove his black Cadillac until, he was 30. Danny burned out early. What he was using is between me and all the other people who knew but not for you all to know.
On this particular day Danny, was home, still living with his mom in his late 20’s Danny was never really in any position to move out. Work was sporadic, as climbers we can all appreciate that, but unlike the dirtbags, Danny’s hobby usually kept him up for days at a time.
After a binge that seemed to last several revolutions of the planet, Danny showed up for breakfast at his moms house with a large carpenters framing hammer. Without a word he pulled his penis from his pants and carefully laid it on the breakfast table. With one swift and forceful blow he smashed his penis with the hammer. The nickname was spawned. There was some talk of calling him Platypus, and in some circles they’ll know whom you’re talking about. But if you see a 6’5” guy stepping up to a urinal and there seems to be an exurbanite amount of over spray, let him finish. You have just met Danny The Hammer.
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AbeFrohman
Trad climber
new york, NY
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WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!
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The Wolf
Trad climber
Martinez, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 10, 2009 - 12:14am PT
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Kinda of makes me want to cross my legs and wince everytime I see him
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The Wolf
Trad climber
Martinez, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 14, 2009 - 12:38am PT
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He does have the "If I had A Hammer" theme song
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Karen
Trad climber
So Cal urban sprawl Hell
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Nov 14, 2009 - 12:47am PT
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Does it still work?
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The Wolf
Trad climber
Martinez, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 14, 2009 - 10:49pm PT
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Can't say "it" does, but I know HE doesn't
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The Wolf
Trad climber
Martinez, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 2, 2009 - 01:29pm PT
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Sorry Peter no pictures for this one.
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Peter Haan
Trad climber
San Francisco, CA
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Thank god there aren't pictures, Wolfie. Paillard of Penis; this is not a cooking forum. Hilarious brief tale there. Makes many of us here want to move immediately to Martinez!! Get a job at C&H; really tear into the real stuff coming down in that burg.
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Studly
Trad climber
WA
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Thats not good....not good at all.
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| Messages 1 - 9 of total 9 in this topic |
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