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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Topic Author's Original Post - May 2, 2017 - 09:28am PT
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My wife and I "hatched two and bought two". We had two biological kids. Then adopted our youngest from Kazakhstan as an infant and our oldest as a teen here stateside. It has been a wonderful journey and we are now surprisingly back into the game......in the process of adopting two orphans from Ukraine. A teenager and his little brother who live in an orphanage near Kiev.
When my wife and I were newlyweds she always talked of adoption. My wife is an amazing woman with a heart for the parentless. I wasn't into it. It took many years for my heart to soften to it. Now I have a heavy heart for the fatherless. Raising these kids and watching them grow in strength and heart and mind and stature has been a pure joy.
Looking forward to what the future has as we start the process in Ukraine.
Any stories of your own? Good or bad? Its a fascinating topic.
By the way, if any of you have any questions about adoption in general, from fears to stereotypes to financial cost. Ask me. I'd love to be a resource.
Scott
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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 2, 2017 - 09:31am PT
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Here's Bek in the orphanage in Kazakhstan.
Here he is at age 10. Races motorcross and loves golf, piano and cagefighting. (Kazakhs come from tough stock.)
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Slym
climber
Merced, CA
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Great OT thread.
My godfather had four of his own. He happened to hear something one day that summed up one's duty to help kids without parents as, "If you have the means to make even one kid feel safe and loved, you'd better have a damn good reason for not doing so."
Quite an absolute statement, but it hit him.
With his youngest at about 3 years and his oldest at 10-ish, he set out to adopt one boy from Ethiopia. A two year old. He went through the process, got the shots, and went out to visit as a kind of "final step." While there (I think), he discovered that the boy had an infant brother in the orphanage as well. He couldn't separate them, and he considered the fact that he had the means to keep two kids safe and loved, and that was it. He took both.
It was inspiring to see someone act so selflessly, even with the added needs of taking on an infant. Last I've heard, the whole family is great, and all kids are happy and healthy.
Wife and I have now "hatched" two, both under two, and are considering a third. I can't help but think that I don't really have a good reason to not consider adoption. I think the "risks" are the big thing that put off Mrs. Slym, but the prospect of providing a child with something they may never have is really difficult to look past.
I have a lot of respect for those that adopt, and those that foster for the right reasons. Excellent post.
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WyoRockMan
climber
Grizzlyville, WY
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That's awesome Scott.
We tried for a local adoption for 3-4 years and the process was eye opening and a bit disappointing.
We went through all the screening (fingerprinting, interviews, home visits, etc.) with no issues. All adoptions in the area went through either the Catholic or Mormon systems. We were told on multiple occasions that joining a church would help in the selection process. Apparently our "unaffiliated" status kept us from ever being considered as potential candidates. Our last meeting with the social worker confirmed that was the case.
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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 2, 2017 - 10:28am PT
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We were told on multiple occasions that joining a church would help in the selection process. Apparently our "unaffiliated" status kept us from ever being considered as potential candidates. Our last meeting with the social worker confirmed that was the case.
Wow Wyo. I've never heard of such a thing. How lame. Sorry you went through that. What state are you in?
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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 2, 2017 - 10:32am PT
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I can't help but think that I don't really have a good reason to not consider adoption. I think the "risks" are the big thing that put off Mrs. Slym, but the prospect of providing a child with something they may never have is really difficult to look past.
Slym that's really cool. There are risks to anything great in this world. There are risks to having kids the "regular" way! From miscarriage to infant death to emergency surgery to birth defects. I would postulate the "risks" in adoption to be less than having kids biologically (there's actually a box you can check that says "healthy child" which means you'll only be adopting a child with no known medical issues......you can't do that when you have babies naturally!). Adoption risks in general seem to feel magnified because they make the news or the social circle headlines. There are many tragic stories out there and they can take your breath away. But the joy on the other end of risk, for both parents and the orphan, can be worth the ride.
When people ask my wife "was adopting harder than having them?" she says...."No way! Being fat and grumpy and hot and pregnant for 9 months was HARD! Adoption is just a bunch of paperwork and waiting. And as far as cost goes, no matter how you have kids they are gonna break your bank!"
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WyoRockMan
climber
Grizzlyville, WY
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Scott,
We were in Montana at the time.
The DFS would place kids in either the Catholic or Mormon system, as the state didn't do the actual placements, outside of temporary fostering. One of the pitfalls of a low population state.
Jason
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Totally Awesome Scott‼️
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Gunkie
Trad climber
Valles Marineris
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No direct experiences, just wanted to give you a big +1.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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hey there say, WyoRockMan... wow, that is really something...
say, in a bigger town, though, eve, harpo marx, and his wife,
had the same trouble... :O
not being a church system, :O
they worked through this, and finally got to adopt-- his son wrote
about that long-hard process...
eventually harpo and his wife adopted four kids...
and-- they told them, since birth, that they were adopted... that they were
found, by them(the marx's) and so very very special to them, that they
wanted to adopted them, and be a family with them...
thus, the kids felt very natural about the process, when they were older...
it was a very very interesting story, written by bill, the son...
but, wow, yes-- they were 'possible rejects', due to the 'no church'
thing... (catholic organization, back then, did all the adoptions) ...
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mooch
Trad climber
Tribal Base Camp (Kernville Annex)
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Micro! You're awesome! I love it......a heart for the parentless. :)
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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Adopting kids is a serious possibility of my future, and I'll be following up with you at some point micronutty. In the mean time, what made you pursue international adoptions vs. domestic adoptions? Was it a moral decision for you to help kids from an area where statistically they are more likely to encounter challenges without your intervention? Or are there differences in terms of cost, red tape, and timeline that favored looking internationally?
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Cragar
climber
MSLA - MT
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Micro, you daMan!!
I was adopted at around 1.5 months. I've always known and have been grateful for my circumstances. I love my family and am very lucky to have the diversity of thinking I have in my family. My sister adopted an infant back in 2004 and we look nothing alike. She has struggled a bit more than me maybe as a youngin' but we talk about it and I am proud of her ability to communicate strangely deep thoughts or maybe they are normal for a 13 yo....anyway, your kids are lucky MoFos to have y'all as parents!
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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 2, 2017 - 02:17pm PT
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Cragar,
Awesome testimony. Really a delight to read. Not all kids find comfort in their identity as adopted so soon. So cool.
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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 2, 2017 - 02:27pm PT
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Nut Again,
Call me or reach out to me here or on Facebook or whatever at any time. I love this stuff and love talking to those who are considering it. Its an amazing way to grow a family.
As for foreign vs. local. One of the things is that we really feel there are still many opportunities for kids to end up ok if they start out life without parents in the US. We have a broken albeit somewhat functional foster system in America. There are public schools, mentoring programs, Big Brothers and Sisters programs, possible family members etc....
Maybe a chance for a child out there.
In Kazakhstan, lets say. If a kid is raised in an orphanage and ages up without being adopted, as most do, its straight to the streets, the human trafficking trade, or worse. Kids living in the sewers underground, surviving off the streets, horrible, horrible things.
In Ukraine, if a child ages out of the orphanage system at 18, there is a HIGH....I repeat, VERY HIGH chance she will be picked up by sex traffikers or organized crime. They literally wait across the street...."hey young lady, do you need some shoes?"
"Hey young boy, you look hungry...you want some dinner, come get in this truck."
And that's where these two boys we will be adopting, lets call them Misha and Sergei, will possibly end up. Not if I can stop it. Not if I can be his dad. Not if I can set aside my own fears and finances and plans and scoop him up and bring him home and love on him and teach him a trade and a family and give him a dad and a home. Sorry, I'm preachin' here but the statistics are outrageous. I'm not a perfect dad. But I have a lot to offer. Its a really fun and adventurous way to grow a family and our other kids ABSOLUTELY LOVE the whole process of getting more brothers and sisters. And besides, I'm getting old and if I can teach him to lead trad routes at a young age I'll have a teen to lead the scary pitches when I hit my 50's.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Not adoption, but in our family, we had four foster kids(at different times0 during the years from my earliest memories to about 10. Two of them remained family friends in their adulthood. I know that Mike thought of my dad as his own dad, and foster sister Bev had siblings who we became friends with during our high school years.
When Saigon was falling and people were running for their lives, I remember discussion about adopting a child from Viet Nam. We kids begged and begged for a little sister or brother. By that time, though, my mother was ill, directly as a result of child-bearing too many kids, too quickly for her body to recover from.
Foster parenting isn't adoption but there can be no doubt at all that those kids are in desperate need. My B-I-L is a social worker, and each summer he and my sister run a Camp To Belong, which gives siblings separated in the foster care system a chance to be reunited if only for that short time. It can be a link that helps them to reestablish their sibling bond.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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In Ukraine, if a child ages out of the orphanage system at 18, there is a HIGH....I repeat, VERY HIGH chance she will be picked up by sex traffikers or organized crime. They literally wait across the street...."hey young lady, do you need some shoes?"
So please, gentlemen of Supertopo, remember this when those of you who use prostitutes, do so. Stop telling yourself that these beautiful young women "like what they do."
Sorry to rain n the adoption parade, Micronut. Best wishes for these youngsters you are hoping to adopt.
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Largo
Sport climber
The Big Wide Open Face
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Great testimonial.
I was adopted at three days old.
Adoption can be a tricky thing, made much easier if the birth parents do everything possible to track down and let the child know every possible fact about who he/she is in terms of genetics, background circumstances, etc. That information is the birthright of every human being and when people insist that the child should not care about it's genetic and birth legacy, it leaves a void that cannot be filled by any adoptive parents no matter how sage and compassionate. No secrets, whatsoever. That's the best policy, in my opinion.
That much said, a child is in large part a product of their environment. For instance, my family were all medical people except me. But my daughter was influenced by my dad, and became what he was, an MD. Here she is:
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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I have twin grandchildren (boy and girl) who are with adoptive parents in Hollister and a grandson who was adopted by a loving couple in Boulder, Co. The parents are great and my wife and I enjoy a good relationship with them.
Last Saturday I took my, Hollister based, 17 year old grandson up South Sixshooter in Indian Creek.
Adoptive parents often standout because they have shown a real desire to parent children and have proven they are capable of doing so.
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